I think it's worth pointing out as well that, from the way the author frames the conversation with this person, the most traumatic part of the whole ex-girlfriend-abortion thing was that she had an abortion, without ever even talking to him about it, and then dumped the news on him after the fact. Unless there is reason to believe that a guy is violent or a douche, I think it's shitty for a woman to have an abortion without having an actual, grown up conversation about the situation with her partner.
"What would you do if you got pregnant" is exactly the sort of question a responsible man should ask before sticking his unwrapped dick anywhere near a potentially fertile woman. It doesn't presuppose an answer, it's the start of a conversation so the couple can decide together how much or little contraception they want. If he doesn't like what she says, he can do his part to make sure she doesn't conceive.
LW's way of thinking has a familiar feel to it, and I strongly suspect that her not telling would only help her to triplethink herself into becoming rather a worse partner.

I'm not entirely sure why Mr Savage thinks the most likely outcome is that this will be a DTMFA, but he gets the letters.
>> I am kind of a compulsive truth-teller, so the thought of keeping this from someone I want to be as close as I can with just seems wrong, but again, is that just a justification for my selfish need to have someone tell me I am not a horrible, stupid person? >>

That seems like an odd way of framing the issue. You're a compulsive truth-teller, okay, that argues in favor of telling. And you're curious how he'll react to the information, which also argues in favor of telling. And you have a history of being in this situation, which is relevant to his own choices, which also argues in favor of telling. And you like him, and think you can talk about anything, which also argues in favor of telling. (If you're wrong about him, and he does shut down or blow up at you, well that's useful information, which again argues in favor of telling).

What's her argument against telling? Her claim that maybe her only reason for telling is a selfish desire to be reassured that she's not bad. But since that's NOT the only reason for telling, it makes a poor argument against telling.

Also... For an epic letter, I found it odd that she doesn't mention why she relies on condoms and withdrawal for birth control, rather than, say, an IUD or diaphragm.
Dr. Laura would likely agree with Dan here. She doesn't need to tell him.
@ 4 - Good analysis. What's really amazing is that after writing such a long, detailed letter, she didn't figure it out by herself.

As for your question: maybe Dan edited out the last 500 words in which this was all explained. At great length.

Talk about "word salad". It's like a 19-years-younger Sarah Palin.

Past abortions, blah, blah, past abortions, blah, blah, blah . . .

Taking just her second and third paragraphs: "We met online . . . He travels for work, . . a weekend with me in between jobs. . . .he was away for a couple weeks, . . . He visited me again after that second job. . . He is currently at a job. . . After this job he . . . will return to his permanent residence. . . we have been planning to spend a couple weeks together at his place during that time."

Doesn't this SCREAM "He's married!" or "He's cheating!"?
Kind of a fun read actually. I guess I always take some comfort in knowing there are folks out there just as obsessively neurotic and hyper-analytic as myself.

Haha, to each his own I guess.
@4 I agree with you except for the last point. I myself have some issues (maybe I'm a little paranoid) with putting things into my body that cause hormonal changes, especially when science doesn't seem to know precisely why they work. I'm also allergic to copper (I know, diaphragms aren't all made of copper anymore, but it makes me nervous regardless.) Pills bother me too. I like birth control to be a two-way street handled by the people involved at the time, rather than having to do something that makes me protected 24-7 just in case. I'm much more comfortable using obvious methods like condoms or withdrawal, because they make sense to me. I think that's fair.
Incidentally, I had an abortion when I was 26. The second time I got pregnant by mistake, it was with the same guy, 10 years later. This time we were ready for it, and took it as a happy surprise. Yay! It's been wonderful. The first time would have been a disaster.
I am rethinking my position on bowdlerizing.
Reclaim abortion, Dan? Each woman who has an abortion, surely needs to be left to experience it for herself.
Reclaim prevention, much better

LW, why are you even thinking you telling your truth is you being selfish? That is confusing.
Telling this guy of your abortion, does he need to know this right now, if you don't feel like sharing it yet. Or if you do feel like sharing it, do so.
Your experience is in your past, and your past is yours to disclose. Unless it's vital information to the growing intimacy, just share your life as you wish to.
@1 See, I'm never sure what to think about this (and probably not qualified to comment since I've never had an abortion, but I'm going to anyway). I think the grown-up conversation is imperative if you're going to be discussing whether you are both up for being parents. I always wonder about what people mean when they say the man has a right to be included in the discussion even if the woman is absolutely determined that she's going to have an abortion. Does that mean he has a right to try to talk her into having a baby? Because I think the person who has to bear the physical burden and risk of pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding gets the power of absolute veto. That said, I would tell my partner beforehand, unless I thought they were going to be douchey about it. (It's possible that TTTT's BF's ex thought that he would be douchey about it.)

Maybe it's absolutely shitty for a man to have sex with a woman without having told her first that he expects her to go through with a pregnancy if he knocks her up.
"I just remember thinking, “of course I would keep it, I think I am in love with this person.”

Does anyone else notice the incongruity in this statement?

There was talk of a contraceptive pill for men, a few weeks back on the weekly thread. Funny, I've not seen it mentioned anywhere else.

ABC Australia, our free to air , told us in a science show recently, about a very thin condom that is being developed, in Melbourne- I think.
Bill Gates offered money to develop a better condom, and these guys got the gig.
My concern for TTTT is that she appears to have projected the guy as being THE ONE, which is alarming after such a short time together. She cannot know after one month that it's "shaping up to be a serious, long-term" relationship. I understand the initial attraction phase, but she repetitively makes it clear she sees him as her great love and she's ready to have his baby. That, coupled with unprotected sex with someone she just met, makes me think she has a lot more to reconsider than just the abortion conversation.
Anyone else hearing sirens and seeing flashing red lights and the word "RUN" in giant letters?

She didn't encourage him to have unsafe sex with her after a month. She encouraged him to have unsafe sex with her on their second weekend together. He asked what she would do if she got pregnant, (well done that man) and she said she'd have the baby. And he went ahead, knowing it meant the risk of paying child support for eighteen years to someone he's known for a month. Hmm, perhaps they are indeed meant for each other.

As for @1, if you know you definitely do not want to have a baby and you know your partner will try to talk you out of an abortion, or will dump you if you have one, those are good reasons to abort first and fess up later, if at all. Fair enough, you should have DTMFA'd upon discovering his opposing views, but perhaps you liked him enough otherwise to just hope you wouldn't get pregnant. Dan's odds show, sometimes this does happen even with every effort made to prevent it.
i wish she would have aborted that letter in the first trimester
I have worked at abortion clinics, I have dealt with my own reproductive system and used most forms of birth control, both as an unmarried and a married woman, and I will never understand why people play Russian Roulette with sex. To me, a late period was hell, knowing the choices that might lay beyond. After a couple of sloppy birth control uses in early college and subsequent panic, I never gambled again, and it made life/sex/my marriage so much nicer knowing I wasn't going to get knocked up and have to deal with all that baggage. Why do that to yourself? This neurotic woman is s grad student. She'd be willing to drop out of school, possibly losing scholarship money, to have the baby of a dude she's known for 2 weeks? That is fucking crazy. Why make life any harder than it has to be. Get in the pill, finish school, and if you are with this guy in a couple of years, then talk kids. In the interim, see a therapist. I too see red flags a go goo.
@4 - Here's the implicit reason for not telling: he's made it clear in relating his "traumatic experience" that he was unhappy his GF chose an abortion; he wanted to keep the kid. She's not fearful of being judged "a bad person" in the abstract - she's worried he'll DTMFA first. And @3, this particular reveal on Mr. LDR's part is why I suspect Dan thinks this will wind up being a DTMFA on her part.

She is clearly pretty desperate to keep the relationship; she's jumping through a lot of hoops - even when he's nearby he's really kind of a facetime/chat fantasy, and then he'll be eight hours away! - to have this too-fast, head-over-heels.

I think Dan's advice is spot-on, and comprehensive. I think she needs to test out just how good a guy he is - particularly in light of the super-fast-head-over-heels and the very long distances. The trouble with this is it's too fast, and she isn't getting to see him day in day out when he forgets to put his mask on (nor he her) - it's very easy to put on a vacation/weekend performance persona, and then revert to singledom. The time is precious and compressed, so everyone tiptoes around and puts their best foot forward. I think it will be very instructive to see how he responds to seeing something negative, and I think she should do herself a favor (screw him) and test his response before she jumps through more hoops and relocates 8 hours away. If he is a compassionate, empathetic type, he'll clearly recognize that yes, we all make mistakes, especially when we're young, and he won't hold it against her a minute. He'll commiserate that it's sad and share whatever grief she sill has (if any). I say this as a male survivor of two "traumas".

And on that note, @1: yeah, no. Here's the thing: until a man can take and carry the blastula to term himself, it's none of his fucking business. It's not shitty on her part and she doesn't owe him a damn thing. As the spouse of someone going through a difficult pregnancy, I'd be delighted to give my wife a break and carry the kid for a couple of weeks or longer, but I can't. Just like I couldn't carry it when those "traumas" happened. Was I sad about them? Hell yes, but ultimately, it's a woman's body, not the man's. She's not obligated to tell him anything.
I'm a man who's kind of been on the other end of something similar. It wasn't an undisclosed abortion, but it was somewhat traumatic and a kind of communication dissconnect.

It was really helpful and healthy for me to talk to a new girlfriend who had done something similar to the painful thing the old girlfriend had done (one of the things anyway). It helped me sort out and refine where I might find compassion for the old girlfriend, and where I still might feel hurt (but begin to move on). It was one of the things that brought me and the new girlfriend closer.
Whoa... #7 has a point. Somehow this didn't even enter my mind. It might be wrong to jump to such conclusions but that DOES seem pretty suspicious.
"It was my idea. He asked what I would do if I got pregnant"

Serious props to the LW's BF for thinking to ask in advance.

Perhaps fewer, given that her answer didn't make him decide this whole thing was a mistake (pro tip: don't have sex with anyone who'd either have the baby with someone they barely knew, or expect someone else to have a baby with someone they barely knew).

"Perhaps more truthfully though, I didn’t say anything because I realized that I had just engaged in (and even instigated) the same kind of reckless behavior that led to my pregnancy and abortion seven years ago."

Even more props to the LW for realizing this. LW, maybe change the reckless behavior, since you know it's not a good idea?

She should tell him, though, just because she wants to. If he can't handle it, then she's just learned that she should DTMFA, and you want to find that out as early as possible.

" that just a justification for my selfish need to have someone tell me I am not a horrible, stupid person?"

That need isn't selfish; it's human. Tell him if you want to tell him; don't if you don't. But if you don't want to tell him, that feeling might be a hint that he's really not worth keeping in your life.
@20 - your comment wasn't up when I posted, but+1M. Huge red flags, from her willingness to do rash things to @7's observations, and that's setting aside reproductive histories.
@18, @20 - exactly. "Blah blah blah, I've known this guy for a month and spent two weekends with him, yada, yada, yada, We're having sex without using any birth control, wocka wocka wocka..." That's all I need to hear. This woman has baby fever, and the guy she's seeing must too, but they're in denial about it and think they're being responsible adults. TTTT - if you're reading these comments, wake the f*ck up! You either can handle having a baby right now and still achieve your life goals (which may include a successful marriage to the baby's father!), or you can't. And it's the latter. Date this guy for a year or two, use birth control, and If you're still together when you're done with your grad program, revisit the issue.
avast @15, hadn't noticed that before -- good point.
I think TTT and her 48-hour man have some serious unconscious baggage to unpack: she is clearly suffering from Repetition Compulsion. She says she has never "processed" the emotions surrounding her abortion, and now she is actively taking risks to chance a repeat performance. She needs a therapist immediately. Mr. Wonderful, on the other hand, was responsible in asking her what she would do with a pregnancy, but is ALSO compulsively repeating behavior because he unconsciously wants a "do-over" with a pregnant girlfriend who WILL keep the baby. He wants to feel "healed." Either way, any potential baby is a brain pawn for both of them.
Mr Finch - I considered that interpretation, but my guess was that BF (maybe rightly, maybe not) interpreted the prior sequence of events as being that the ex tried to use her own choices to guilt him. His disclosure could reflect well or badly on him. At least you acknowledge the possibility that he might be a worthwhile person.

I'm torn between thinking either she or he should be told DTHCA (HC standing for Head Case) but not being able to choose which, or agreeing with Ms Fan that maybe these two should stay together to protect the innocent from either of them.

There does seem to be a trend about a great many disclosures to be presented as coin flips that either the response is immediately perfectly supportive or else the responder deserves to be DTMFA'd on the spot. Is there an imperfect-but-salvageable response here that could make this more of a die roll? Personally I've no idea, but could probably work with either a coin or a die.
Eud @24, i agree: the "reckless behavior" that she is aware of repeating, well, then why is she doing it? i just don't understand the willingness to risk your life for unprotected sex. Maybe it adds to the rush? i think Dan's advice was good, reframing abortion as a normal and necessary procedure does need to happen. Honestly, i think we should start questioning people who *have* children that were unplanned. It seems to me to be one of the most irresponsible and reckless things, potentially permanently damaging to all involved individuals.
@7 - I'm a cynical bastard so cheating was my first thought as well.

Also, I would not want to live inside this woman's head for 1 second. It would be exhausting.
@29 - I think it's hard to know if either, both or neither of them is really a HC, and if any of these responses are useful for an up-or-down vote. The letter maybe be edited for clarity and brevity and we're really just tea-leaf reading anyway, setting aside whether or not we have a reliable narrator.

What troubles me most of all (and tips me towards DTMFA answers) is the speed and depth, particularly coupled with the very LDR situation; add that TTT says she's only had one other serious adult relationship, and I really start to question her calm judgement. The thing that bugged me about the couple of LDRs I got pulled into (and nothing on this order) was that they really buggered the getting-to-know-you phase; a period of LDR is OK for a well established long term relationship, but it's generally not a very good way to get to know each other. I think disclosures like this are made in small bites, spread out over frequent, low intensity contact, where you really have a chance to see the person in a lot of everyday life and you spool things out.

Should she ultimately reveal this? Yes, absolutely, eventually, she should. But at this stage? I dunno...maybe so much has been discussed...and maybe he's already revealed enough about the nature of his discomfort (which we don't get in the letter) with the previous abortion...I just keep coming back to her hesistation - the fact that she's writing to Dan at all tells me she feels strongly she should disclose but is resistant for some reason, and I'm not buying what she's offering in the letter - but both the resistance and the desire to disclose are more intense than the letter suggests because she's writing in...hence, unreliable narrator.

I can just as easily imagine he's a MRA who is angry at his ex for her unilateral action - undertaken when she realized it would mean a lifetime coupled to a jerk, not worth it no matter how fun that little romp was - as I can that he's just a nice, sensitive guy jerked around. The former is the kind of "nice guy" who isn't really so nice, and the kind of person who targets low self-esteem women.

Really, just my WAGs...I have no idea and nothing to base it on.
This woman describes herself as a chronic truth-teller, so she won't be happy keeping this a secret. Yes she should tell this guy that she had an abortion way back when. I agree with everyone who said she needs to see if he freaks out and bolts and that it's best if he does so before they have any kids. (Who knows? He might even say, "Of course you've had an abortion. Like a third of all American women have." Or he might freak out and then realize he's being unrealistic and deal with it.) As for withdrawal... well I don't think it's a good idea to give up condoms and hormonal methods. They could always use withdrawal and a hormonal method but either of them could still have an STD.

Telling this woman that she shouldn't feel ashamed of having had an abortion won't do anything. She's allowed to feel how she feels about it.
Why do "truth-tellers" such as LW conflate personal privacy with dishonesty? One of the "benefits" of abortion is that nobody finds out you were ever pregnant. The more people you tell about your abortion, the more likely it is that one of them is going to talk to others about it, and the privacy benefit evaporates.
Oh my God, woman, get an IUD already.

Being in love with someone is a terrible reason to have a baby.

Just sayin. The magical unicorn weekends sound like infatuation, which is wonderful and might lead to love. But she doesn't know him at all yet. Having a baby would be a terrible choice unless she wants to be a single parent.l (which is fine, but that's a different decision making matrix).

I could t even consider her question, I was too hung up on the fact that she's having safe-ish sex with a guy who she has decided she might be in love with. Safe-ish for pregnancy. Not for stds.
I'm with @15 that anyone who says "of course I would keep [the baby], I think I am in love with this person" has deeper things to ponder than the abortion reveal. Like her grasp of reality. Does she have any idea how much hard work it is to raise a child, and how not-romantic it is, and how much is ruthlessly demanded in terms of finances and time and support, and how little any of that has to do with twoo wuv? Crikey.

LW: a child will eat your true love for breakfast, puke it all up and then smear it all over everything, and move on to your hopes and dreams and sanity before lunchtime. Get a grip! This is not a romance.

I sense the sinister influence of L M Montgomery and her ilk.
Erm yeah, I'm with @7. Maybe he's not married, but something's up. He's deliberately chosen someone online, who is both unusually vulnerable and far, far away. And he seems to have led her on to the point where she thinks he's "the one" and is willing to have unprotected sex with him. An ex-gf didn't want to tell him she was having an abortion? That's weird too, and quite possibly because she didn't trust him for some reason. TTTT, if you're reading the comments, this guy sounds a little bit shady. Maybe he's not! Maybe he's awesome. But if I were your friend, I'd tell you to (1) keep your emotions in check and (2) find out more about him (i.e. a trip to his town, to see his house, and meet his COUPLE friends, not just one of his single guy friends) before going without a condom again. If he's for real, you've got plenty of time to make sweet natural love and lots of babies, no need to do it next weekend.
I would guess that this guy is a narcissist or borderline using his "sensitive" side and "tragic" past to impale himself into her easily manipulated psyche. And yeah, he's got someone else somewhere.
TTTT seems to think that because there were several opportunities when she thought of telling him (each time deciding not to), that she has missed the boat and that if she tells him now, he will think she has waited far too long. I think she's wrong about that.

I think they are still in the early stages of getting to know each other (since they only met a month ago), and she could just say: "I have something serious to talk about; when is a good time to talk?"

@34, the privacy versus dishonesty issue is hard to resolve in the abstract. Dan and other advice columnists suggest keeping a one-time infidelity to yourself, so as not to torture your partner with the knowledge. And Dan is saying the same, here, about abortion: you don't have to tell him. That's practical advice. I doubt it can be ethical, though, to make a long-term commitment with someone while hiding a secret you know they would leave you over.
Something else to think about: If you do end up in really long term relationship with this guy, like maybe marriage, intentionally making babies together, etc... If he is riding shotgun on your prenatal medical appointments you may find yourself answering questions like "Is this your first pregnancy?" with him sitting six inches from you.
And if he'd leave you for the heinous crime of... having had an abortion a long time ago and not mentioning it on the first date? Best to get right to the part where he leaves you.

I wonder if it's worth adopting a policy of (if you're a woman) just telling anyone you date that you had an abortion once, whether you did or not. Seems like it might be a convenient way to screen out the assholes.
She says her last serious relationship was a while ago, but not how long it's been since she's slept with a fling or a crush. There's a crazy thing that happens to some of us in our late twenties where every time we have awesome hot sex with someone we're attracted to, we get a ridiculously strong impulse to carry their babies. If she has been abstinent for a while, she may not realize that this "of course I'd love to have his babies" feeling is a phase that SHE is going through, and not a reflection of the suitability of this man for giving her a unicorn baby of eternal sunshine. It's definitely a surprising feeling when that thought-train kicks in, after years of dreading being pregnant. And it's definitely not a good reason to abandon attempts at logical family planning. If the two of you are on the same page (it sounds like this guy may also have baby fever), it can be really fun to role-play having unsafe sex (while actually having very, very safe sex).
@ - After just a couple of weeks, a responsible man would not have asked that question. He would have left, never to return.

AnneNJ @ 28 got it right. They're both trying to fix what went wrong earlier in their life by doing the exact same thing and expecting different results.
@43 "it can be really fun to role-play having unsafe sex (while actually having very, very safe sex)"

I've done that! Yes, hot.
I'm with the red flag crowd. My guess is that there is baby fever afoot, and the LW wants to find "the one" so she can get on with it already. But they both are not taking responsibility for their own stuff. His past trauma is his to work out - don't lay that on a GF at two weeks, or whatever. The timeline math is not adding up for me, but then I'm not trying too hard. And she has no responsibility to talk about her past if she's not ready, and there is no need to feel like a horrible person about that. Basically, I'm afraid they *are* a great match, but in all the wrong ways. He's fishing for a woman who will take on making him feel safe, and she's shaping up to be a great candidate. If the LW is this tangled after 4 weeks, how can she possibly be more objective as time goes on? My vote is to stop it already, and spare yourselves, and the inevitable baby, the elective melodrama.
in my circle of male friends... i suspect if one of them asked a long distance fling of a few months "what would you do if you got pregnant?" and the woman said "of course i'd keep it".... they would double the condoms....not proceed with reckless abandon. In my world, asking someone you barely know what they would do if you got them pregnant is a not-so-subtle way of saying "dont be an idiot, lets use condoms"
All I can think, here, is that I really don't want this woman to have a baby right now and keep it. 'Cause a baby needs more than wishful thinking and agonized self analysis from a parent.

Hon, instead of spending all this mental energy on twisting yourself into knots about what you should say, think instead about why you are taking stupid risks with your birth control, and your disease prevention. All this song and dance is distracting you from the real questions, which are "What am I doing? Why am I doing it? What do I want? Is the path I'm taking a reasonable one toward what I want?"

Stop beating yourself up over repeating reckless behaviour, and actually look at what you're getting out of that reckless behaviour - you're getting something, or you wouldn't be doing it. However, what you're getting might not be in your own best interests.

And please, don't have a baby until until the thought of the baby's best interests have at least a place at the table, even if you can't give them primacy.
Oh - and chronic truth tellers don't tie themselves into knots trying to justify having a little personal privacy. My guess is that she's not a chronic truth teller, but a chronic worrier about being caught lying.

There's nothing wrong with that, but she's not a sixteen year old kid - it's time for her self image to start being a little closer to reality - especially if she's thinking of having kids. It's hard enough being a parent (probably a single parent) without having to wade through swamps of self deception.
If a man I'd only actually met twice agreed to have unprotected sex with me, I'd leave.

If a woman I'd only actually met twice agreed to have unprotected sex with me and said she'd keep it if she got pregnant, I'd probably run screaming out the door.

If I met a man who went yes on no condoms and yes on having a kid after meeting me twice, I'd check his record. Wanting a woman to get knocked up right is loony toons, and a good way to keep a woman under your thumb.

Risking STI's for someone you barely know is really stupid. Risking pregnancy with someone you barely know is not only stupid, it's dangerous, and selfish. Pregnancy is no joke - you can literally die. At the least, you lose income, sleep, privacy, bodily autonomy, etc.

Therapy, therapy, therapy.
Beautifully put, @60.
What really bugs me when I read about careless procreation and romanticism of possible babies is this: what would it be like to be that child? Your mom has deep seated issues and baby fever, she's punishing herself for past wreckless behavior, and she doesn't think through the consequences of her actions-which is this poor kid. Who is living in poverty because she dropped out of grad school to have you. She spends most of her days writing long letters to advice columnists and watching soaps. As far as dad, well, maybe he's married, maybe he just likes drama. Either way, dirty diapers and spit up aren't his thing, so he's gone.
This kid is another emotionally damaged human being in the world. All because to adults are acting like they are 16 when it comes to birth control: "I'll have your baby and it will be dreamy.
Mr Finch - All just cosmic vibrations, and not strong ones at that, but, if BF's a jerk, I wouldn't think MRA. The detail about wanting the ex wanting to reconcile isn't MRA-ish. Now, if the ex went out, dated five or six Alpha types, and then wanted to reconcile, that would be very MRA. If her confusion comes from him, it's not the type MRAs induce.

I'm inclining at the moment towards their both being HCs, and that they need to enter a Covenant Marriage tomorrow.
I'm torn between wanting her to break up--for all the reasons listed in #50--and wanting them to stay together, just to keep these two headcases off the dating market. At least one of them should get some permanent contraceptive option first, though; either of them having the ability to procreate is not going to do anyone any favors.

Having a child is a serious decision. Looking at how fucked-up these people are, any kid they produce is probably going to be so fucked-up that it's going to spend its life fucking up other people's.
The problem with pull-out is that you are allowing yourself to go all-in on satisfying your deepest natural instincts (for many men and women) and then trying to stop at the very edge of the cliff you are racing towards. It's birth control for thrill-seekers and gamblers. All it takes is a slightly different mood or stimulus and you join the 27% who do it wrong and now have a child on the way that is unwanted. Given the wide variety of birth control options available pull out is primarily useful for those who actually want to get pregnant but are lying to their partner, or to themselves about it.

In the name of openness I'll say that my HS girlfriend had an abortion after I knocked her up at the age of 16. She was a riot-grrrl so I was not so much asked about it as told/scolded about it. Which is all great, I got to go to college and get a nice job instead of being a teen parent and have rarely had to talk to her for many years, which is awesome because she turned out to be a bit of a psychopath and a terrible choice for a mate.
Two people who are willing to bet with their own lives and possibly another cannot possibly be considered educated..Give the degrees back
Good point @55. Oh dear, baby fever. Is that what it's called. They should develop a vaccination for it.
Late; God I forget the intensity of younger children. Though, now my daughter's boyfriend is here for a couple of months, and his 3 young kids are here three nites a week; I suddenly remember.
No. It's not romantic rearing children. . But it's goddamn mesmerising and all that life in their noisy little bodies.
Just because she feels like she may be okay having a baby with him if their less-effective method fails now, doesn't mean she won't have a different response at another time. Say they do stay together and get married, and have all the kids they want, then... oops, pregnant again. I know people who have had this happen and had an abortion to curtail the size of the family at a time when adding another would be a hardship. What would that situation look like? I think before any discussion about being "the one" and spending your lives together as spouses and parents, any disagreement on this issue has to be resolved. It doesn't have to be a confessional. I feel like it should happen as part of a larger discussion about whether they want to be parents, when, to how many children, and how are they going to go about managing those decisions. Because it could come up again, and waiting until then to disclose the past is going to feel a lot more like what he already went through than doing so ahead of time.

Please wait...

Comments are closed.

Commenting on this item is available only to members of the site. You can sign in here or create an account here.

Add a comment

By posting this comment, you are agreeing to our Terms of Use.