Since Dan gave you no real advise in the cock sucking area, just criticisms (possibly valid) of your husbands observations and demands and your (apparent) acceptance of them. Let me suggest you go with Dan's Tabasco Sauce idea, but replace the Tabasco Sauce with something less caustic (say a carefully placed breath mint). Oh! And try sticking a finger up his butt... if that's not part of your regular routine, it should at least count as creative.

Dan... Cock suckers with cocks are morally obligated to share useful pointers with cock suckers without cocks when asked for help. (Regardless of why the cockless cock sucker is asking for help). I thought you knew that. You should try again on this one (unless, of course, you believe that you’re a boring cock sucker yourself).

Since you didn't answer her question, I will:
-use one hand to jerk off the base of his dick while you suck it
-play with his balls with the other hand
-act like it's the most delicious fucking thing you're ever tasted and look up at him with hungry eyes
-slobber a lot, really get in there

Wow, Dan .. this is possibly one of the worst bits of advice (actually not really advice but commentary, at best) you’ve given in quick some time. One of the worst things a person can do when a complaint is lodged is say that the complainer isn’t any great shakes either. To suggest that she critique her husbands skills is a horrible suggestion. She would have better luck going to the Babeland site: http://www.babeland.com/sexinfo/howto/bl… .. hope she reads this. Actual advice, not a bunch of thoughts on how to destroy her marriage.

#2 is full of the right advice, though personally I'm more inclined to agree that she should be more creative--in finding a better partner. Husband sounds like a butt.

I don't know olive, sometimes when you do on to others. ... they realize that being on the receiving end stinks

Betcha he doesn't even give her cunnilingus.

Oh just stop @1, @2 & @3! She has access to the Internet and wrote to Dan who provides relationship advice not sex instruction. She could have simply Googled "how to give a great BJ" for inspiration. The letter was looking for validation (be it conscious or unconscious) that her SO was behaving poorly and Dan's relationship advice was spot on!

Be creative.. Oh.. With any skill one has lost a little expertise in/ or it's become routine, just go back to oral pleasuring school. Find some willing , young men, who will assist you to up your skill set.

Hi all, long time reader finally registered to comment here.

I like that Dan points out that his level of experience with other people is relevant to the objective assessment of her skills. I had no idea that my bj's could be considered above average until my late 20's when I was with a guy who had been with a LOT of women including professionals and he commented on it. Before that I had two long term relationships with guys with less experience - I'm sure i improved with time but also they were probably still in 'any bj is a good bj' mindset.

Anyway now in my early 30's I'm embracing singledom in a way I never had the opportunity/confidence to do in my 20's and have consistent good feedback on bj's - so my advice as follows.
I think the tip given above about changing the scene is as important as the technique in LTRs. There is a strong tendency to end up with a 'standard sex formula' in my experience, so breaking out of that is key:
Location - Couch, kitchen, shower instead of bed,
position - kneel if you usually lie down or vice versa, even lying both on your sides rather than flat can give him a different view.
What you wear - naked, lingerie, fully clothed? Hair up or out? Lipstick? One guy asked me to wear a scrunchie (thick hair band thing -maybe called a barrette in US?)
Timing - time of day, but also when in the sex session - try a 'you owe me one later' stand alone bj if they are usually a warmup before PIV activity or one guy I see loves me to go down on him with no warning mid fuck.
For actual technique, there's heaps of info out there. Rhythm changes, using your hand and ball/arse attention with hands and mouth are my top ones to vary without props. Others to try - mints, humming, hot/cold drinks, silky fabrics.
Ok essay over!

@6--No kidding. I guess these folks figure that after having been married for eight years she never thought to jerk him off, play with his balls, or stick her finger up his butt? That's Blowjob 101, people.

She's looking for a blowjob magic bullet that doesn't exist, and Dan's advice is perfect.

Lavagirl is right. Again! If he cant provide direction, get out there and learn! On some new dick. Seriously though, he sounds like both an asshole and an idiot, and I'd love to hear back about all the mind blowing multiple orgasms you're hav.. oh wait. Probably not, huh?

Dan is spot on, AND he could've given a bit more technical direction, but hey that's what commenters are for, right? Good suggestions, all.

I've had uber-positive feedback on my technique and willingness to go down deep over the years--including my last long-term lover who used to tell me 'you give the best blow jobs in the WORLD'. Pardon my brag, but I don't have other venues to share this lovely compliment. Truth is, hearing such positive feedback makes me want to go even better, even more enthusiastically. The husband in this case loses points for not articulating what she does RIGHT, as well as for the 'be creative' dump of his amorphous complaint.

Here's my two cents.

One of my favorite moves is to switch the speed, pressure and energy over time, make it a slow mouth fuck--bring him up up up to near climax, then casually and sensually withdraw my mouth while squeezing the base of his shaft. Both breathe for a moment or a few, then recommence oh so slowly just at the tip, kitty licks at first--like a shy girl getting to know her lollipop. Slowly increase the mouth to cock ratio, rhythmically, until the head is again fully enclosed in mouth. If he's hyper-aroused again by now, I'll enclose my mouth over the head so my lips are firmly sealed at the base of the head, but with no pressure on the head itself--it's in my mouth but not touching tongue, teeth or anything. Hold it there, let him feel the anticipation. Then very slowly pull down and suck that head firmly and hold, then slowly release. Do this a few times and slowly work down the shaft as deeply as you can. By now the sucking pressure is very firm, and you can alternate that firmness with very loose pressure on each intake (stroke?).

Sometimes I ditch all pressure and simply slide and glide, as if my mouth is a big wet pussy, until that moment when....I suddenly suck it up and switch to death grip by mouth for a few strokes. By alternating pressure, grip and speed, you create a sense of anticipation.

After plenty of this sort of teasing, speed it up a bit, then slow it down. Speed it up again, but for a bit longer before pulling back. Slowly increase the high-speed stretches until he's out of his head and wants to fuck your mouth like there's no tomorrow. If you're into that, go for it. If not, stay in charge and prolong his misery/pleasure for as long as you see fit/enjoy his quandary. Then.....let 'er rip! Give it all you got till he climaxes...

I cannot say enough about developing deep throat skills. Most of us aren't born to swallow cock, but don't go all complacent and say 'I can't, so I won't'. Deep throating is a skill, nee an art that can be developed over time. I was that 'I can't' lady in my twenties. In fact, I didn't particularly enjoy giving head, especially since I was non-orgasmic, and felt I was giving more than getting. Thank gawd for age, acclimation, and experience! Over time I grew to freaking LOVE giving head, and over time I slowly increased my ability to dissipate the gag reflex. Also, I gave up giving a fuck about drooling, gagging, leaking profuse tears, and even the occasional little upchuck that sometimes happens (avoid blowing within two hours of a meal if a bit of upchuck is a dealbreaker!). Turns out many, many men actually enjoy the visuals of so many bodily excretions from what I call the pussy-mouth. Turns me on too, when I register their delight at my efforts in pleasuring.

So if deep throating is daunting, take a load off and know it's a SKILL to be developed, not usually an inborn talent. Give yourself time and practice, practice, practice. Helps to stay on TOP, to be the one in control so you can move and practice at your own pace. Eventually--with practice--you'll be rewarded with the ability to take cock WAY down your very relaxed throat.....and GET OFF on that! (Not to mention receiving excellent feedback from your grateful lovers, which is a reward in itself...).

Right/wrong way is all relative to both people involved: there are few hard and fast rules. Well, OK, maybe hard and fast ARE rules for some....but why go all frenzied from the get go when you can lovingly/cruelly draw out pleasure over a longer time for a more earth-shattering climax?

What works for me could well work for you also.....on the other hand, you and your partner are unique, so give everything a try, toss what doesn't work and enhance and hone that which does.

Back to the OP: you give little info about the general satisfaction of your marriage. Assuming you're in love, the rest of it's great, etc......share this post, Dan's advice, and commenters' feedback in the spirit of starting a more productive conversation. I feel for the hubby in that sometimes it's easy to identify what doesn't work so well, but damn hard to articulate just what DOES work. As Dan suggested, if he's as inexperienced as you are, perhaps he doesn't really have a handle on what exactly he wants/needs to get off and feel satisfied. Excellent opening for deeper communication. Find a sex-pos therapist for a few succinct sessions on opening up sexual communication, which seems to be the root of your distress--NOT your BJ skills!

Best of luck!

Wow. I would interpret "Your blowjobs are boring" as "You don't need to give me blowjobs anymore."

Auntie Angel Teaching Her Grapefruit Technique (the action begins about 2' 42")

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UaKLD3ug…

HuffPo's take:

http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2014/07/…

STRONGLY RECOMMENDED FOR REPOSTS / RETWEETS: This hilarious parody by an Asian gal and her gay pal:

FRUITING 101

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5fr3yHt…

TIWDIW's husband has given a vague, unhelpful, and obviously hurtful critique of her blow job technique, but I reserve judgement on whether he is an ungrateful asshole. Communication is a two way street, and TIWDIW and her husband appear to have some issues in this area, at least in so far as discussing sex is concerned. Perhaps he deserves the lion's share of the blame, or not. He may be a fine communicator in other areas, and has found discussing sex difficult or embarrassing. But even if he's been an unworthy partner in his criticism, I still think Dan's advice could have been more helpful if re-framed.

I do agree that there is no magic bullet blow job technique. TIWDIW and her husband need to experiment with what works for them. One thing I thinks merits a try is adding more 69 onto the menu, which goes a bit to Dan's question. Personally, I enjoy receiving a blow job more when performing cunnilingus. First, when my partner is between my legs, it puts her somewhat out of reach, which creates a physical and psychological disconnect between us. When she is turned the other way, I can use my hands and mouth on her body. This makes sex more exciting, and keeps me in the moment. Perhaps that is also the case for TIWDIW's husband. He may simply not love a straight up blow job. Second, in a 69 position, a woman can more easily and comfortably take a cock in her mouth, and do so more deeply, which I think makes for a better oral sex. Third, I think being orally stimulated takes that person into a different headspace, in which conscious thought is diminished. Without exception, I find my partners suck more forcefully, stoke more firmly, and take my cock more deeply when I perform cunnilingus on them at the same time.

So rather than focusing on learning new tricks, I suggest a change of position.

Delta 35, go play in traffic.
For those writing in with helpful hints, as always, bless you for your enthusiasms.
I appreciate the effort that goes into deep-throating, but I've never found that I got any extra sensation from that particular act. It's hot to look at, and some girls are obviously proud of being able to do it (Nocute, looking at you, from when I untied your wrists from the bedpost and moved the ties to around both ankles to the bed's foot), and I try to always register appreciation, but attempt to find a way to communicate that doing it for long is not required. If you don't have totally clear nasal passages, I imagine that's a rough one, like running the 800.

What's always stood out for me in good vs bad BJ's is the smoothness of the in-and-out of the mouth, all glide, no teeth, along with that certain 'X' amount of ring-of-lips pressure. Maybe I overthink things, but I'm always somewhat aware of how long the girl's been going, and 'jeez, is she getting tired? Is she starting to doubt her skills?...' Some girls, I'm not sure if I'm going to come. Some girls within ten seconds it's like your cock is in melted butter, you know you're going to, then it becomes 'beat yourself in the head to not come too fast,' unless it's the first orgasm of that session, in which case it's a compliment, and you get hard again and soldier on.

A lot of the stuff that was smoking hot at the time and I still look back fondly on, like speeding up the mouth+ fist pump + an encouraging 'mm-hmm! Mm-hmm!' when she knows you're just about to come (Fight Club was wrong, full mouth doesn't equal all vowels,) was hot because it was, give or take, a one-off, if they did that all the time, it starts turning into 'that's my move!' territory.

That said, hubby sounds like a jerk. Blowjobs are important, but unless he's got some weird repression going on, I have a hard time believing that this is the only arena where he expresses himself this way. Relating 'my husband gives blowjob criticism like a petulant jerk' is like saying 'the crackhouse next door plays crappy music out their windows,' it's a problem, yes, but indicative of a much more deeply troubling situation.
'Being able to talk through problems/issues like adults' is on my short list of requirements for a partner.
You two got kids?

Sorry, Delta35, mistook you for a previous telemarketer. Stay out of traffic, and look both ways.

@12 - On the one hand, I wouldn't want these threads to turn into Penthouse Forum. On the other hand, I hope all of that is true and that you work in my office.

Lots of good advice given in the comments.
I would suggest not dismissing porn out of hand.
I see/reblog plenty of non-deep throat Bj pics and Gifs on Tumblr. There are lots of ways to give a blowjob, and many that aren't the "pump in and out" variety.

I can't fully blame the husband for not knowing what to suggest. I am that way with cunnilingus. With some partners I just come easily that way, other partners, not so much. I really have no idea what to suggest though. Then again, I don't complain about it and say it is boring for me.....

So wanted to point out a couple of things.

1) this is an older letter/response. Not sure if that's relevant to anyone.

2) There were comments a day or two ago about the need for men to use their voices during BJs. I agree totally with whoever cautioned against getting into a "who is worse at oral" contest, but she can certainly give him advice for improving his own experience and hers while he's receiving.

For example, he might enjoy it a lot more if she was really getting off on it. What would she like him to do to help her maintain enthusiasm? Probably "lie there and complain" isn't it. But lots of girls like going down on guys, and isn't a bj even more fun if you can imagine your dick is so amazing that it can make her hot without ever coming near an erogenous zone? (not that the mouth isn't one, but that isn't why people enjoy them usually).

People criticizing their partners sexual techniques need to remember that confidence is all-important. If you need to redirect, dobson in a way that doesn't kill confidence! It's counterproductive!

I think he wants some assplay but is too embarrassed to ask for it.

Just read this on another comment thread _
""I've told this story before, but when I was a freshman in college, they had a luge party, and when it was my turn to do a shot, I started going down on the luge like it was a vagina."

So you talked about how good you were at it, did it for two seconds, then complained about your neck hurting?
AMIRITE, LADIES?!?! “

Seemed apropos.

Try:
Ice in mouth
Rim his ass
Dirty talk with his cock in your mouth

These are things I like :-)

@6
Wrong. The only question she asked was "Is there anything nonstandard but fun that you could suggest?" Commentary aside, some attention to the question asked would be appropriate.

So much discussion of actual techniques and methods, which is all very good but really sort of academic.

Why doesn't he just give her feedback while it's happening? Like "okay, that feels like a 5. When you do that, it feels like a 7. That's great, more of that." There is seriously nothing worse than a sex partner who goes along with something THINKING that the other person is enjoying it (but in reality actually isn't) or vice versa. I wanna KNOW if it feels good, or if it doesn't.

Communication during sex is key. Doesn't happen in porn, but sex isn't porn. I

You don't have to like porn but it occasionally serves as visual instruction. Go here and watch how she handles a cock. You can take or leave the domme stuff, but she really knows how to play with a cock and make men want to cum. http://xhamster.com/user/MistressSultryS… Also google Vanessa del Rio - classic porn star - I would love to get my cock sucked like that.

@25
Yes of course you are right but who doesn't like talking about blowjobs? It's a great topic!

All the technique advice here is great but also remember that not all cocks are the same. Some like different things. My bf could never cum during bj's with other women and he's been with more than his fair share. It took me awhile to figure it out but he needs to apply pressure to the base of his cock while I suck him and using any sort of sucking pressure doesn't work on him. Its a weird thing to get used to when every other guy I've sucked likes sucking pressure. So maybe ask him to help there is no reason his hands can't be down there too.

Also fantasy is a big thing, sometimes it's not technique it's mindset. Get him to tell you some of his horny stories or fantasies while you suck him or tell him yours.

Just try a few things and see but I think the key as others have mentioned is to look like you enjoy it and actually enjoy it. I have always loved sucking cock it gets me off. I like to have their cock in my mouth when I'm wanking. Lots of guys have commented saying they feel that I really like their cock. Everyone wants to know that you're totally into what they have. If he thinks you're into it then he might feel more into it too.

Last point I also totally agree with Dan. It was a dumb and hurtful way to tell you he didn't like your bj's and he better be going down. If he's not he doesn't get to complain!

Stop giving suggestions. This guy doesn't DESERVE better blowjobs.

@28; tell him your fantasies while sucking him? gee. Some of you people have developed talents. Though if I remember my mother's instructions, talking while sucking isn't very polite.

Lol LavaGirl I don't know about you but sometimes I come up for air and use my hands, bj's can go on for a long time it doesn't have to be hard out sucking the whole time. Play is good.

Of course, my mother's actual words were, don't talk with your mouth full.
Think she was on about food, but surely the principle's the same?

So.. I find myself for the second time, to be in a different place than Dan on this. Dan seems to be making a big ass assumption about how the information was shared, and then gives advice that amounts to revenge. No thanks Mr. Columnist. Save the revenge for enemies, not your partner. How about, instead, a little constructive advice that includes what she could do differently... as asked. I agree that BJs in a longterm straight relationship do diminish in frequency, but as she is working to keep that spark alive... then give her the goods.

Lava girl your mother is right the proper etiquette is to talk between mouth fulls. Then it's polite dinner conversation. From memory no cocks were allowed on the table either or was that elbows? But remember even the queen sometimes eats with her hands.

I would say, if you are watching straight porn and not picking up any performance techniques (other than extreme deepthroating), you probably aren't watching the "right" porn.

That being said, you guys are married, you've probably had some frank conversations, and now's a fine time for another. Make your partner tell you explicitly what he *might* want. Now, if I were in this scenario I'd be reticent to say, so you might need to really demonstrate that it's a conversation you're into having (as opposed to a "trap" conversation which many men, myself included, are wary of) with some explicit suggestions (it can be humiliating to have to say "would you like me to play with your balls while I blow you?" in a non-sexy way), but that's really for your benefit, not his. He's old enough to say what he wants - and you should feel OK that your BJ's are "good not great". That's above average!

http://www.buzzfeed.com/lorynbrantz/how-…

Cocks on the table Anemone, that's a comforting image.
A woman could, you know, pick a cock, and practice. No need to go looking round the streets.
And fetish, with that sort of practice us women would get to above average.

Seconding Chase @29...

Another thought. It's pretty normal for things to get boring after 8 years of doing them the same way.

Maybe the entire sex life needs some work in the "same old same old" department?

But since this is an old letter, it would be cool to hear what she did and how it worked.

And of today's comments, #1 is my favorite.

The problem here is NOT her technique. The problem is spoiled brat hubby who probably spends his free time loading his imagination with porn - people being paid to look "creative" -- and judging his wife by a standard that has nothing to do with real sex or real relationships.

And I'll bet he doesn't do much for her, oral or otherwise.

I think she should DTMFA.

@40. Shit, no body told me it was a competition. I'd have worn my lipstick.

Communication! You BOTH have to do it. However, this guy sounds like a real dick (pun intended). If you are determined to stick with this loser, or for future reference, personally blowjobs where the girl just bobs up and down on my cock aren't particularly effective. LOVE that cock, especially the head, and suck hard! While playful little butterfly kisses might seem the way to go (because most women orefer a light touch

Stupid computer cut me off! As I was saying, for me at least, a more enthusiastic hard suck is the way to go! Especially concentrating on the underside of my cock head. But that's just me.

I personally think Dan hit this one out of the park in terms of making it very clear that the LW's husband needs to be specific if he's going to be critical. Kudos to the LW for reaching out for advice, and as far as what she should be doing differently--it's hard to implement any advice from anyone if she doesn't really know what her husband wants. Attempting to please him when no real boundaries or directions have been given is really risky, especially when she seems to already feel like she's not doing a good job. This boils down to a communication problem more than anything else, and it's not her fault that he can't articulate what he wants, if he even knows.

So I've been known to suggest to my partner something was "boring" when really I just didn't have the guts to say what I really wanted because I suspected he wasn't actually into it (I KNOW. Say what you need to saaay.). By saying "boring" what I meant was, "Hey this is your pass to try some fucked up thing and maybe it'll be the fucked up thing I'm hoping for!"

I wanna give your dude the benefit of the doubt and question if he could have some silly request that he's hoping you'll stumble upon? Like, maybe it's an issue of he wants you to swallow or try to desensitize your gag reflex or beg him for his load or sit on his face while you blow him or stick things up his butt or let him pull on your pigtails at the same time? (I'm guessing if he just wanted Altoids on his junk, he'd say so.) At any rate trying these things (if you aren't already) should slap the "boring" right out of him.

She should smoke a little mmj or have some edible.. It will make her incredibly orally fixated
and she won't have any trouble eating him up...

Well the LW has plenty of advice now if she wants it, but I still agree with @29. (And @13, and the others who said more or less the same thing) He sounds like the kind of person where, if she told him her feelings were hurt by what he said, he would say it was her fault for being so sensitive.