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800 Maynard Ave S, Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98134
800 Maynard Ave S, Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98134
She says "My husband and I have been married for fifteen years and have three children", one of whom is 12, but the "affair" happened after "Seven years into a totally sexless marriage", and she became pregnant after it (after "trying to have children for many, many years"). So shouldn't the kid be 8 at the oldest? I tried thinking that maybe they have three children but the other kid is from a previous relationship, but it still falls within the time period of their marriage.... I am confused.
I'm also suspicious of the husband- if he enjoyed sex so much before they were married, what has he been doing all these years? It's a classic cheater move to be creepily suspicious of a partner and to cling to one or two nominal affairs to feel justified. I wouldn't rule it out.
Bit confused also re no sex and children.. Mary, Mother of God managed it, so I won't quibble.
Frustrating story and then some.
Any chance you guys could just kill the pretense of marriage LW, and just be co parents? Then you could find a bit of fun and he could do whatever.
Wait, he suddenly developed a case of ED as soon as you said your vows?
His friend became physically affectionate and I found myself falling head over heels for the guy. The attraction was dynamite.
Wait, is this your way of saying that you were fucking this guy?
We had been trying to have children for many, many years and had been unsuccessful.
Wait, you intentionally had a baby with your verbally abusive alcoholic impotent husband?
He said I was the sexual aggressor.
Wait, I thought you said it was the guy's fault.
Now my husband says the scab has been ripped off, that he always knew I was a liar
Wait, did the friend tell your husband the secret part where you fell "head over heels" for him?
Dan, I am really lost.
So am I, Dan.
can he get past this?
I'm gonna go with "no", because you're both crazy people.
She didn't cut to the chase.
I know, right? That period when she was trying, crying, and begging her husband for sex, because she "could not stay in a marriage with no sex" -- that would have been a good time to get out of the marriage.
Bottom line, SALT, you and your husband are modeling terrible patterns for your children. Get in touch with a lawyer and leave as soon as possible.
I think the issues of her own illness after the accident and her child's long-term issues are all part of this.
I think she and her husband are just too bogged down with the past - they are doing their children no favors.
I'm think they need a lawyer, stat.
I'm also really confused about the impotence thing and the sexlessness of a marriage that produced children. Also, did you sleep with Mr. Affair or not? And why did your husband get angry when Mr. Affair's wife sent a present for the birth of your child? I thought you all were friends.
Who cares about these people; I feel very very sorry for the three kids -- and anyone either of these people get involved with if they ever separate.
The point where she decided it was ok to jump her husband's friend while her husband was in the same room would also have been a good time.
@Sandiai: What's wrong with leaving?
Because if they split up, they can no longer blame their craziness on each other.
Except....
What idiot would stay in a marriage like this, much less have children in it? Sure, hubby is a dickwad, but SALT, you really worked hard on helping to create this situation. I'm not talking about the not-even-an-affair, but the daily devotion of staying with someone who is making you miserable.
And what's up w/ the crazy timeline, anyway?
She sounds truly miserable, but this is one of those rare letters that just don't add up to me.
This, too. LW's general level of crazy sounds a lot like people who've spent a long time being emotionally abused. Sanity, like water, seeks the lowest available level.
I disagree with dab. DMTFA. Husband isn't going to put a cap on it and neither are you. Go to your mother's, your sisters, somewhere, and get counseling yesterday to find out why you engaged in such self destructive behavior as having kids with this guy after knowing he was such a douche. Not even I was nuts enough to do that with crazy husband no. 1
ME TOO.
So, either she was 1) exaggerating about hubby's inability to perform/sexless marriage, 2) they were trying in-vitro all along or 3) the Angel Gabriel popped in and we now have history's second and third virgin births.
According to LW's view, hubby comes across as the world's biggest asshole (but she sticks with him and keeps shucking out kids). Now, she's dealing with the cluster-fucked consequences of her own actions. Lots of people have advocated leaving and forcing him to pay child support / get the welfare system to take care of the kids. Wouldn't it be great if that was how things worked? Asshole husband probably can't pay or won't pay. Welfare system could be the last, worst choice depending on which backwater, rat's hole of a state she lives in.
If this letter is real, "get out and do the best you can" seems to be the lesser of the evils here. People do survive on their own, even ones with special needs kids.
Quoting from the letter: My husband I attempted to go to counseling and it basically came down to this: either my husband has to accept his part in this tragedy or we had to divorce and move on. Due to ages of our children, we decided to sweep it under the rug and move onwards.
That's the big blaring non-sequitor, something left out part of the letter. Yes, it did come down to the husband accepting his part in the tragedy AND DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT, like going to a doctor as he refused to do initially, and that had nothing to do with the ages of the children.
SALT-- Take the letter you sent to Dan straight to a counselor yourself. Good luck to you.
My guess? Two terribly immature and kind of insane people decided to get married, multiply their insanities, and then inflict themselves on some kids. This caused some obvious tension which, paragons of maturity that they are, they dealt with by being assholes to each other.
The worst part is, you're probably right.
How can these two even have friends?
http://www.theonion.com/article/autistic…
The LW should look into support services for her special needs child. She may be able to get in home or nursing care for her child, maybe even respite services. If she doesn't have insurance and doesn't qualify for medicaid, her special needs child should still qualify under the Katie Beckett program. If so, she can get a case manager to help get these services in place. If you have a personal or work insurance program, they should still have case managers to help. Your child may also still qualify for Katie Beckett (it's worth having in addition to private insurance.)
Once you feel like the situation with your children is more manageable, divorce may also seem possible. Children do much better in a stable loving divorced home than an angry and chaotic married home.
Get away from this man, LW. However. Whatever you have to do to not live with this sort of monumental abuse, then do it.
Intelligent pathological liars create ridiculous stories, sometimes people just gibber in loneliness and hope someone, anyone believes them.
I don't know if this is fake or not, I frankly just hope so.
The lesson, obviously, is that women are bad at math.
Or, that people with higher sex drives than their partners, or people who are looking for sympathy, sometimes lie. Who'da thunk?
Some people think it's quackery. I think it's probably more like acupuncture or Magic Eye drawings -- it works really well for some people and not at all for others. It worked super-well for me. I shouldn't have waited six years to try it. But make your own decision.
Well, sham acupuncture (practiced by untrained actors who know nothing of it) 'works" exactly as well as acupuncture applied by "trained professionals".
The point being the more she denies his accusations, the more enraged he gets. Forcing him to face and acknowledge what he obviously fears, may help break this endless cycle of fear, accusations and blame he's exhibiting.