God Won't Take No For An Answer

Comments

1
And does God have some sort of heart condition that necessitates changing out His heart for a new one? ("God's changing hearts") Who would even perform that operation?? I hope it goes ok for Him!
2
i was at a funeral two weeks ago. it was officiated by a deacon or whatever of this church, and he repeated that slogan during the service twice. i was simultaneously all "ahhh, sweet" and. "GAH! TERRIFYINGLY HORRIBLE!" at the same time. talk about a (creepy) mixed message.
3
God no
4
Good God, it's like an Adele song.

"I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I need to leave a thousand disturbed voicemails
And set fire to your dog"
5
therefore, I don't have to do anything about it either!
6
Wait, what?? I thought he hated the gays! Am I still going to hell or not? A girl has to plan....
7
@2: Brilliant! Thank you.
8
@7: Er, nothing against #2, and I like you very much, but I meant to direct #7 at #4, eclexia's parody of Adele's "Someone Like You." THAT was brilliant and I thank you for it.
9
Sounds like the time I went to church with my sister's family and accompanied my niece up to the front for communion, and when I myself refused communion discreetly the priest blessed me on my forehead without my permission. I felt violated. Blech.
10
To be fair, the Bible is basically full of times when the Israelites are like "LEAVE US ALONE, WE'VE MOVED ON" and God's all "CAN'T YOU SEE YOUR NEW GOD ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU, COME BAAAAACK."
11
Why all this ruminating? If Satan is you're God, and he loves you whether you like it or not - does not that fulfill your masochistic and pessimistic sprituality?
13
@10: Like the time he catches them with their new boyfriend, er, god, and has his priest murder it?

How about the people who are like "you know, your god is pretty awesome, can we join you?" and he's all "sure... J/K kill all your men, take your women."
14
@Phoebe : hey, at least in the Bible the snake is kind enough to help the humans become intelligent, whereas God lies to them about the effects of the tree of knowledge. Why would anyone adore a lying dishonest God, who has anger issues, and who is such a jerk that he commits genocide and animal extinction on his own Creation, as a temper tantrum, when the allegedly all-knowing Him realizes he fucked it up ?
15
Someone needs to go over there with a purple Sharpie and put quotes around "college". And, for that matter, "spirituality".
16
@11 Wait. I thought there was only ONE God and that there shall be no other gods before Him. Why is it that so-called Christians are always bringing up this other one?
17
And God says "I'm a jealous boyfriend, erm I mean god," as if that makes it okay to sabotage all the Israelite's future relationships whenever they're on a break. What a douche.
18
What if someone put up posters that said "Your god doesn't exist, and there's nothing you can do about it."
19
@14: You're being too literal. The word "God" does not always mean Christian even though it's on that church's sign. It's simply a noun for all religion's ultimate "wise one" - or even a non-religious person's idea of what "God" is to him or her.

If one's sensibilities is troubled by such a statement, they're adverse to any sense of spirituality. Christian or not.
20
God, spirituality... oof. Ever know a kid that would mix GI Joes and Transformers in the same play scenarios? That's how people are with religion. These are specific franchises people, find one you like and go with it before I catch Rainbow Bright riding Twilight Sparkle on the way to Castle Greyskull.

Also, that God sounds hella rapey.
21
@19: I'd tell you how wrong you are if that made any sense.
22
19 is as clear an example of the motte-bailey fallacy as I've seen recently.
23
They are super liberal and completely down with the gays. But a bad slogan nonetheless.
24
@21: If just you think I'm wrong, it's your subjective view. However, if you are theologian or have a degree in religious studies, you might have a point to make - then let's hear it.
25
I can explain it if anyone is actually interested. Since so many LGBT people have been excluded from many Christian denominations, and since this church is welcoming and affirming to the LGBT community, they want people who come in the doors to know that God loves them, just as they are, Just as they were created. No need to be in the closet to be accepted. They don't have to "earn" God's love. It exists because they exist.
26
Semantic similarity does not a point make.

The unconditional love of God is a message that has fallen on the deaf ears of urban elites for literally 2,000 years, but still widely received in parts of the world (such as Pioneer Square) where being assaulted isn't just a threat of day-to-day life, but an actual reality.
27
@18: They'd be right, so there wouldn't be any point arguing about it either.
28
if you are theologian or have a degree in religious studies, you might have a point to make
Yes, Phoebe, you should elicit opinions on this only from people with enough of an interest in religion to make the study of it their life's work. Meanwhile, I'm going to take a poll of pet shop owners and breeders on the question of whether or not I should get a dog.
29
@1:

Well, based on that before-and-after picture I'd say God really needs to cut down on the red meat and the white bread - he can only have so many transplants before his poor dietary habits become the death of him.
30
What gets me about this Defective Deity are His multiple personalities... one moment, He is all love & cuddles & kisses; the next, He is smiting & smoting & huffing & puffing like a deranged bully. Plus He is so insecure as to require me to believe in Him, or ELSE!

Couldn't Christians have created a slightly more believable Lord God Almighty than this wackadoo that we're apparently stuck with? At least we have one rational, true religion: The Church of the Subgenius... Praise Bob!
31
you're doing this for page hits. and conveniently forgotten that this very church was the scene for your character's funeral in 'crocodile tears'. are you guys that desperate for money?
32
@19 - Presumes a lot about religions. Thinking of Taoism, or many interpretations of Buddhism, or Spinoza's pantheism or Bruno's panpsychism, there are a number of religious traditions that have no formal deity or "wise one" (though many of them use the word [G/g]od, or other terms like Tao or Karma, to describe fundamental unity of phenomena) and, more importantly, do not imbue their central energies with capacity to love any more than with capacity to judge; that is, one may be religious without believing either in deity or in the notion that one is loved unconditionally by unseen forces.
33
Divine unconditional love, etc. etc.
Just chill, Dan. They're saying that God's lovingkindness abounds even for those that have turned away from Him. It's something NICE.
34
God loves you so much he tortured his son to death to redeem you from the sins that he created you to commit.
35
Leftism is the only acceptable religion these days.

It's funny that you chose this church to mock, Dan. If memory serves, it's the most pozzed-out, rainbow brigade church in town.
36
"...makes God sound a scary ex-boyfriend..."

Dan, I think you meant "makes God sound *like* a scary ex-boyfriend". (I would add: one with unsurpassed delusions of grandeur.)