I had sex with a second cousin—our mothers are first cousins—a few years ago. We were not raised together. We had only ever met twice. Then we wound up "hanging out" for a week or so. Had sex several times. We swore it was a one-time deal and that we would never to tell anyone. A couple months later I moved across the country and married someone else.

Well, a couple years have passed, I'm getting divorced, and I've moved back to the area. Now we are talking a lot and both want to meet back up and fuck a lot more. Problem is... he cares more than I do if family finds out. Or at least he says he does. I adore him. He's an asshole but at least he's honest about it. Also there are a bunch of other problems with the relationship. But... on a physical level, he has everything I've ever wanted and never had in a partner.

TBH I never stopped thinking about him even while I was married. (Nothing to do with the divorce, I swear.) I don't know where this is going but I do know that we are family and will always be in each other's lives. I know it may make problems for us in future relationships. Or maybe we will just keep doing this. I don't know. I feel drawn to him in a way that i can't explain. I am very conflicted. Should I be doing this? Not just because the cousin thing... but all the other complications? A semi-large age difference. I'm mid divorce and probably need to just, I don't know, be alone and learn to be ok with being alone.

Before you answer I think you should know a couple other details. I always wanted to be with someone way bigger than me. My exes have all been little guys. Either short or really skinny. And never much taller than me. And I've accepted them because "love." My cousin is like 6'6" and 275 pounds. He is really big. In a super delicious way. And honestly I could list about half a dozen reasons why we definitely should not be in a relationship which I have not mentioned. Can you help me out here? I need clarity, what I have is fog.

Can't Spell Cousin Without SIN

This comes to us courtesy of the National Conference of State Legislators:

Twenty-five states prohibit marriages between first cousins. Six states allow first cousin marriage under certain circumstances, and North Carolina allows first cousin marriage but prohibits double-cousin marriage. States generally recognize marriages of first cousins married in a state where such marriages are legal.

First cousin marriages are totally legal in half the United States and legally recognized in all fifty states—and you guys are second cousins, CSCWS. So you two shouldn't let "OMG COUSINS!" stand in the way of fucking around or, if you can work through your other issues, shacking the fuck up or getting the fuck (re-)married. There's nothing to feel conflicted about here. Yes, it might squick out some family members... but I didn't let that stand in the way of my happiness, CSCWS, and I don't see why you should let it stand in the way of yours.

And, hey, here's a list, courtesy of Wikipedia, of people who were married to their cousins. Bach, Darwin, Einstein, FDR—all married to cousins, as were seemingly half the signers of the Declaration of Independence. And, hey, here's a website with info and message boards—a website that doesn't seem to have had a design update since the early 1990s—just for cousin couples.

Share those links with your towering hulk of a cousin and see if that doesn't make him feel more comfortable with the idea of the rest of the family discovering your hugely boring secret.

But you do need to ask yourself if you want to be a guy who happens to be an asshole over the longterm, CSCWS, which is a much bigger issue than being with a guy who happens to be your second cousin. Your cousin may be the only way-bigger guy you've been with, but he's not the only way-bigger guy on the planet.