Hello, I am Ted Cruz, a person literally without any purpose for existing.
Hello, I am Ted Cruz, a person literally without any purpose for existing. Christopher Halloran / Shutterstock.com

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Which Ted Cruz do you prefer: pandering opportunist, or dangerous zealot?

When he's talking to evangelicals, Cruz likes to boast about his opposition to gay marriage. Fair enough; the guy's chosen his side and homophobia comes with the territory, just as it's only the dark side that can wield force lightning.

But when he's talking to more socially-liberal supporters, his tune changes. Suddenly, marriage isn't so much a priority anymore. We know this because someone secretly recorded him chatting with a bunch of rich Manhattan donors. And then, for some insane reason, they leaked the recording to Politico.

There was a high bar for attending this Cruz fundraiser: lunch plates started at $1,000, so let's assume it came with a pretty generous fruit cup. Tickets to the VIP reception were $2,700. And if you wanted to be on the host committee, that'll be $10,800 please. Money well spent!

"I'm a big supporter," said some unidentified attendee on the secret recording. "And the only issue I really disagree with you about is gay marriage. And I'm curious: Given all the problems that the country’s facing — like ISIS, the growth of government — how big a priority is fighting gay marriage going to be to a Cruz administration?"

Cruz first tried to dodge the question, because he is a politician. "I'm a constitutionalist," he said. "Marriage is a question for the states."

This is a common talking point for spineless opportunists who are afraid of alienating potential supporters by actually having, you know, convictions. "If someone wants to change the marriage laws of their state, the way to do so is convince your fellow citizens — and change them democratically, rather than five unelected judges."

"So would you say it's like a top-three priority for you — fighting gay marriage?" asked the poor schmuck who spent at least a thousand dollars to support this loser.

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"No. I would say defending the Constitution is a top priority," Cruz bullshitted in response.

Just for a little context here: attacking queers was apparently enough of a priority for Ted Cruz that he was willing to speak at a conference organized by a man who called for queer people to be killed.

He also called gay marriage "one of the greatest threats to our democracy we had seen in modern times." Gee whiz Ted, if it's such a great threat, how come it's not in your top three? For that matter, what ARE your top three priorities? Fundraising, fundraising, and lunch?

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