Hadar @101: What you're failing to take into account is that TLTL wants to come out as bi. She doesn't want to come out as poly. Her girlfriend -- presumably -- is happy to keep their relationship on the down low. TLTL isn't hurting her feelings by introducing her as "my friend" and refusing to acknowledge the true nature of their relationship. In other words, my words have been in response to the fact that TLTL stated that bi disclosure is important to her. Some people took this to mean "you have to come out as poly too!", which it doesn't. While I'm in favour of coming out as poly, and I think it would be great if TLTL and her girlfriend got there one day, I'm not in favour of forcing anyone to do it who doesn't want to.

This one's a home run, Dan. Thank you. As a bisexual 57-year-old hetero-married grandfather, I hear this sort of question from young bi folks all the time: "I'm in a committed, monogamous, hetero-oriented relationship; how do I come out?"

The first step is to have "The Talk" with all the key people in your life: siblings, parents, kids (some people are closeted WAY too long). Then, put it in all your online descriptions: Twitter, Facebook, Instagram—seriously, any place that gives a brief description or bio. If you have a little free time, you might consider joining the local BiNet mailing list and your school or work LGBTQ org. Get comfortable with this aspect of yourself, so you can make others comfortable.

Since she wants to come out, it seems easy enough to mention that she's marching in their city's Pride parade (as ghostfox14 said @96), or volunteers at the local LGBT center, or likes a particular LGBT bar. Then if someone says, "Oh, you're an ally" she could say, "no, actually I'm bi."

Personally, I think the person she should be discussing this with is her FWB. Because maybe if she comes out as bi, some of their mutual acquaintances will figure out that they probably are having sex. People aren't stupid.

Bis gotta be out.

I've found that a principle difficulty in being out is a feeling that one has to justify or prove it to others. Bisexuals don't owe anyone proof or details or explanations, just the one simple fact: I'm bisexual. The other person can then be a jerk about it or not.

There was a young woman on the radio two days ago who said she was bi, though she hadn't slept with anyone yet. My coworker expressed incredulity that she could be bi if she hadn't done bisexual things. I pointed out that he presumably knew he was straight before he had ever been laid. I think he got the point.

Bisexuality isn't some kind of merit badge one has to earn. And it is definitely not something other people get to allow you to be.

@18 I like the term that someone suggested in one of these threads a while back: Flex.

nocutename,

Yes, @45 is pretty perfect. "Given that this woman is married to a man and is socially monogamous, I think any proactive coming out as bi would be offering TMI about her sex life. But she can be reactive. If someone makes an anti-bi, or homophobic comment, it's appropriate for her to say that as a bisexual woman, she is offended. If someone declares bisexuality to be nonexistent, she can out herself. In neither of these cases is she required to announce how she "knows for sure" she is bi, if she is currently having sex with a woman, or give any more details of her sex life. If someone makes the claim that bisexuals can't be monogamous, she can out herself as bi and decide whether she also wants to out herself as being ethically non-monogamous."

But @64 seems to contradict it: "If this couple has been operating in the world as a monogamous unit, and is going to continue to prefer to be perceived as monogamous, then outing herself as bisexual is either outing herself as non-monogamous, or seems to be just an identity statement out of the blue."

In @64, I guess by "outing herself" you are meaning "outing herself proactively"?

I haven't read all the comments, but just FWIW, every time I mention my wife I am in fact outing myself as straight, at least socially. Straight people come out as straight all the time.

@106: Yes, I meant outing herself proactively @64.

nocutename @108,

Whew! It can be painful, but we get there.

Alison: Ha! Like signing an energy accord!

Chaucer @103: Excellent suggestion of joining a bi group. Not only will that allow her to get more comfortable with herself and viewing her sexuality as "normal," it will provide some of the conversational openings she's looking for other than mentioning "her girlfriend."
"So, Sarah, what did you do this weekend?"
"Well, some of the folks from my bi group went out to see 'Carol.' Have you seen it?"
"Hang on - did you say bi group?"
"Yes, I'm bisexual. How about you, how was your weekend?"

@111: BDF, That would indeed be the best way to handle this information without making it into a Big Deal.