"In Walkaway, everyone is after the money." Seattle Mystery Bookshop, 117 Cherry St, 587-5737, noon, free.
THE VENERABLE TENZIN PALMO
History's only female "living Buddha," the Venerable ("Note: When mentioning her, the honorary, 'Venerable,' is always used") Tenzin Palmo spent the bulk of 12 years in isolation in a cave. The Venerable signs the book based on her experiences, A Cave in the Snow. Third Place Books, 17171 Bothell Way NE, 366-3333, 7 pm, free.
Usurping the role of man's best friend from the much-dejected canine, the elephant has begun its campaign for humanity's recognition with Scigliano's new book, Love, War and Circuses: The Age-Old Relationship Between Elephants and Humans. Elliott Bay Book Company, 101 S Main St, 624-6600, 7:30 pm, free.
ALLAN HUNT BADINER
In Zig Zag Zen, Badiner attempts to justify (for all of the guilt-ridden burnouts) the long-standard marriage of chemical dependency and Buddhist enlightenment that mars Zen's Western tradition. Elliott Bay Book Company, 624-6600, 5 pm, free.
In About the Author, Colapinto's "writer" (read: stockboy/playboy), Cal Cunningham, uncovers his recently deceased roommate's brilliant, unpublished novel based upon his own nightlife exploits. The protagonist becomes a literary celebrity, claiming the work as his own. University Bookstore, 4326 University Way, 634-3400, 7 pm, free.
In The Travel Detective, Today Show Travel Editor Peter Greenberg teaches you the tricks of travel only pilots and flight attendants are attune to. [Insert tasteless terrorism joke here.] Third Place Books, 366-3333, 6:30 pm, free.
* TOM HAYDEN
California State Senator and lefty author Tom Hayden, a presenter at this weekend's Rolling Thunder Down Home Democracy Tour (see www.rollingthundertour.org) in Renton, takes advantage of proximity by breezing through Elliott Bay in support of his year-old collection, The Zapatista Reader. Elliott Bay Book Company, 624-6600, 5 pm, free.
In Opening to You, celebrated Zen priest and poet Fischer offers his lyrical reinterpretation of Psalms with his decidedly Buddhist slant. Elliott Bay Book Company, 624-6600, 7:30 pm, free.
During my years as a tyrannical infant, my mother was careful to keep close watch on my hands as she carted me through grocery stores, knowing from experience that my sticky little fingers would often be the cause of outlandish purchases. One such purchase was a large decorative rubber lobster stolen from the seafood department, who quickly became my closest companion. My commitment to Mr. Pincher is evidenced in the bulk of my baby photos, which so often find the rubber monster clutched to my chest. This has absolutely nothing to do with Linda Greenlaw's The Lobster Chronicles. University Bookstore, 634-3400, 2 pm, free. Also Mon Aug 26 at Third Place Books, 366-3333, 7 pm, free.
J. A. JANCE
Welcome the beloved Miss Jance--the woman responsible for all of those "rookie gumshoe cracks the impossible murder case" novels that your stepmother likes so much. Seattle Mystery Bookshop, 587-5737, 3 pm, free.
NEVER SAY NOTHING. AND NEVER SAY NO.
See Stranger Suggests. Secluded Alley Works, 113 12th Ave, 839-0880, 4 pm, $6, or $5 with a donation of two books.
KRISTIN BECK and FRIENDS
Hey, guess what? Men are shit! Yeah, blew my fuckin' mind too! Need proof? The contributors to the new anthology The Moment of Truth are here tonight to chant in unison this time-honored mantra as they spend an evening discussing their foremost romantic disasters. Elliott Bay Book Company, 624-6600, 3:30 pm, free.
A beacon of hope in today's rough political climate, the stalwart Fox News Channel representative pulls his head out of Rush Limbaugh's ass just long enough to grace us with his benevolent presence as he signs Let Freedom Ring: Winning the War of Liberty over Liberalism. University of Washington, Kane Hall, room 130, 634-3400, 7 pm, free.
CHRISTINA HENRY DE TESSAN and FRIENDS
Despite their apparent resentment of the greatest country in the whole goddamn world, a mess of turncoat defectors return to the States to hawk their new anthology Expat: Women's True Tales of Life Abroad to an unsuspecting American populace. Elliott Bay Book Company, 624-6600, 1 pm, free.
Former Seattle journalist turned New York Times reporter Tina Kelley offers her premiere excursion into bard territory with The Gospel of Galore. Elliott Bay's "Poetry Potluck" to follow. Elliott Bay Book Company, 624-6600, 7:30 pm, free.
Running with Scissors, Augusten Burroughs' recent convoluted coming-of-age memoir, will no doubt erase all other claims to the throne of "most abominable adolescence" with his perversely witty tale of isolation. Think Sedaris, but, you know, with more pedophilia. Elliott Bay Book Company, 624-6600, 5 pm, free.
The legacy of patriarchal neglect extends itself as a dark cloud over the romantic life of Joelle Fraser, as documented in her recent memoir, The Territory of Men. Elliott Bay Book Company, 624-6600, 7:30 pm, free.
* STACY LEVINE, MICHAEL HOOD, and BARBARA EARL THOMAS
Roll up your pant legs, cuz here comes the flood--as West Coast Writers Approach Ground Zero. Third Place Books, 366-3333, 7 pm, free.
Using language like "actualizing" and "vortex of light," rapid eye therapist (don't ask) and Christian healer Carol Tuttle unleashes the most nondescript self-help advice of all time: Remembering Wholeness. Third Place Books, 366-3333, 7 pm, free.
Another former Seattleite returns from New York with her latest, Where the Pavement Ends, her account of exotic travels through the heart of Asia by tricycle (...I mean bicycle). Elliott Bay Book Company, 624-6600, 5 pm, free.
* CATHARTICISM--Poetry, music, performance, and chaos, with host Ricky Rebel. Wednesdays at 8 pm. Coffee Messiah, 1554 E Olive Way, 861-8233, free.
JET CITY POETRY SLAM--New venue combining poetry, performance, and the cruel dynamics of reality TV. Tuesdays at 8 pm. Central Saloon, 207 First Ave S, 427-2300, $3.
MIDNIGHT CABARET--Stories, song, and performance with host Sylvia O'Stayformore. Saturdays at midnight. Coffee Messiah, 861-8233, free.
MULTI-MEDIA OPEN MIC--Sat Aug 24 at 9 pm. Aurafice Café, 616 & 612 E Pine St, 860-9977, free.
OUT OF TUNE--Poetry and music free-for-all hosted by Jon Hogan. Thursdays at 8:30 pm, signup at 8 pm. The 15th, 7515 15th Ave NW, 706-4973, free.
POETSWEST--Open mic with featured poets James B Moore, Mark Rubin, Gary Wood. Sun Aug 25 at 7 pm. Wit's End Bookstore & Tea Shop, 770 N 34th St, 682-1268, free.
reBIRTH--All-ages open-mic brouhaha. Sundays at 7 pm. French and European Artistic and Cultural Center, 623 Broadway E, 726-4843, free.
SCRATCHING POST--Poetry open mic, all ages. Thursdays at 8 pm, signup at 7:30 pm. Mr. Spot's Chai House, 5463 Leary Ave NW, 297-2424, free.
SEATTLE POETRY SLAM--Open mic, feature, and slam with Karen Finneyfrock. Wednesdays at 8 pm. Sit & Spin, 2219 Fourth Ave, 441-9484, $4.
STAGE FRIGHT: YOUTH OPEN MIC--For aspiring writers and performers ages 14-24. Wed Aug 28 at 7 pm. Richard Hugo House, 1634 11th Ave, 322-7030, free.
* SWIRLS BEFORE PINE--A weekly forum for writers by writers. Mondays at 7 pm. Coffee Messiah, 861-8233, free.
CALLS FOR WRITERS
SURVEILLANCE WRITING CONTEST--In conjunction with Hugo House's current Surveillance exhibition. Entries due Tues Sept 3 at 5 pm. Richard Hugo House, 322-7030. See www.hugohouse.org/programs/surveillance_competition.html for more information.