KILL IT WITH FIRE

I'm as depressed as anyone about this, but we can't seem to stop giving this fool press. His book has become an internet meme, for pete's sake - why wouldn't he keep riding this particular train for all it's worth? If only we'd ignored him...

Step 1: Find something popular but terrible.
Step 2: Copy it, but somehow make it even worse.
Step 3: Revise it just enough to avoid lawsuits.
Step 4: Profit!

Sounds more interesting than Fifty Shades.

Step 1: Hit a sweet spot between public demand and commercial viability.
Step 2: Get lucky.
Step 3: go play in traffic and get hit by a bus

@2: he's a she.

@3: Time for me to write a "50 Shades" porno-fanfic, tweak the names of the characters, turn it into a wildly popular incredibly shitty book, and masturbate furiously.

All I can say is that I wish I'd thought up a story about a new and sexually naive grad entering the workforce encountering an early middle-aged, big dick-ed daddy who fucks her in half and slaps her around a little. I wish I'd known such a story would strike the chord it has struck with so many. True, from then on I'd be literary flotsam, and I would grieve about it sipping Moet sitting on my terrace overlooking the Mediterranean while James prepares the car for a trip into Nice.

@6 Good lord, how did I miss that? Still, my favorite bad romance novelist will always be the lovely Cienna Madrid.