(LIVE MUSIC) Few figures in rock history polarize the culture as intensely as Morrissey. Fans adore him. Detractors deplore him. Even people who revere the Smiths are split. But one fact remains incontrovertible: Floor seats for this show are going for $100 a pop. Suck on that. Though conventional thinking dictates that none of his solo work (with the grudging exceptions of most of Viva Hate, half of Vauxhall & I, and all of Your Arsenal) is worth a tinker's damn, his loyal legion knows the truth. Last time he was in town, he busted out jaw-drop renditions of "Shoplifters of the World Unite" and "Paint a Vulgar Picture," which bodes well for the presence of Smiths songs tonight. But even if he just plays all of Kill Uncle, the faithful will lie prostrate at the altar, grateful for the opportunity. Damn right. SEAN NELSON
Paramount Theater, 911 Pine St, 726-0777, 9 pm, $32.50.
Enter the Dragon
(FILM) For those of us who grew up in urban American Chinatowns, we could count on two things every year to remind us of our roots: huge Chinese New Year celebrations and Bruce Lee retrospectives. This year, to celebrate the Year of the Dragon, the folks at the historic Kalakala ferry remain faithful to tradition with a fabulous Chinese New Year's Eve party -- complete with a screening of kung-fu master Bruce Lee's Enter the Dragon. There will also be DJs (Elemental, Ora Prota, dkPAN, and HPX) providing music and beats after the movie, but the best part? All proceeds will benefit the Kalakala Foundation. Shing nien kwai luh!! MIN LIAO
The Kalakala, 2505 N Northlake Way (by Gasworks Park), 634-3817; movie at 9 pm, music from 11 pm-2 am; $10, 21+ only, dress warmly (there will be heaters!).
Vikki Gadget Saves the World
(THEATER) Leave it to Re-bar to house something quirky. I won't compete with Vikki Gadget's press release, which pretty much tells you everything you need to know: "Giddy, glittery, guerrilla-style musical theatre for the comic-book reading, eyebrow-piercing, extreme-sports-playing, gender-fuck fringe." It's directed by Patricia Grace Miles and features characters with names like Glornop, Frep, and Bobby Sausage. Rock on. STEVE WIECKING
Re-bar, 1114 Howell St at Boren, 323-0388, open-ended run, Fri-Sun at 8 pm, $10.
2000 Travel Show
(EXPO) It may be winter and you may be cold and miserable and broke, but don't rush to spend your last dollars on full-spectrum lighting when you can treat yourself to a "vacation" at the 20th Annual Travel Show! An endless stream of glossy color photos and brochures will have you reeling with visions of sun-soaked decadence rivaled only by the half-clad, drinkin'-rum-straight-out-of-a-coconut whimsy of Bon Jovi's Hedonism Weekend '87. JASON PAGANO
Seattle Center Exhibition Hall; Fri 1-6 pm, Sat 10 am-6 pm, Sun 10 am-5 pm; adults and seniors $6, children (under 11) $5.
Thom Jones (READINGS) In his short story collection Sonny Liston Was a Friend of Mine (recently released in paperback), Thom Jones revisits the turf he's trod before -- poverty, boxing gyms, the backsides of hospitals -- with the same brutal, punchy writing style that's earned him pages of praise. Hearing Jones read is usually a treat -- he gets his mouth around his own peculiar dialect in a hypnotizing fashion -- so pick up your free tickets well ahead of time. TRACI VOGEL
Elliott Bay Books, 101 S Main, 624-6600, 7:30 pm, free (advanced tickets required).
(THEATER) Yes, the subject lacks freshness these days, but Constance Congdon wrote about the friendship between a gay man and his best female pal before we'd all hit sensory overload on the topic. Dog Opera was first read as part of Intiman Theatre's New Voices series years ago; it was quietly earnest and funny then, and it should be now upon its return to Seattle. Northwest Actors Studio doesn't have the best record for artistic success (I believe the most triumphant headline they garnered here at The Stranger read "Actually Funny"), but this production features a hot guy in his underwear, so aesthetics be damned. STEVE WIECKING
Northwest Actors Studio, 11th and Pike on Capitol Hill, 324-6328, through Feb 26, Fri-Sat at 8 pm, Sun at 7 pm, $10.
(LIVE MUSIC) The Tractor seems like the perfect place to enjoy the melancholy beauty of Sanford Arms. Pull up a battered table or a barstool, sit back, and enjoy the achingly good music of Ben London and company. My only question is this: When will we finally be able to listen at home? Please, please, PLEASE record soon -- my CD player is starving for good music. BARBARA MITCHELL
Tractor Tavern, 5213 Ballard Ave, 789-3599, 9 pm, $6.
King Black Acid
(LIVE MUSIC) America loves categories, and for the most part they work just fine. But one segment where categories often fail is the line between hippie-dippy and psychedelic. Portland's King Black Acid, like Spiritualized (and to some extent, the Flaming Lips), play true psychedelic music -- the type that has nothing to do with war, or drugs, or bullshit protesting. At their shows, there are rarely spacy girls dancing with their arms swaying in the air, and any drugs taken do not inhibit the consumption of alcohol, but merely add to it. The '60s may be over (thank God!), but the music created in the '60s -- and subsequently wrongly attributed to hippiedom -- still lives on. BRADLEY STEINBACHER
Sit & Spin, 2219 Fourth Ave, 935-0111, 9:30 pm, $6.
(WORKSHOP) If you've been waiting for an excuse to visit Toys in Babeland, here it is. Join the fabulous duo of Tyler and Tess as they show and tell you everything you ever wanted to know about the joys of wearing and using strap-ons. This workshop will cover picking out the dick of your dreams and choosing a harness, as well as tips on packing, positions, and techniques for those at both ends. This is a great introduction for dildo virgins and a chance for experts to further hone their skills, just in time for Valentine's Day. GITANA GARAFALO
Toys in Babeland, 707 E Pike, 8 pm; open to all genders and orientations, advance registration recommended, $25 sliding scale fee.
for Moby Dick
for Moby Dick
(THEATER) Acclaimed local fringe troupe theater simple (The Master & Margarita, Strindberg in Paris) teams up with San Francisco's Ghostlight troupe to present Hunting for Moby Dick, a highly physical rumination on Melville's turbulent moral drama/celebrated metaphor parade/smashing sea yarn. Boasting a 100-percent Melville script, this whale of a play (har har!) will soon be heading down under for the Adelaide Fringe Fest, and fans of grand theatrics executed with simple ingenuity won't want to miss this one-night-only event. DAVID SCHMADER
Consolidated Works, 410 Terry Ave N, 7:30 pm, $25 tax-deductible donation suggested, but if you're broke, just pay what you can.
The Saragossa Manuscript
(FILM) What would you expect of Jerry Garcia's favorite movie? The 1965 Polish classic The Saragossa Manuscript is chock full of stories within stories within stories, jumping from Moorish princesses hot for marriage to demonic hanged men to the Spanish Inquisition. Through it all, young Alphonse van Worden (Zbigniew Cybulski) must make his way through the stories and the Spanish countryside to prove himself worthy of the two princess wives... or something like that. At a newly restored three hours, the movie does drag on some, but it's buoyed by an entertaining acting style straight out of 1940s Bob Hope comedies. ANDY SPLETZER
Egyptian Theatre, 805 E Pine, 323-4978, Fri-Thurs Feb 4-10 at (Sat-Sun 1), 4:30, 8 pm.
(THEATER) You can lodge a lot of complaints against David Mamet, but he never fails to engage an audience. He's a crafty bastard who writes with breathless intricacy about the darkness that hides, under supposedly meaningless male patter; the dialogue in Speed-the-Plow crackles and moves like lightning and allows most people who see it to ignore that it's more than slightly misogynist. This is, of course, the piece that had Madonna in her Broadway debut playing Karen, a conniving angel ministering to two soulless Hollywood moguls looking for a hit. If Insight America Touring Theater (in a production heading to Europe for the next two months) can roll with the thrill of Mamet's machinations, you won't need the Material Girl to satisfy your curiosity. STEVE WIECKING
Odd Duck Studio, 1214 10th Ave, 324-1062, Feb 4-6 and 9-10 at 8 pm, tickets by donation to benefit the cost of touring.