Q13 "HOT TAMALE" RON CORNING has star quality all right... but what's he like when he's away from the camera's gaze? Corning-head Rachelle spotted Ron at the Wallingford QFC, and (duh!) couldn't take her eyes off him as he headed to the parking lot. But her crush turned to horror when she saw hunky Ron's big honkin' SUV in a HANDICAPPED SPACE!! Rachelle spouts, "I was SO MAD!! Who does he think he is?" Then, in a delightful, once-in-a-lifetime twist of fate, one of Seattle's finest arrived on the scene to write up the hoity-toity hottie! Red-faced Ron protested, "Officer, excuse me--I parked here because my mother is handicapped." (WHA--?? The NERVE!) The hard-boiled cop--who has obviously seen his share of TV riff-raff--rolled his eyes and quipped, "Too bad you didn't bring her with you." (Right on!) TV man: "I have a decal right here, from Maine." Officer: "Uh-huh. Too bad it's not from Washington." (YES!! This is SOOO delicious!) The disillusioned Rachelle was about to shout something "really mean" before driving off--when here comes the sainted Mother Corning, puttering out of the QFC in a motorized grocery-mobile! The now-vindicated Ronnie says to his dear mother, "I guess we're getting a ticket." Mother C starts telling the officer (sniff!) how she can't walk very well, but she's trying (choke--sniff, sniff!), and explains how her son moved her out here to a nursing home (sniff!) because she had a bad fall (wah...) and a head injury (wah-h-h...), and is trying to get better (BBAAAWWWWWWW!! Oh, this is SOOO... SWEEEET! Sob, sob...). Before it was over the officer was helping Mother into Ron's big 4x4, with a step-stool Ron keeps in the back, just for her. You could tell the officer was a little embarrassed. But Ron--who by the way is an angel--graciously offers, "I understand, you're just doing your job. I'll be sure to get a Washington state decal." Oh Ron! All those drooling TV fans--they're right after all! Rachelle sums it up thusly: "He lived up to this TV ideal, and then some. I just want to wash his back, and feed him grapes. You know what I mean?" Yes Rachelle, I do. GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR SAINTED MOTHER, RON CORNING!!

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MEANWHILE, BACK ON EARTH: KOMO-4 news anchor Dan Lewis (you know, the one with the super-sized cranium?) was spotted livin' it up at Lake Tahoe's own Squaw Valley last weekend--with a "cutesy, much younger" gal-pal. According to my astute spies, they were "very touchy-feely, and giggling the whole way!" · · · Seen Sat 7/3 at the Factoria Nordstrom Rack: tall, lovely, and pregnant (?) KIRO-7 news anchor Joyce Taylor! Joyce, who was "sweet as pie," was piloting a full shopping cart! No wonder she's on a first-name basis with the whole Rack staff!

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HOMEBOYS & GIRLS: Lisa spotted much-missed ex-Entercom radio personality Pat Cashman--who's too interesting for 100.7 "the Buzz," but is just uninteresting enough for Almost Live--at the AT&T Wireless building on Eastlake, looking none too happy. Don't worry, Pat--that telemarketing position wasn't right for you anyway. · · · Despite the gray weather, a very tanned Ron Reagan, Jr. was spotted at Fremont Gardens buying a box of basil plants. Hey Ron: I hear a telemarketing position just opened up at AT&T! (Gotta do what we can to keep those Reagans out of trouble.)

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Everyone seems to know who the klepto TV newscaster is, but no one can give me any solid leads... keep digging! Shirley@thestranger.com, or 323-7101 ext. 3137.