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!@#$% CANADIAN TOURISTS! Who was sippin' a latte at the Pike Place Starbucks but Canadian mega-star Mike Myers -- with hockey skates flung over his shoulder! Cathy spotted funnyman Mike and his gorgeous (bitch!) wife in line, and whispered, "I love your movies!" Sweet Mike said graciously, "How sweet! Thank you!" -- and with a wink he signaled Cathy to ZIP HER LIP, lest he lose his anonymity and get mobbed by Austin Powers fans!
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SPIES IN HIGH PLACES: As you all know, the Rapture's coming right up. Only 144,000 people IN THE WHOLE WORLD, IN THE HISTORY OF TIME will get into Heaven. For a last delicious draught of gossip, a certain "sinner sympathizer" on high slipped me a copy of The List, so I can tell you for sure....
THESE PEOPLE DIDN'T MAKE IT: Courtney Love, Tom Skerritt, Dale Chihuly, Jean Enersen AND Dennis Bounds, Jim Forman, Steve Pool, the Q13 Qties (wholesale), John "Ass Tat" Curley, Nancy Guppy, Cindi Reinhart, Bill & Melinda, Paul Allen & his mom, Paul "Gassy Gus" Schell, Gary & Mona Lee Locke, Sunny Kobe Cook, Judge Jeannette "I'm a good Christian" Burrage, John "Whiny whitey" Carlson, Tim "I-695 Idiot" Eyman, the entire KVI 570 AM staff, Pat Cashman, Dori Monson, Heart, Queensryche, the Murder City Devils, Tad, Sir Mix-A-Lot, Jason Finn (twice), Dave Grohl, Rev. Bob "More Head" Moorehead, and the entire staff of The Stranger -- in fact, all local newspapers except The Little Nickel are going to Nether-Nether-Land.
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SORRY! NO ROOM AT THE TOP! Susan Powter, Kathi Goertzen, Harry AND Andy Wappler, Jean Godden, City Council Member-Elect Judy Nicastro, Steinbrueck AND Licata, Jimmy Church of Younker Nissan, Mark Arm, Sherman Alexie, Krist Novoselic, Tina Podlodowski, and Emily White.
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SAY HELLO TO HEAVEN! Alas, there was only room for two Seattleites: Neighborhood crank/saint Charlie Chong, and KING5 weatherman Rich Marriott. Congrats, guys!!
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REASSURING NEWS DEPT.: I hear Microsoft gave some employees Y2K Emergency Kits as a holiday "bonus." Do they know something we don't know?
See you in Hell! shirley@thestranger.com