MONDAY, JUNE 19 The week got off to a rip-roaring start today as the Supreme Court, in an ass-whooping 6-3 vote, struck down student-led prayer in public schools. The ruling closed the case brought by the Santa Fe, Texas school board, who insisted that students should have the right to decide whether prayers would be delivered before football games. The sensible Supremes allowed that students may pray privately on their own or with friends before, during, or after school, but ruled that student-led prayer at school-sponsored events amounts to the public promotion of religion, violating the separation of church and state. Moreover, the court pointed out that not everyone favors Christian prayer, and to allow students to vote on such a matter puts some students (Jews, Muslims, Satanists) "at the mercy of the majority." Now perhaps you're wondering, "What the hell kind of country forces high schools to allow such things as gay student groups, but forbids prayer before football games?" Good question. For an answer Last Days consulted our smart law student friend Mindy, who pointed out that praying in school isn't a free-speech issue. "The freedom of speech allows students to talk about religion," Mindy said. "But praying qualifies as 'establishing and promoting' a religion, which is off-limits. So, just as gay student groups are allowed to talk about being gay, they're forbidden to force anyone to engage in gay sex. Similarly, Christian students can talk about being Christian, but they're forbidden to force anyone to engage in Christian prayer." So, is Mindy equating Christian prayer with homosexual sex? "Yes," Mindy said. "Yes, I am."


TUESDAY, JUNE 20
Today: the latest and perhaps most heartbreaking installment yet in the "people living with dead family members" saga. Reuters reports that a Vancouver, BC woman is undergoing psychological examination following the discovery that she'd been living with the body of her dead father for as long as two years. Vancouver police discovered the body late last Friday, in the east Vancouver home shared by the 45-year-old, mentally handicapped daughter and her elderly father. To make matters even sadder, police report that the woman apparently believed her father was merely ill, and had been diligently caring for him until the day of the police discovery. Thankfully, this story is rescued from being a true Of Mice and Women tragedy, as police do not believe the elderly man's death resulted from any foul play. Phew.


WEDNESDAY, JUNE 21 Speaking of odd couples, here's another story of a curious pairing, this one from an eagle-eyed Hot Tipper named Jeff. Early this evening, Jeff and a lady friend exited the glamorous waterfront Red Robin to begin their trek up the ass-improving Alaskan Way/Pike Place stairway when they stumbled upon a stunning sight: a man and a woman fucking on the stairs. "Like, the guy was on top, humping quick like a bunny!" reports Jeff, who stood frozen for several moments, frantically repeating "Omigod, omigod!" before he and his friend fled for the alternate stairway. Jeff reports that the humping couple "seemed rather raggedy," and appeared to be enjoying their spectators' shocked responses. And while Last Days certainly appreciates Jeff's sharing of his splashy find, we cannot entirely endorse his "Omigod, how gross!" slant on the affair. As the couple in question were almost certainly homeless--snubbed by conservatives, objectified by liberals, shit on by everyone--we can only applaud the pair for fearlessly seizing their moment of sexy contentment, startled bystanders and Red Robin patrons be damned.


THURSDAY, JUNE 22 Late this morning in North Seattle, two armed men in black leather biker outfits burst into the Wells Fargo Bank on Aurora, where they bossed people around, pointed guns at the heads of several frightened employees, and fled with a lot of other people's money. Upon their exit, the leather-clad robbers were confronted by a bunch of Seattle police officers (alerted via silent alarm), who shot and killed one robber after the other robber shot and wounded one of the police officers. The second robber--whom police believe is responsible (along with his dead friend) for recent holdups in Puyallup, Mount Vernon, and SeaTac--remains at large.

··Meanwhile in Spokane, authorities were much more effective in apprehending one of that town's armed-and-dangerous: a two-year-old boy found wandering around an apartment-complex parking lot with a loaded handgun. The Associated Press reports that the boy's mother (found sleeping in a nearby apartment) told police she had no idea where the weapon came from. The gun-toting toddler has been placed in foster care by the state Child Protective Services.


FRIDAY, JUNE 23 Last week, Last Days issued a stinging denouncement of the single greatest problem facing America today: the increasing acceptance of public grooming. This week, we were flooded with passionate responses from readers who share our indignation. Public nail-clipping seems to be the primary offense: "Not only are those little clipping sounds absolutely stomach-churning," wrote one steamed reader. "But there's absolutely no way to control where the clippings are gonna land!" Obviously, there's a surplus of spite toward those citizens determined to make the world their lavatory, and once we get this damn monorail built, Last Days intends to devote ourselves to passing legislation to make public grooming a crime punishable by death.

··In other icky grooming news: Today reputedly cute boy band 'N Sync announced that they have licensed their own line of deliciously flavored lip balm. Lip balm producers Famous Fixins reports that each 'N Sync member will have his own flavor (ranging from Green Apple to Vanilla), and that the various balms will be sold both separately and as a five-pack. Look for the balms on supermarket shelves in mid-summer (right next to the Backstreet Boys' mustache wax and Christina Aguilera's exfoliating scrub/home pregnancy kit.)


SATURDAY, JUNE 24 Today, a creepy tale of rambunctious lesbians and idiot cops at the Seattle Dyke March. The story comes from our lovely Hot Tipper Nancy, who was strolling down Broadway with a gaggle of happy dykes this evening when two women ran by her, happily squirting each other with water. Nancy then watched one cocky bike cop lunge into the crowd to grab one of the women. When the accosted dyke asked what the problem was, she was told, "Keep it up and I'll give you a problem." The surly officer then allegedly called the women "dumb fucks" and pedaled off. Last Days is thrilled that at least one member of the SPD is savvy enough to see past the pseudo-threats of pistol-packing babies and at-large bank robbers to acknowledge the true menace to Seattle society: lesbians with water pistols. Keep up the good work.


SUNDAY, JUNE 25 Today on Capitol Hill, a whole bunch of homosexuals and the people who love them gathered for Seattle's Gay Pride Parade. Under a stunningly sunny sky, queers of all stripes marched, cheered, and cruised in the name of pride, before skulking back to their homes to resign themselves to another 364 days of deep, debilitating shame.

To the woman who hollered at me at Saturday's Dyke Rally: Thanks! Everyone else: Send your Hot Tips to lastdays@thestranger.com or phone the 24-hour Hot Tips Hotline at 323-7101, ext. 3113.