The two most irritating things you can say to a professional gossipmonger are (A), "Well, I am SURE you already know," and (B) "Well, I saw, like, that one girl--you know! The one from that one movie?" ACK! First of all, thanks for the vote of confidence, but no, I probably don't already know--and it's because everybody thinks everybody else already told me! And second, please don't crap up my inbox with all kinds of vague and useless I-think-I-saw-somebody-doing-something junk! If you think I am going to immortalize anyone in It's All True without some very specific and gory details, you must be riding to school on the short bus. But fortunately (praise-Jesus-hallelujah), IAT struck real pay dirt this week with an EMP insider who not only had enough detailed celebrity dirt to choke an orally fixated pony, she was willing to sing like a shit-faced canary! KJ, baby, this column's for YOU!

First, our lucky little snitch had the experience most of us can only dream about: She peed in a stall right next to Alanis Morissette! Aside from the fact that Miss Morissette is a "dribbler," her time spent on the porcelain throne was strangely uneventful, and KJ was unable to confirm or deny the rumors that Alanis' urine is sparkling clear, smells faintly of asparagus, and has miraculous healing powers. The source of Miss Morissette's rather copious evacuation was, however, blindingly clear: the 12 cans of Classic Coke she consumed during her brief three-hour stint. (I would like to take this opportunity to thank the EMP for providing more information on the dietary and toilet habits of Alanis Morissette than most mentally stable adults should ever know.)

According to KJ, EMP officials originally had Snoop Dogg, Dr. Dre, and the inexpressibly irritating Eminem (God I hate how cute he is!) all set up together like gangsta-rapping rats. But for some bizarre reason, the nervous Nellies decided at the last minute to separate the bad boys, skittering Eminem's bleached blond ass off to the dressing room originally set aside for Dan Aykroyd! While Dre and Snoop Dogg's rooms came complete with gratuitous copies of High Times magazine and the total of 14 Bic lighters the rappers specifically requested (?), Aykroyd/Eminem's mad pad had a very ungansta "retired in Miami" motif, topped off with (get this!) a fake putting green with cute little plastic golfer dudes! Phat!

And although I personally don't believe a word of it, there is evidence that Annie Lennox might be associated with a sticky-fingered, shifty-eyed klepto! According to KJ, when the Eurythmics' better half and her entourage vacated her swanky Asian-themed dressing room, a few decorative items vacated along with them! Among the errant tchotchkes were a pricey bonsai tree and several of those huge, overpriced, loganberry-stinking accent candles! While KJ and I would never suggest that Miss Lennox snatched the items herself, they would go very nicely with the other home accessories she scored at an upscale (read: overpriced) Pioneer Square home store.

Not only did KJ score buckets of choice dish at the EMP opening, she also walked away with bona fide celebrity relics: the filthy face rag Ann Wilson used to wipe off her (two-and-a-half tons of) makeup, and the Red Hot Chili Peppers' schlong-sheathing tube socks! These rare and holy items are up for auction through It's All True, with proceeds benefiting the Bailey Boushay House. Interested parties are encouraged to write! Ahhhh... vicious, backstabbing gossip as a force for good. That's what it's all about!

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