Tonya Harding: Misunderstood all-American sweetheart, or inherently repulsive psycho-path? All of us are familiar with the Trailer-Park Princess' well-scripted and weepy-eyed pleas for understanding and forgiveness. The more gullible may be tempted to give the doe-eyed nutcase another chance. Imagine, if you will, the horrifying spectacle that met the eye of The Stranger's Marc Pearson while dining at the chic Smitty's Family Restaurant in Wenatchee: Tonya Harding, choking down steak and eggs with a heavy side of biscuits and gravy, pausing her disgusting glut only long enough to make kissy-face with her new (yet disturbingly Jeff Gillooly-esque) boyfriend! Marc stared, dumbfounded, at the fallen skating star's stomach-turning binge and nauseating display of public affection as if in a hypnotic trance, until the spell was broken when Tonya rose to leave. Tonya Harding: baseball bats, hubcaps, breakfast. Will her assaults on the innocent never end?
Senator Slade Gorton: Harmless old coot rotting in office, or vicious despot bent on humiliating the downtrodden? One irate It's All True reader rushed to Slade's defense last week after IAT exposed his stubborn refusal to clean up his dog shit. "He runs each morning with a trowel in hand. When his yellow Lab takes a shit, he stops and scoops it up and puts it down the sewer drain." So who was this anonymous e-mailer, so quick to defend the senator? A subordinate? A hired lackey? His mommy? No matter. The Native Americans on the Columbia River tell quite a different tale about the true nature of Slade Gorton!
"It happens just about every weekend in the summer down here," writes a concerned reader. "Slade comes down [to the tribal fishing grounds] and takes the Indians' spots with his crew, runs them all off, and calls them 'Hispanics'! The Indians, who are from many different tribes, naturally think he's a big, white, scary ghost with glasses who's lost his mind. He fishes on their tribal ground, and even takes big fat stinkin' leaks right in the river!" For the love of god, Slade! Haven't these people suffered enough? Slade Gorton: Courteous shit-scooper, or crazed tormentor of the Native American populace? You decide.
KOMO 4's Dan Lewis: Trusted newscaster, or check-bouncing fiend? An IAT reader was waiting patiently to pay for her pastrami and matzo at a downtown deli when she had a shock she'll never forget. Taped to the register for the world to see was a bounced check bearing the name of her most trusted newscaster, KOMO's Dan Lewis! "It was for a measly $12," laments the disillusioned deli customer, who says she will never again watch the news with confidence. How could she? While IAT has not discerned whether this was a simple oversight, a blatant act of anti-Semitism, or if it was, in fact, the Dan Lewis of Channel 4 News (and not the Dan Lewis who felt me up on a bus during a high school band trip), considering the delinquent behavior of Seattle's other newscasting hooligans, I expect the worst.
I am watching you. Try to be interesting. Send gossip to adrian@thestranger.com.
