I bet you think it was real goddamn funny to pretend you came to my apartment in order to party, but actually came to eat/steal all my food while I was drunk in the living room. Not only did you poor bastards gorge on my food, you trashed my kitchen!

You know, it's fucking pathetic that you jock assholes need to resort to stealing food from struggling college students. Don't Mommy and Daddy provide enough?

You're lucky I was too wasted to remember what you look like, because I would stab you and your Abercrombie & Fitch-wearing bitch boyfriend repeatedly... I hope my food gave you diarrhea!