EVERYONE KNOWS YOU CATS at Q13 are new to the TV news game--I mean, hey, you guys don't even have a helicopter. 'Nuff said! But me? I've been around for a while, so I hope you don't mind if I give you some advice.

Look, being on TV means being in the public eye, which you'd understand if more people watched your shows. But hey, you don't have a helicopter, and there's only so long that viewers will keep tuning in to check out young and humpy anchors, weathermen, and sportscasters. I'm not saying you're not the foxiest news team in town--hell, I'd give both my kidneys to be Jim Castillo's underpants for a day. But over here at Fisher Plaza, we know that cute don't compute.

Which brings me to my real point. I understand you're all upset over there cuz those folks at The Stranger made fun of you all in their paper. And what did you do? Let it roll off your back like a pro, like someone who works at a station that has a chopper? No, you went all apeshit and called in your lawyers! That's not cool, and if you spent some time flying high over the city like I do, you'd be able to see the bigger picture.

Look, I know whereof I speak. The Stranger's made fun of me plenty of times. There were a few years when I couldn't pick up that paper without reading about how I was running for mayor, or that I bitch-slapped Harry Wapler in the parking lot. I'd never done any such thing! Sure, I'd thought about it--who hasn't thought about bitch-slapping Harry Wapler?--but I didn't do it. And when they wrote that I did, did I call corporate HQ and whine and cry and sic the lawyers on 'em? No way, Jose! I jumped in Air Chopper KOMO 4 and took a little ride.

So, Q13, play it cool!