If there's one thing I enjoy eating, it's bologna. Ever since I was a little girl, two pieces of white bread placed around a good slice of bologna meant a little piece of heaven. Now that I'm an Academy Award©-nominated international movie star, bologna has lost none of its allure. Did you know there's even a city named Bologna in Italy's Pedemontana Apennine region? I'm trying to get Warren, who is also a fan of bologna, to take me there for a second honeymoon. Oh, God, why am I saying this? My name doesn't even come close to rhyming with "bologna." Obviously these assholes have run out of ideas for their stupid "rhyming name" columns. "Rambling Filler with Leslie Miller"? Oh, brilliant. "Wax Your Back with Fleetwood Mac"? Pure genius. Humiliate yourselves with your idiocy all you want, but leave me out of it, fuckers.

P.S. I do not even like bologna.