You feel it. Everyone does! Malaise, misfortune, tragedy, sweeping across the country like some hideous hex sprung from a bad WB sitcom.

I don't need to whip out the laundry list of horrific events that have occurred, ad nauseam, in the last 12 months, do I? I'm confident that you understand EXACTLY what I am taking about. And I--naturally!--assumed that the glorious and untouchable world of entertainment would be spared the horror and strife dumped on the rest of us. Oh, how foolish I was!

April was especially wretched, with Big Namers suffering fates usually reserved for cast members of Diff'rent Strokes. Sad and tortured Alice in Chains lead singer Layne Staley was found in his U-District condo, apparently overdosed and definitely decomposing. Dave Grohl and Krist Novoselic are suing the hell outta screaming, carping Courtney Love. She inherited Kurt's share of Nirvana Limited Liability Company, which gives her a shitload of control over the band's interests, and the boys claim that she's just too non compos mentis to play nice. Now the twisted bitch needs to prove in court that she's not a raving psycho. Lotsa luck.

More April ugliness: Big, ugly Robert Blake has been charged with coldly murdering his wife, and also with conspiring to commit murder. (He offered a pal big bucks to do the dirty deed for him. The pal wisely declined, so Blake knocked her off himself. Allegedly.) And 17-year-old cutie Robert Iler, who plays the pot-toking hellion on The Sopranos, copped a plea and was convicted of misdemeanor petty larceny after helping his friends mug two guys in NYC.

There is plenty more misfortune where that came from: Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes of TLC was killed in a car crash in Honduras (she owned a condo there) as she was returning from volunteer work at a child welfare center in the city of La Cieba. The sweet, doddering Queen Mum dropped dead, and so did the sweet, doddering (and allegedly HUNG like a prehistoric water buffalo) granddaddy of all queens, Milton Berle. (YES--they were both older than the dirt under Moses' fingernails, but still.) Dudley Moore has gone to his great reward (yes, I actually CRIED about that one!) and Liza Minnelli got married to what looks to the rest of the world like a big ol' homo. Jewel got smashed up good when she fell off her horse (her poetry survived the incident, unfortunately) and Lyle Lovett was trampled by a raging BULL!

Yes kids, let's all take a moment to appreciate our favorite celebs. After all, you never know when you might lose one.

celebisawu@thestranger.com