FAMOUS FRUITCAKES In the interests of historical record, I DEMAND it be noted that I knew ALL ABOUT Dave Matthews' "surprise" appearance last Sunday the 29th at Steinbrueck Park. I just found out too late to make last week's copy, that's all! (Steinbrueck Park? You know--that scraggly little piece of dirt to the right of the Pike Place Market. Covered in pigeon shit and drunken hobos.) OF COURSE Dave made the cameo in support of a noble cause (yay!): a gathering for "Restoring Our Roots," a local group of folks who are just really gosh darned concerned about the way this here president of ours is treating our precious old-growth forests. And aren't we all, for heaven's sake?
So, anyway. After a season on the road, Dave is back in town, and he made a surprise appearance (that I knew ALL ABOUT!) at Stein-what-thefuck-ever-brueck Park. And how exactly did I know Big "D" had finally blown back into town? Why, reports such as the following:
"I saw Dave Matthews digging for gold at QFC! Okay, maybe he was just 'playing' with his nose... maybe there was a bug up there. Dave was standing in line at the checkout, buying one six-pack of beer, and playing with his nose."
Well! If Mr. Dave Matthews WAS yanking boogers in public, I'm SURE it was to save the Endangered Wild Alaskan Wolf Buzzard or to benefit the Protect Our Children from Andy Dick Fund or a cause equally as righteous. Shame on you for criticizing the Matthews!
And so here's the next obvious question: How exactly did I know about Dave's surprise appearance?
I'm dating his gynecologist.
Don't ask silly questions.
Sir Ian McKellen's recent visit to Seattle to plug the AIDS Walk caused quite a little ruckus. Greg Nickels formally presented him with an engraved ring at a press conference (they've registered at Bed Bath and Beyond), and later he hooked up with fellow famous fruitcake Alan Cumming and, in traditional fag fashion, went barhopping. The chatty, huggy, hand-shaky pair was last seen at Blu on Pike Street--an establishment that could only be made gayer by the inclusion of Ian McKellen and Alan Cumming. Lots of PR people where there, too.
And if you thought things couldn't possibly get any faggier, an informant named "Paco" (who has "vary" creative spelling skills) saw Violent Femmes lead Gordon Gano at the Safway [sic] on E. 15th. Mr. Gano bought beer and paid with a 50-dollar bill, but at no time did his finger entr his nos.
