In a recent Seventeen magazine interview, Justin Timberlake said some stuff. Now, I'm not going to COMMENT UPON this stuff that Justin Timberlake DEFINITELY SAID, nor make any sort of JUDGMENT upon it whatsoever. I am just going to whip 'em out (his comments, that is) and, well, let them scream for themselves. Here we go: "The single life has presented many opportunities for me to get into furnishing and decorating." Then he describes his Hollywood Hills boudoir as "manly but shabby chic." Quoth Justin Timberlake. I shit you not.

And yes. I read Seventeen magazine.

Do you remember that anonymous, unverifiable, unsubstantiated report I never told you about regarding the road rage of someone who was not Jean Enersen? Right. Well it looks like this not-Jean Enersen person (who didn't feature in that report) and some Mariner who I am NOT saying was Mike Cameron might have attended the same School for Really Sucky Driving. So the question remains: Did a Slow--Pedestrians Crossing sign that was mowed down in the Bellevue Square Mall parking lot have anything to do with this alleged sighting?

We'll never know.

"I saw the gay guy from Real World New Orleans at the Queen Anne Trader Joe's a couple of weeks ago. He was with a size zero pixie chick, and they were buying enough food for a small African country. My girlfriend says it was a celebrity sighting." That's one. "While enjoying Sunday brunch at the 5 Spot my friend and I spotted Danny Whatzhisass from Real World New Orleans. He was looking good from the side view, but as he walked out we were SHOCKED to see a sore on his upper lip the size of a dinner plate! Perhaps it was a tragic shaving accident, but I doubt it." And that's two.

Oh, people piss me off.

Okay, listen up: Mr. "Whatzhisass" is DANNY ROBERTS, and yes! He is most DEFINITELY a celebrity (duh!), and yes! He lives in Seattle with his darling boyfriend Paul, and yes! He is the most adorable, gorgeous, and SMARBILLIENT (I made that one up) piece of man-muffinage in history, and OF COURSE that huge herpes was from a shaving accident, you smarmy little snot! (Curiously, however, I have a sore in the exact same spot....) And, yes... I said SMARBILLIENT! Danny Roberts: when regular adjectives just won't do.