But my forgiving heart can't help but smile now that Whitney seems to be pulling herself together--and none too soon, if-ya-num-sayin', girlfriend. She's just admitted to a life-changing "near-fatal overdose" in an interview with Diane Sawyer, and I think she summed her situation up by saying, "I think it was as close as anybody can get. A lot of folks have come closer. But that's as close as I want to be. That's as close as I think it gets, and I don't mean any harm to anybody; it frightened me."
I know exactly what she means. Really.
So it's time to bury my long cherished Whitney-despising hatchet and give the dazed diva another shot. So from this moment on, you will never hear another pearl drop from my lips about what a SNAG that evil twat is. Scout's honor. And Whitney, call me next time you're in the 'hood, baby; we'll chill. I'm sure we have a lot in common. 420 a plus.
Since the most exciting local celebrity report this week was on somebody called Jane Adams (an extensive Internet search reveals her to be either a hearty-looking anthropology professor at Southern Illinois University or an undernoted actress who supposedly starred in Orange County and really needs a better publicist), let's keep our star-peeping peepers pointed toward the national dish. And by national dish, of course, I mean Paul Reubens.
When history recounts the heroic celebrity martyrs of the early 21st century--the gifted and beautiful we've trampled in our cultural anxiety and paranoia--right up there with Winona (three years probation: a tragedy) and Michael (let he who is without sin dangle the first baby, I say) will blink the red-bow-tied marquis Pee-wee Herman (AKA Paul Reubens), the funniest whacker to ever whack a tally. "The Man" claims that Pee-wee's had a big adventure with "material depicting a child under the age of 18," and he's been charged with a misdemeanor. Naturally, his attorney claims that Pee-wee "has never at any time knowingly possessed any artwork from his extensive vintage and antique art collection even remotely related to anything improper," and that's good enough for me.
And please don't waste anybody's time by pretending that you wouldn't care if I'd learned from the most reliable sources that Britney Spears is a closet chain-smoker, because you would, and I did.
