I get a fair amount of e-mails from readers of this column. Some of them are very sweet, and I do try to answer them, but sometimes--bad Mistress!--I just don't get around to it.
All those stories you tell--you're making them all up, aren't you?
No, they're all true. It is understood that in memoirs, one is allowed a little creativity in one's presentation. But if I say I did it, then I sure enough did it.
Don't you think a good therapist could help you?
The stress of dealing with a theocratic, sex-negative culture does get to me sometimes. But I don't need a therapist. When I feel down, I find that flogging the hell out of someone and then pissing all over the person generally sets me right back up again.
Are you a Mormon?
Uh, no. I know there are still a few polygamous Mormons around, but I'm polyamorous, which is different. I did ask Max if he'd like to have four 15-year-old wives. His response: "Only if I can trade them in for two 30-year-olds--which, actually, is what I've already got, so no thanks."
What's your advice for aspiring pro doms?
Spend a couple of years learning technical skills before you turn pro, so you don't unintentionally do real physical damage to someone. And when you choose your pro dom name, do not use any of the following: Dominique, Cruella, Evila, Sadistica, Torturella, Severina, or anything ending in "de Sade."
Don't you think you're just exploiting the BDSM community?
Actually, about 90 percent of my clientele do not think of themselves as being part of the BDSM community. They consider what they do with me an occasional, stand-alone activity, rather than an expression of their overall identity as a "BDSM person." So if I'm exploiting anyone, it's upper-middle-class white guys who don't identify as any type of sexual minority, and they seem to like it. I'm sort of hoping that Bill Bennett calls me. Clearly he'll be needing some kind of endorphin fix to replace that gambling habit.
Do you hate male dominants?
No, I love them. They taste like chicken.