I took a gamble recently: I did a professional dominance session with a woman. I had reservations about it, but she was so sweet I decided to take a chance. We did some flogging and some foot worship, and it was a delightful and successful session overall. I'm pleased, because historically, many of my female clients have been hugely problematic, and I'd just about sworn off seeing them.
A good BDSM scene can bring up some intense emotions. That's completely appropriate in the moment--emotional catharsis is one of the reasons people do BDSM. And I enjoy my sessions, but I'm a professional, so when the scene is over, I bid my client an affectionate farewell, and we go our separate ways.
I've had no serious trouble with my male clients, or couples, understanding the boundaries. But many of my female clients have seemed unable to put their emotional reactions into proper perspective. They became obsessed with the scenes, and with me, and were upset when I didn't return their feelings. They couldn't accept that what had been a life-changing experience for them didn't have the same impact for me, and they were beside themselves when I refused to book further appointments. Two of them reacted in ways that skated perilously close to stalking; they left notes on my car, tried to sway me with gifts and flowers, left strings of long voicemail messages crying and begging me to relent. I wasn't afraid for my physical safety, but I definitely felt intruded upon.
I felt very puzzled as well, because in my personal life, I've done lots of casual play with women, and nothing even remotely similar has ever happened. Why did those female clients react so differently? I don't know for sure. If I had to guess, I'd say it might be connected to the fact that none of the obsessive women had much previous experience with BDSM, and none of them identified as lesbian or bisexual. So they had no frame of reference, and no support system, for dealing with their feelings around doing BDSM, or about being intimate with another woman. And hey, they may have been a little off-balance right from the start.
But this most recent session reminded me that not all my female clients have been like this, and I shouldn't discount the good experiences. And while I'm still a little wary, I may be more willing to open that door again in the future.
