The Mistress Corrects

It's the end of the year, and in keeping with the theme of this week's paper, I've looked over the columns I've written in the past 12 months to see where I wish I'd said or done things a little differently.

"Sex Work in the City" (Jan 9) and "Under the Influence" (June 12): In both these columns, I talk about my close friendships with other sex workers. But lately I've heard some I-got-burned stories about ladies in the industry, so let me correct any misunderstanding: I've known the women I'm talking about for years, and their trustworthiness is beyond question. Just because another woman is also a sex worker, that doesn't mean you can automatically trust her to deal honorably with you. As a friend of mine in Georgia once said, "I'm black, and she's black, but we ain't cousins."

"The Rules of Porn" (July 3): I said that, contrary to what porn magazines would have you think, women don't really suck on dildos when they masturbate. I've since gotten three e-mails from women who say they do. Rejoice, Larry Flynt.

"It's Raining Men" (July 17): I regret not giving Judy McGuire--Seattle Weekly's "Dategirl"--more shit, because she truly deserves it. I never saw a woman try so hard to seem edgy and come off like such a wet sponge. No wonder she's always whining about how she can't get a boyfriend. To hear her tell it, she can't even get laid, and that's impressive, because judging by her remarks, her standards for men aren't high.

"Penis Puppets" (Sept 25): I regret not having tried to get an interview with the Puppetry of the Penis performers while they were here. Who knows, perhaps I could have gotten a celebrity judge spot for some of their auditions?

"E-mail Applications" (Nov 6): People, calm down--I do not interpret simply sending me a "Hey, loved the latest column" e-mail as sending me a slave resumé. Unless you specifically say, "I want to be your slave," I'll assume that isn't the case. So if you write me about another topic, you need not include all those anxious disclaimers about how you aren't asking to be my slave, really, really.

"Sex, Lies, and Art" (Dec 4): I should have made time for Max and me to be photographed having sex by artist/writer David Steinberg while he was in town. I would have loved telling you all about that.