In these troubling times, the comforts of dependability are important— like the fact that The Stranger's news section can be depended on to consistently bore the bloomers off of you. This week's section contains some good writing, but the bulk will inspire comas. News about Nordstrom being mean to a local merchant competes with a Q&A on transportation with a state representative (that necessitated two reporters to file, perplexingly).

Road Trip: MabtonIn the second installment of The Stranger's "Let's Mock the Rubes!" series, ELI SANDERS treks to the rural town of Mabton where he feels trepidation about entering a bar. That's it. That's the story. I kid you not.

Burning PlasticAiming to unleash an unholy fireball—with emphasis on the flaming part—upon Seattle's television media, The Stranger asked ADRIAN RYAN to wax barely comprehensible about the allure of local talking heads. The results are, as expected, impenetrable—not to mention too gay for words.

It seems Sean Nelson has seen fit to depart The Stranger after a near-decade of questionable service. Though his often-insufferable scribblings will not be missed by this ombudsman, he was, by some reports, a fine individual, as well as a noted musician (or so my niece tells me). Good luck in your future endeavors, Mr. Nelson. Your exit has brought some much-needed relief to my weary soul, and for that I thank you.