NEWS A swift perusal of this week's news section (and let's be honest: no one ever gives the section more than the swiftest of flip-throughs) finds the paper mired in its usual debauchery, as well as a now standard slap at the mayor. Other pressing topics addressed: strip clubs, video games, more pathetic sniping at the Seattle Weekly, and, last but hardly least, gay marriage. PLUS: CounterIntel, In Other Neighborhoods, and Police Beat.

SHORT FEATURE Ultimate Ambition Given The Stranger's lack of sports coverage (what do you expect from a publication staffed by college theater majors?), this piece by BRENDAN KILEY on that silly game known as Ultimate Frisbee is both insult and injury. One day, perhaps, the powers-that-be at the paper will, in the immortal words of coaching-great Tom Landry, "grow a pair." Until then, look elsewhere for coverage of real sports.

FEATURE The Last IdealistsWhat's this? A monorail feature in The Stranger? And it's been penned by ERICA C. BARNETT? Surely you jest.

HALLOWEEN STORY The Four-Foot RuleIn an effort to fill The Stranger's weekly nonsense quota in a single blow, ADRIAN RYAN offers an entirely nonsensical "scary" Halloween story.

GENERAL OBSERVATIONS In closing, a word of remembrance for Rosa Parks. In a country currently lacking heroes, she served as a reminder for what even the "smallest" of people can do. Godspeed, Rosa—you will surely have a seat in heaven.