MONDAY, APRIL 10 This week of heartfelt apologies, rejuvenated motifs, and perfectly quotable news reports kicked off today with the "National Day of Action for Immigrant Justice," as hundreds of thousands of primarily Hispanic protestors took to the streets in dozens of U.S. cities to march for fair and balanced citizenship rights. Seattle was no exception: Late afternoon saw between 15,000 and 25,000 protestors march from St. Mary's Church in the Central District to the downtown Federal Building, where Mayor Nickels greeted the crowd. Best of all, the huge, boisterous and noisy march was uniformly peaceful, with police reporting no arrests or citations and the Seattle Post-Intelligencer finding only one anti-immigration-policy protester, who stood outside the Jackson Federal Building with a cardboard sign featuring the phrase, "Illegals don't tred on me." As for the ultimate goal of today's marches: It's a ways off, with the right continuing to juggle a number of contentious options (making illegal immigration a felony, constructing a 700-mile wall along the southern border of the U.S.) and the left offering nothing more forceful than "Let it be." Stay tuned.

TUESDAY, APRIL 11 After several months in remission, today a longstanding Last Days motif came back in force, thanks to a pair of accusations of horrific violence against infants. First comes the story from White Plains, New York, where today brought sentencing for David Maldonado and Luz Arroyo, the couple found guilty of lying in a drugged-out stupor while their two young children—2-year-old Elijaha and 1-year-old David Jr.—died in a bathroom flooded with scalding water. Horrifying details come directly from the Associated Press: "The pattern of burns showed Elijaha tried to stand on his tiptoes to avoid the hot water as it spilled out of the bathtub. Investigators said the bathroom door was damaged and difficult to open, and the youngsters fell unconscious as the room filled with steam." After the boys' deaths, Mr. Maldonado—who left the hot water running—pleaded guilty to manslaughter, while Ms. Arroyo—who did nothing—pleaded guilty to criminally negligent homicide. As per today's sentencing, Maldonado will spend the next five to fifteen years in prison, while Arroyo will remain jailed for one to four years.

•• Meanwhile in Boston: Today a 23-year-old woman was sentenced to life in prison for fatally slashing the throat of a lifelong friend's infant son. Once again, the Associated Press is eminently quotable: "Natalie Rodriguez, 23, blamed her 'dysfunctional ways of living' for the drunken rage that led her to snatch 9-month-old Xavier Antonio Miranda from his crib and kill him in a snowbank." Dysfunctional and drunk, Rodriguez was also vengeful: After losing her job and being booted from her family home, Rodriguez and her 4-year-old son were taken in by the family of childhood friend Giselle Miranda, 22. But after a month marked by Rodriguez's failure to pay rent and increasingly belligerent drunkenness, the Mirandas gave Rodriguez a deadline to move out. The night before the deadline, Natalie Rodriguez slashed her friend's baby's throat in a snowbank—a fucktastically freakish murder for which she'll spend the rest of her life in prison. "I want to apologize to the family," said Rodriguez at her sentencing. "I'm very sorry."

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 12 Speaking of apologies, today brought a good one from Seattle's klassy kousin to the east, Bellevue, where Bellevue Community College President Jean Floten apologized for the racially offensive math question that appeared on one of her school's practice exams. According to the Seattle Times, the question in question read, "Condoleezza holds a watermelon just over the edge of the roof of the 300-foot Federal Building, and tosses it up with a velocity of 20 feet per second." Students were then instructed to formulate how long it would take Condoleezza's watermelon to hit the ground. According to President Floten, the question originally featured the name of the comedian Gallagher, whose signature shtick was to smash watermelons; when the question was later rewritten, the name was changed to Condoleezza. At an open-campus meeting today, President Floten expressed her mortification at "this act of institutional racism" and promised to redouble school efforts to improve racial and cultural sensitivity on campus. Props to President Floten, who faced up to this stinky pile o' shit with aplomb, and who shouldn't feel too bad—we get Gallagher and Condoleezza Rice mixed up all the time.

THURSDAY, APRIL 13 Nothing happened today, unless you count the grand reopening of Walt Disney World's deadliest attraction. Less than 24 hours after the death of a German tourist, who died of cranial bleeding following a ride on the space-flight simulator Mission: Space, today the $100-million Epcot Center attraction was back up and running, complete with the worst safety record of any Disney attraction. Described by brochures as the "most thrilling attraction in Disney history," Mission: Space simulates a rocket blastoff and landing and spins riders in a centrifuge that subjects them to twice the normal force of gravity. As the Orlando Sentinel reports, the ride is also conspicuously dangerous: In addition to yesterday's German tourist, Mission: Space is connected to the death of another rider, a 4-year-old boy who died after taking the ride in June. Add the more than 140 other riders who sought post–Mission: Space medical attention since the ride's 2003 premiere, and you've got a Disney attraction that's almost as dangerous as the drugs it's supposed to be keeping kids away from.

FRIDAY, APRIL 14 Speaking of drugs from which kids should be kept away: Today Catholicism put on a show, care of the Good Friday meditations delivered by Pope Benedict XVI. "Lord, we have lost our sense of sin," saideth the pope. "Today a slick campaign of propaganda is spreading an inane apologia of evil, a senseless cult of Satan, a mindless desire for transgression, a dishonest and frivolous freedom, exalting impulsiveness, immorality, and selfishness as if they were new heights of sophistication." For what it's worth, a similar sentiment was put forth this week by Pink, during her delightful "Stupid Girls" media blitz. When Pink and the pope are in harmony, you gotta recognize.

SATURDAY, APRIL 15 Nothing happened today, unless you count the deadly floods in northern Brazil, with torrential rains killing eight people and leaving another 116,000 homeless.

SUNDAY, APRIL 16 The week ends with Easter, the Christian holiday commemorating the alleged resurrection of Jesus Christ, celebrated with a variety of hams and candies. But for Last Days, Easter brought only a pathos-drenched Hot Tip. "I was walking home from the Broadway QFC and saw a woman sitting on the bus stop bench in front of Pho Cyclo," reports Hot Tipper Eli. "She was wearing jeans and a jacket, and was shouting at an invisible friend seated next to her. 'Today is Easter! Do you think you could find somebody else to rape today? Do you think you could find somebody ELSE? To RAPE!?' Happy Easter!"

Dear everyone: It's that time again. On Wed April 26, I'll be hosting a one-night-only screening of Showgirls, Paul Verhoeven's peerless masterwork of crap, featuring live annotation by yours truly. It's at the Triple Door, 216 Union St, doors at 6 pm, show at 7:30 pm, $15. For reservations, call 838-4333. (And send Hot Tips to