Thanks for dumping me on my birthday, you Christian asshole. You asked me out more than once; told me how beautiful I was; made me a nice dinner; bought me flowers; and were very affectionate and attentive. You fucked me on the first date and repeatedly the next several days. I was actually enjoying my time with your right-wing fundamentalist ass. There were warning signs: country and Christian music, Jack Johnson, the Fox News channel, your disdain for Indian food. Your biggest flaw was your ignorance of Holly Golightly. I hope you stay in Kirkland for the rest of your life where fake people like you belong. Do continue to flatter women, it worked on me—you had my panties off in minutes. Do they teach that in Bible study? You acted more like a whore than an obedient Christian. You threw the Bible in my face on my birthday, and while tearily telling me that you could fall deeply in love with me, you dumped me. That really made my day.

—Anonymous