Brad Pitt is inspirational for many reasons. That noble brow. That titillating body-fat ratio. His obsequious nether bulgings. His "scorched earth" Jennifer Aniston policy. The spiky-haired orphan herds of former future sweatshop workers that toddle behind him as if he were a giant sugar teat or something. Etc. But Brad Pitt is inspirational for more than even all that. He's also the very best darn pal The Gays have ever, ever had. Observe:
"Angie and I will consider tying the knot when everyone else in the country who wants to be married is legally able."
Remarkable. This amazingly pro-gay quote is plucked directly from Brad's interview in the most recent issue of Esquire, which nobody reads. Nevertheless, his remarks indeed shocked the many who never read them by expressing such powerful support of gay marriage. But mostly they were shocked by his daring to refer to the Angelina Jolie as "Angie." Experts expect him to be knifed in his sleep momentarily.
But by WHO? WHOM? Whatever.
Now, please consider the following report, which took place at Redwood, and includes David Cross, a lovely dress, and an alleged "posse":
"I glanced at a person coming in the door. I looked up at his face and thought, 'That's a really nice white linen dress that David Cross is wearing!' He proceeded to the bar and stripped off the dress—down to his boxers—with the help of his posse, which included the bald dude with the big gap in his teeth from VH1's Best Week Ever. In about an hour the capacity of the bar tripled. David finally put on a pair of cargo pants and a white shirt and left the bar with his posse."
Please note: When one is confronted with David Cross in a white dress, it is important to remember that Pete Wentz has a gorgeous penis (refer to Celebrity I Saw U, June 1, 2006). No one is sure precisely why this is true, but Pete Wentz has a gorgeous penis anyway. It's so gorgeous, in fact, that world-famous penis connoisseur Ashlee Simpson has been inclined to avail herself of Pete Wentz's gorgeous penis in perpetuity, and she has rudely dumped whomever the fuck she was dating first in order to facilitate that aforesaid availing. Pete Wentz, on the other hand, dumped Michelle Trachtenberg, who is that little twit who played Buffy's "sister" Dawn in the later episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Various celebritologists postulate that being forevermore deprived of Pete Wentz's gorgeous penis is no less than what Michelle Trachtenberg deserves for crapping-up one of my all-time favorite shows, but the point remains that if you're ever confronted with David Cross in a white dress, just remember: Pete Wentz has a gorgeous, gorgeous penis!