This is so true.

I think this should be made one of the "rules" of polyamory: that rules and contracts are all to be considered as training wheels.

I am an avid listener of the Savage Lovecast and I am often finding that Dan is insisting on how important it is to make sure that one's partner feels secure whenever we want to go the "monogamish" way, and that sometimes arbitrary rules have to be made and abided by, like forever - as if the partner's emotional insecurities, however irrational, should never have to be shaken. I am all OK for baby steps, but they have to remain steps, and not become baby stance.

While at the same time, he has almost absolutely no pity for the emotional insecurities and irrational bullshit of the people one might come out to as gay / bi / kinky. In that situation, the onus is on those people to come to terms with their irrationality and fears.

As if the cultural expectation of monogamy had more weight and respectability than the cultural expectation of heterosexuality.

Audren (blogging in French about infidelity / open relationships / polyamory over at http://lesfessesdelacremiere.wordpress.c…)