Columns Dec 18, 2008 at 4:00 am

It's My Fault Your Cats Are Traumatized


Lack of compassion towards animals (who didn't choose to be domesticated in the first place).. a bad sign.
Lack of compassion towards animals... a bad sign.

... and it's not like cats chose to become domesticated.
I wonder how fun it will be to live there when everyone comes down with rabies? Hope everyone's shots are up to date!!

What fun!
this one was lame!

even worse than the stupid fart one from last week.

get real people!
oh you stupid motherfucker. You got wasted? and left the fucking door open? WHO IS THE ANNOYING BITCH? you. I'm glad the cat didn't get killed. I wonder how well you'd do against a gorilla, just to scale things up a bit.
Why are we bitching about cats and farts when rich bankers are stealing billions from us. We should be talking revolution! Madoff stole 50 billion and his fine could be 5 million??? How about fines of 100% of assets for anyone connected with these robbers and a lifetime sentence with Bubba; rape your ass right back at you mo fos.
Not sure why anyone would want to flaunt their alcoholism and what's basically sociopathic behavior.

When I say sociopathic behavior, I mean blatant, malicious neglect for vulnerable creatures and a tendency to assign blame on others while accepting none. What a great way to be part of the reason the world is going to hell. Nice job.

It seems like it's in vogue these days to be an asshole and I wonder why that's so.

While I care about the cats, I agree w/ zowie's statement about the financial crisis: "We should be talking revolution!" What do we do then? Seems like the bad guys have already won (like it's really that simple). So what now? I'm at a loss.
There is no excuse to mistreat an animal. So maybe your roommate is an annoying bitch. But how the fuck do you think that justifies treating her animals like shit? And criticizing a *cat's* personality? WTF is wrong with you?
I love animals as much as, if not more than, the next person...but you people are retarded. "Sociopathic?" You don't know the meaning of the word. This isn't some budding Dahmer torturing animals in his garage. He accidentally left the door open one night, he didn't abuse or mistreat the cats (but let's fire up the torches and grab the pitchforks so we can go after that evil evil raccoon). What a bunch of weirdos.
The writer needs to get over themselves; it isn't the cats' fault he/she doesn't like their owner. They don't deserve to be attacked and scared while they're under his/her care to begin with.
I hope no one else ever asks this person to take care of their pets, it's obvious the second someone crosses them the animals are the ones who suffer. Asshole.
i only wished the racoon took a hot cat food dump on your wasted face. you cat hating clown.
Guessing none of y'all have ever had to take care of a psychotic cat. It can test your sanity.

If you've got crazy fucking pets, you shouldn't subject a roommate to that trouble and expect everything to go smoothly. He got drunk and left the door open. A relatively minor faux pas in the book of roommate fuckups. It's not like he went around beating this shit out of these cats.
Cats suck.
What a pussy.
All of the humans in this little saga need to be put down. Then the cats need to be cuddled and fed kitty treats, as they'll no doubt be in a celebrating mood once they find out the goober humans in their life are dead. Oh, and the raccoon gets a pass.
The more I find out about people, the more I like animals. That being said, some folks apparently prefer to live in the bubble of their own reality -"poor liddle kitties" while the world outside is burning down at a rapid pace. Go Mass Consumerism, you make us so happy!
Let's keep things in perspective here, folks. They're only cats we're talking about, fer cryin' out loud. Now, if they were dogs...
waa waa kittens shmittens
Im with Zowie! Lets start and construct a revolution in the comments of the I, anonymous section in The Stranger online. Can I be the leader?
boo hoo boo boo kitty. as a member of peta (people eating tasty animals) im offended that all th animals in question were not cooked and eaten. lol anyway you animal lovers realllllly need to get a life they arent his pets therefore not his problem if she really wanted the darn things took care of she shouldaa had them boaded at a professional kennel then she wouldnt of had a problem, as for him Jager?
This clearly wasn't intentional animal cruelty, you soppy numbskulls, they're just indulging in some retrospective Schadenfreude - a normal, healthy, noble tendency.

Besides: red-blooded, fanny-fucking real men know that girls with cats can be really tedious, passive-aggressive sourpusses (pun intended). In the Summer I had a fling with a girl who I'd wondered might be a potential girlfriend, but she had a mangy cat on which she doted hopelessly. It was when she said "but cats are nicer than people" that I could see only the addition of further cats, and probably a lifelong passion for the arts. Elbowed with extreme prejudice.
Who cares if you like cats or not? The person agreed to take responsibility, screwed up, lied about it, and then defends his actions by whining about the other person. Whether you think cats are friends or food, the guy's a loser.
The comments on this are way more entertaining than the rant, I agree that it totally sucks a rat's rotten asshole.

The writer is a sick son of a bitch simply for worrying about covering up for him/herself and not thinking about the lovely fun that raccoon wounds could lead to for the poor cats.

And you people talking about "revoltion!" WTF??? If you're so concerned about world economic affairs then what the fuck are you doing reading I Anon. in the first place?? Idiots.
I was born and raised in Seattle. Now, I live in LA. The hating quotient here in LA is, by my accounting, appx 70% less as compared to the hating and judging displayed by current Seattle residents. Hate on, haters. TTYN
How does this person go from neglecting two cats to blaming it all on some woman who may or may not be high strung?
the crazy bitch roommate should have boarded her animals, and not left them for you - a crazy bitch as well - to look after.

why didn't you rant about her instead of her animals? why bring them into this at all?

hint: it's because you're a sociopath.
Why didn't you just say that a raccoon got into the house? You don't have to cop to have passed out with the door open.

It seems that it would be a lot simpler on every level, to say the least, and obvious things you're not thinking of, like rabies, could be addressed.
someone who brags, without remorse, about mistreating animals is a serious asshole. no other issue or circumstance in this post matters more than that.

would the Stranger have printed an I Anonymous that bragged about abusing children, and a total lack of remorse for it? Doubtful. I don't think this rant was appropriate for I Anonymous.
Lack of compassion towards animals .... a good sign. Did you consider running a load of laundry while that pathetic kitty was jammed behind the washer? No? Pity.
...Anon, you are a nasty person.
If you really dislike this person that much, why the fuck did you agree to watch their pets in the first place. Just tell them no and save everyone the trouble.
Goddamn. That story is worse than the one about my "friend" (more like a guy I knew) that rubbed one out in the milk carton in order to teach his roommates the lesson of "don't drink my milk".

remember anonymus bullshit read on the internettes is SERIOUS BUSINESS!
The comments are far more entertaining than the post.
Anyone who gets off on abusing animals is less than human
I'm a red-blooded, straight American man. I work with my hands. I'm big, and don't need to work on my body in the gym. I despise PETA and people who anthropomorphize animals. I hunt, fish, and am good at throwing knives. I also have an indoor cat, and if anyone I trusted with the care of him acted the way you did, well, the battery charge would've been worth it.

Yes, I'd like to beat the shit out of this poster, and all the others on this board who think it's somehow ok to mistreat animals, just because their owners might be jerks. Asshole, YOU fucking AGREED to take care of those animals. If you didn't want to, or if somehow taking care of a cat was too much for your puny fucking brain, you should have said fucking no. And these other posters: if I'm a faggot for loving and appreciating animals (domesticated and wild) then I'm a faggot who has a working heart and brain... and wouldn't have a problem throwing any of you a beating.
"Abused animals"? Sweet Zombie Jesus, you people need to settle down already. The dude left the BACK DOOR OPEN...ON ACCIDENT. I realize all you yo-yos are malimprinted and like to think your pets are your children, but try to have at least a little perspective. You all realize that you strongly resemble fundie creationist xians when you act like that, right?
I didn't get the sentiment that the author was blaming the owner for the cat/racoon fiasco. What I read was that the guy didn't feel sorry about it because he hates those damn cats and their "annoying, high-strung, chatty, needy" owner.
I've had roommates like this. Totally into their animals and NOTHING else, hardly ever sociable with anyone, litter boxes a-kimbo smelling of two-week-old kitty-Roca. Misanthropic/antisocial tendencies in spades.
I say fuck the damn cats. Raccon got 'em? GOOD! Proves Darwin right. If 2 cats can't defend their territory against an invading critter than they deserve their fate and worse.
I chalk this up to a big-ass "Whoops" for the drunken author leaving the door open, a lack of due diligence on the part of the felines to defend what is theirs and a definitive need to ban the owner from ever having more pets until she presumeably gets better judgement of potential pet-sitters. There's plenty of guilt to go around here...
To paranoid android: House cats are not a product of natural selection so much as early human genetic engineering. With the exception of large dogs and/or dogs bred for hunting, no domestic animal would likely hold its own against a wild animal, or if it did, it would be an anomaly.

To the cat haters: Wow, way to take a stand. Aren't there better things to hate? (Say like the Reagan administration for obliterating regulation over the financial industry back in the eighties, setting the stage for the crisis we're in now, but it's not like you knew that or anything, and I'm digressing.)

Hey PokeItWithaStick: Calling behavior sociopathic is not the same as calling someone a sociopath, or "a budding Dahmer" to use your phrase. (By the way, criteria for Sociopathic Personality Disorder include lack of remorse.) Nor is someone who engages in sociopathic behavior necessarily "a budding Dahmer," to use your phrase again. Just like calling a post moronic--say yours for example--is not the same thing as calling someone a moron, although in your case I'm willing to admit I could be wrong.

You also say "weirdos" like it's a bad thing. I, for one, am proud to be a weirdo, especially if the criteria include calling out really bad behavior. Although even they didn't, I would still be a weirdo.
you're a fucking idiot.
But what of the racoon's needs?
Well this certainly pushed a bunch of buttons, which I suspect was the purpose.

Do you really believe that this was a real letter?
Wow, this person's a real jerk. Her hostility is obviously covering her guilty feelings at being so irresponsible as to LEAVE THE DOOR OPEN. And then lying baout it. What adult can't manage to shut a door?
Hans: Your would-be girlfriend dodged a bullet. Maybe what she really meant was: Cats are nicer than YOU.
You had to erase all the evidence. Sounds like it was all your fault. You should live alone. Then you'd just have to worry about yourself. Hell, you probably can't even take care of yourself.
If I was forced to confess to less than ideal performance regarding caring for somebody else's cat(s), my confession would include words like 'teriyaki' and 'glove lining' or 'steering wheel cover' but it's a moot point since I'm incapable of performing at less than ideal levels.
Guess what? While you're debating higher morals among cheap drinks at the Cha Cha, animals kill each other. Wow. That is just, so...WOW. How dare they.

Actually, cats did choose to become domesticated:
Poor kitties!See what happens when you cant put down the chode pipe long enough to take care of your reponsibilities.I advise the chatty girl and the looney tune cat sitter to both take a nap.
Dear Zowie, Reader Comment #7. More facts emerge everyday that the banking bailout was a scam for the rich bankers.

Dan Savage and other readings take my mind off the ape shit world of apathetic americans enough to keep me sane.

i anonymous would not publish my cheeky political satire even if I were Dave Eggers. It would have to be one of those themes like "I hate my roomate" or something like that.... written from the standpoint of the White House servants.
I had an annoying roommate with three even more annoying cats. When she went out of town I fed the cats laxatives and locked them in her room.
Oh, good, another prick I want out of my city.

Go home, asshole.
How about the next time you pass out drunk with the door open, I send a few drunk, homeless sex offenders in? Would you like that? I sure would. Or maybe send in a proportionally-equivalent wild animal into your room? So the raccoon was probably 6x the combined weight of the cats, and you sound like a whiny, anorexic bitch weighing about a hundred pounds, so maybe a puma would be an equivalent match-up. Care to predict your medical condition afterwards? I'm sure the cat with the scratch will fare much, much better. PETA- pumas eating total assholes.
How nice. Someone who thinks being unkind to creatures is a way to pay back an undesirable person. May you fall in the ice and get a good firm thump in the head - maybe it will dislodge the POS in your brain.
you pathetic humorless seattle douchebags. fuck those stupid cats. you act like the guy molested a kid. get over yourselves. 'oh we're so laid-back and liberal and love gays and free sex and pot'. what a bunch of bullshit! you're uptight, rigid, PC-humping caucasian thought-police infuriated by anyone who doesn't subscribe to the snarky bullshit you call a 'culture.' i was born in seattle and thank god i got out. it used to be just a redneck armpit on the torso of america; now it's a hipster-soaked shithole and STILL full of rednecks, albeit ones wearing black clothes or flannel and sipping lattes. strap yourselves to a hydroplane, pop open a rainier, crank up the van halen and FUCK OFF you sanctimonious assholes!

I work at a no-kill animal shelter. I've had to go to the local "pound" to rescue animals more than once. I've seen barrels and barrels of dead kittens, cats, dogs and puppies being dumped into big dump trucks at said facilities. Perfect little animals that could have been adopted, but weren't, thanks to our awesome society.
The "tech" sticks a syringe full of Euthosal directly into their heart, hard, to penetrate the breast plate. Euthosal is a thick pink substance. It doesn't kill them instantly, takes 4 or 5 minutes. They are placed in a cold black plastic bag while they die. No one is there to comfort them or let them know thay they are loved. I hate people, I love animals.
Those cats are lucky to have a home. At least they aren't dying in a shelter somewhere, but I would never let a person into my home that mistreated my animals.
Are all the ex-roomates in this town fucking nuts? Everyone has a made up story like this.
I love my cat. And I accidentally leave my door open now and then. I don't want any raccoons to hurt or kill him. But he goes outside, because he nags and whines and cries and bites me until I faring let him the hell out. So I do. I try my best to keep him from going out at night.

But come on, calm down, shit happens, the kitties are okay, and now they know to run the fark away from large mammals if they see them.
Maybe the reason your ex-roommate couldn't relax is that your ex-roommate was living with a raging alcoholic who has no compassion for animals. If you can't even do a simple thing like keep the door closed, maybe you shouldn't drink that much. DUH!
Eh, it happens...
.... to be honest, cats love domestication, to a certain extent :) all the free food, the pats, the warmth, the know a cat knows when its got a good thing going. And they can be annoying, when im high on acid, they're over me like a rash....but yeah cats, like people, like frogs, like birds, some you like, others, eh...someone for everyone right? As for anonymous, accidents happen, cant love everyone...can feel sorry sometimes though, funny that ...
po' ridder gatos!
Thanks. This was fuckin' hilarious. Here's to all of the suckers that have had to babysit shitty pets for their roommates!
shut the fuck up.
i totally sympathize with this person.
fuck cats, fuck annoying roomies.
i'd probably do the same thing.
not maliciously, not on purpose, but because i was wasted and forgot to close the door.

give him/her a break.
Hucker, "had to" babysit? No one has to babysit a pet. There's this little word called "no" - when you're unwilling or unable to do something you use it. If you choose not to, you shouldn't complain.

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