You are not allergic to fluorescent lights. The compact fluorescents at my house did not make you exhausted for a week. I know your friend the self-taught nutri-tionist said so, but that's bullshit. As in, not true.

You're also not exhausted from grapefruit, sunlight, the breeze, or the electric fields from all those nasty power lines. All the magnets, royal jelly, and vitamin pills in the world won't cure your exhaustion. I'll give you a hint: You might want to rethink your habit of sleeping till noon, porking a pint of ice cream for "breakfast," and then lolling on the couch all day. Your complete lack of physical movement is why your back hurts, too.

You do not need more rest. You need to get your wide butt off that couch. Have you noticed how you can't walk around the block anymore? Do you even care? Well, you might want to think it over. Because I won't be your personal slave after you pig yourself into a wheelchair. Have a nice dotage.