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1101 East Pike St. Suite 300, Seattle, WA 98122
1101 East Pike St. Suite 300, Seattle, WA 98122
There are more compassionate people than Dan out there, although you might not know it listening to him.
I lol'd at the "I eat my lunch", are ED's really that common with subs? [preemptive: No ED's are not funny but wtf does "I eat my lunch" mean?]
"but when she suggested it might be fun to add "more sauce" to the mix—bring another man into our play, and this other man's ejaculate—I dumped her."
I'll let you in on a little secret. You can say "NO," to a sex act that you aren't interested in without dumping the person proposing the sex act. Yes, even as a submissive, this is not a situation where you either have to say yes or jump ship. Cripes. It's like going to a burger joint, being offered ketchup with your fries, and refusing to ever go back because you hate ketchup.
Refuse the sauce if you don't want it. You aren't ever going to find a woman with any sexual self-esteem if you can't bear her even SUGGESTING a sex act you aren't in to.
The submissive guy is totally in the right... enjoying domination energy is not even related to wanting a 3-way, or cuckolding (although the latter may need the former, it doesn't mean the converse is true)! There's monogamous dominant women out there. And also monogamous women who may have other kinks, or may want to take turns on the power thing.... no one even wondered if he'd be up for fulfilling a monogamous kink, for fucks sake.
And for SOS... she did NOT say "if you cheat that would be the end of it". She said "I would Never want to know". So drunk #3 had it. Be VERY respectful and considerate.
Great stuff
" You Suck The End."
I therefore advise anyone straight who's thinking of getting married to have a mandatory PRENUPTIAL agreement. They can be quite detailed and should spell out sexual expectations, fair notice of kinks and fetishes, monogomy waivers, ect.... Make them take the marriage seriously by truely revealing yourself bare to your partner. No confusion in the future... if things change then there is a clear violations of contract.
That's how you defend the sanctity of marriage against the straight people out to destroy the instituion of families for thousands of years.
...best. thing. ever.
This column bordered on cruel--and it is not okay to bash Mormans, call them names, etc, any more than it is appropriate to do that to any race or religion or gender, etc.
I've loved your column for years. There was no compassion in this one. Shame on you. Really.
How it should work is that each person discusses their needs, expectations and limits before starting the scene/sex, and within those limits the dom(me) can ask the sub do what they want. That's assuming the sub really is a sub, and isn't just a bottom or a subby switch of course..
A Dom(me) that introduces things without consent or discussion is an arsehole. It's their responsibility to look after the sub, as they hold all the power.
None of the commenters above knows if the guy discussed this with his partner or not before dumping her - that's a very large assumption.
It's not acceptable to expect your partners to want additional people involved, even if they're bi. Not all bi people are poly or always into threesomes, and I'm fucking annoyed about the assumption that we are.
I also can't understand the drunken assumption that the guy is being selfish. He's performing cunnilingus for an hour and letting her orgasm multiple times before having his needs seen to. How the hell is that selfish? Strikes me he'd be in demand with a lot of mildly dominant women..
I *am* one of those "fat women". And you know what? We can tell the people who think that S&M stands for Stand and Model. And the people who show up looking to meet hot chicks who'll do what they want, rather than trying to meet like-minded people and form meaningful relationships with them.
And I'm sorry, dude, but it's a supply/demand issue. There are a lot more male subs than female dominants. I'm not saying that means you have to settle, but maybe consider what is actually important to you in a relationship and stop judging books by their covers.
Never, ever base a judgement on the technical definition of a woman's words. It MAY be a door to talking about it again, but hell, I know a lot of women would just say that to be nice. She could really mean: "Don't fucking do it; I'm saying 'maybe' so I don't have to hear me being soul-crushingly harsh."
And does this guy really want a relationship where his girlfriend loathes a part of his life so much she never wants to know about it?
I'd also be interested in a version where you reply with your own answer.
"when she suggested it might be fun to add "more sauce" to the mix... I dumped her."
Not, "when she suggested... I made it clear that that was something I was not interested in. We couldn't reach an agreement because she saw what she wanted as a natural progression from what we'd been doing so far and I didn't so, I felt left with no choice but to dump her."
Not, "when she suggested... I told her that while I love her for indulging my kinks, and am generally happy to do the same for her, I have a hard limit at bringing in other men/other men's cum."
Not any number of the ways the English language could have conveyed that conversation or meaningful discussion took place, but, "when she suggested... I dumped her."
To say nothing of how messed up his thought process is, going from "I need someone monogamous but kinky" to "BDSM groups are too expensive and the women there are unattractive" to "I can afford my own lunch" which seems to go back on the it's too expensive thing, to "I would marry a woman where things worked" when he can't get a relationship to work he's already all on this marriage thing...
So I really don't see a problem with assuming that the guy is selfish either. Where else does "I don't want to pay, I buy my lunch" and the dumping w/o talking come from?
CISL, nobody ever got sex from talking (well, not from telling the truth at least) and in heterosexual marriage the sex decreases over time. And tasting the milk doesn't tell you how well it will age. Count your blessings, you are better off without this woman for a wife.
Jesus! Why is this being wasted on you?
If being cuckolded is a hard limit for him, then he is right to stick by his guns. Maybe he should just have more explicit negotiations with his prospective partners.
When has Savage ever claimed to be professional? :p
BTW it was the buying the cow comment
Instead it sounds to me as if what you want is a loving monogamous relationship where the sex is a little bit kinky - and let's face it hour long cunnilingus sessions and a bit of tease and denial are hardly whips, chains, inverted crosses and gimp masks - so I really do mean a little bit kinky.
A lot of women who don't think of themselves as dominant would be up for that on a fairly regular basis, although some of them would enjoy other things from time to time too.
Maybe it would help if you stopped labelling yourself as submissive and your girlfriends as dominant and just thought of yourself as someone who likes to be bossed about in bed a bit.
You just don't sound that kinky to me and I think you're creating your own problem by trying to live up to an image that is not from yourself. You don't have to "come out" as a sub to like having a girl sit on your face. You don't have to be a slave to like having a girl say "not yet" when you're about to come. Fact is, most guys like a bit of that and so do most girls.
Just don't expect it every time, instead ask her about her needs and try to fulfil those too, and you'll find that there are loads of slim, pretty, fit women under 35 who'll want to do stuff with you.
If I wanted to get sex advice from drunks (other than you) then I'd go to the bar and talk to them about it instead of writing to you.
And btw, no, none of the questions were mine.
As for the rest of the offended asshats you do realize that a bar on capitol hill is not a bastion of testosterone ridden men. In fact one could make the case that these people who have alternate sexual lifestyles or preferences may provide sound advice without the patience to put up with a bunch of bitching from those who ask for it. but but but but. giv eme a fucking break. Yeah murder isn't funny, but this guy probably doesn't give a shit what his wife thinks at this point. Therefore one could say he is killing his relationship, burying his moronic mormon past and embracing his sexuality.
/whine whine whine
Not cool.
And that is why it is used in the Pythons' Lumberjack Song to illustrate how manly a man the 'jack is supposed to be....
Yes the door is open, no you shouldn't put her on notice. She's not saying she doesn't want to know exactly what you did with whom on what surface in what costume. She saying she doesn't want to have any idea you are even thinking about slipping out that door for some kink.
Oh, and the sub guy - extreme much? Why not just tell her no, you're not interested in that? Why does it have to be my way or the highway? Ever hear of negotiation and compromise?
Barbara Mikulski? Is that you?
Capitol:the building in Washington, D.C., used by the Congress of the U.S. for its sessions.
possibly my favourite thing ever written on savagelove. EVER.
just keep eating your lunch and hopefully you get something new in that special lunch bag.....cause it looks like you'll be eating "lunch" by yourself
1. I believe St. Peter actually said "opinions are like assholes - everyone has one and they usually stink."
and
2. It was kinda irresponsible to post that last piece of Slog advice without a BIIIIIIGGGG fucking notice to all the idiots out there in cyberspace that the "murder" comment was merely intended to be humorous. Rather, you opted to add a half-assed "murder-is-wrong-mmm'kay" bit into an area of the column that most people stop reading once they see the words "thanks to."
1. I believe St. Peter actually said "opinions are like assholes - everyone has one and they usually stink."
and
2. It was kinda irresponsible to post that last piece of Slog advice without a BIIIIIIGGGG fucking notice to all the idiots out there in cyberspace that the "murder" comment was merely intended to be humorous. Rather, you opted to add a half-assed "murder-is-wrong-mmm'kay" bit into an area of the column that most people stop reading once they see the words "thanks to."