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800 Maynard Ave S, Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98134
800 Maynard Ave S, Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98134
Morphine haze? The ultimate hangover from beyond the universe? What?
We don't tell you because it's too damn funny to let you walk around like that.
I think you would have to carry a purse to understand how this could happen:
sunglasses on the bottom of purse + chewed up gum you put back into the wrapper and tucked back into purse because there was no waste bin around (note: did not spit gum on the sidewalk like a jerk) and then forgot to throw it out later = gum stuck to glasses & rude ass people calling you a coke head
Thank you for entertaining us. While riding the bus, I heard the bus driver remark about "that weirdo with a huge wad of gum on her sunglasses" and a fellow passenger snort back, "yeah, looked like a crazy cat lady or something."
My barista guffawed as he poured me a drink later that morning (coffee and soy, no frills) and slapped his knee as he mimed this haughty gal stromping into the place with some extra sugarfree stuck to her oakleys. "Did she notice? Is she stupid?" he laughed.
I do hope you enjoy knowing that you gave us all a big chuckle that day and certainly hope you'll follow through with some equally outlandish stunt.
Maybe a used nicotine patch on the back of your shirt?
Love,
Seattle
I'm no Sherlock Holmes but I would probably rule out you suggestion of Morphine Haze to a more common I Need Some Freaking Coffee Now Haze.
I've seen people with worse (one student wearing old rubber-duck-print Pajama Bottoms with the ass ripped out comes to mind), and assume they are just Cornish students doing a final.
No seriously, have seen some of the Cornish Kids' stuff?
I've read about a lot of self centered morons in this column, but this one sets a new low.
You look like a fool for double posting. Quit it.
And @13 hit the fucking nail on the head ... no one else is giving two shits about you anyway, they are way too self absorbed.
And why are you still wearing those sunglasses once inside your office anyway? Sounds like a hangover to me ... maybe you should think twice about getting so fucked up on a "school night" that you walk around the next day with gum stuck on your glasses.
Maybe no one said anything because they were probably thinking, "Who's this bitch wearing her sunglasses on the bus/in the coffee shop? And WTF is that stuck to them? Gum? What is that? Should I tell her? Oh well, she's gone. Whatever."
How the hell do you get gum on your glasses, really? The purse explanation above is not cutting it.
When I asked why (beyond the obvious humor of "how long will it take?") it turned out that they thought it was actually lipstick I got from a hot lezbo make out session from just before work. I liked that better and went with it.
All of the comments calling you ridiculous for not being able to SEE YOUR OWN FACE are just closed-off douchebags justifying. People should be getting others' backs, not being fucking assholes.
Unfortunately, the only solution is to move, because these people are hopelessly tied to the idea that doing it yourself is the only way to do it.
Even trolls know about mirrors.
And, girl, you're probably better off not having someone from Seattle tell you you've got something wrong going on. I was doing the wrong pose during yoga the other day, and someone behind me pointed it out, then spent the next 10 minutes apologizing for possibly having offended me.
I would have told I-Anon.
As somebody who's generally pretty preoccupied w/ my job or what I'm reading or whatever, I could see myself doing this, although I don't chew gum so that wouldn't be the problem. The average person's life is pretty complicated so it's easy to live in your head and miss somethhing, despite your best efforts.
The phenomenon I-Anon describes is pretty typical in my experience. Somebody could get shot or their pants could fall down or whatever, while getting on a bus and most Seattle bus riders wouldn't flinch for fear of actually expressing themselves. I do have a story about an exception, though. My skirt zipper was down (it was full, flowy kind of skirt so it was easy not to notice) and a woman across the aisle passed me a note to let me know. I really appreciated it.
As for all the nasty responses posted, they're akin to chimps in zoos throwing their own feces.
Seattle: grow a pair. I've been here 13 years and still am amazed at what a navel gazing city you are.
Again, Seattle people won't say shit, even if they have a mouthful.
If you've never noticed, try breaking w/ the unspoken code, however innocuously, and watch what happens. Once, on a rainy day, I slid down the bus aisle and landed hands first in this guy's lap. The guy was gracious and laughed. Nobody else made a peep. While it was nice not to be publicly ridiculed, and it wasn't like I needed help or anything, it felt pretty chilly. You might also try actually speaking to someone who's lolly-gagging at Whole Foods, right in the middle of a walk way. A politely stated: "Excuse, I need to get by," if the person actually hears you and responds, is often met by the wince-smile--meaning the person's smiling w/ their mouth but not w/ their eyes--minus spoken language. I'm not sure how to interpret this reaction, but the vibe I get is: How dare you disturb my private reverie. I'm going to be the bigger person about it by not sinking to your level and actually speaking. Yeah, it's great to be left alone. I prefer it most of the time. But sharing the world with other people requires communication.
But then again, that was "back-in-the-days."
Plus, like someone else said, it's very plausible that most people saw the neon green gum on her sunglasses and assumed that she must have known about it, and that it was some attempt at a hipster fashion statement. I know that's what I would have assumed. And who wants to get sucked into a conversation about how wads of gum are the new lip piercing?
I'm a native of Seattle, and while I now live north of the Rainy City, I couldn't agree more.
Well said!
It would have been one thing if she had just left it at "Seattle, you are all assholes for not helping a girl out" yeah, I can get behind that, I hate the Seattle silence, but to outright be like "Hey, it's YOUR fault I talked to my boss with gum on my face"
Um, excuse me bitch, no it's not.
And, chances are even more likely that people didn't want to point it out because the people of Seattle are PAINFULLY shy (when by themselves, when in packs of friends they are bold twats) AND they are easily embarrassed. Pointing out the gum would have called attention to themselves.
All I'm saying is, yeah, that sucks, but grow up and learn to take responsibility for yourself. It is no one else's FAULT that it happened. It is YOUR FAULT that it happened and people were just assholes for snickering at your expense instead of saying something.
But I do also agree @13 the I-anon person was too sensitive, gum on the glasses isn't really something to cry about.
First, you ride the bus. You may be cheap or green, but you could also be too dysfunctional to drive. That gum's not worth getting shanked over.
Second, Seattle is one of the few places in the U.S. where people give you a modicum of respect but otherwise leave you the hell alone. I once saw a man walking another gent, who was wearing only underwear and a dog collar, through Volunteer Park. I didn't say, "excuse me, sir, but somebody swapped your pooch with a middle-aged sub". I gave them a nod and went on my merry way, as did everyone else. That's how we roll.
Nobody should even bother trying to talk sense into this girl - like how MAYBE the passengers on one bus aren't necessarily representative of everyone int he entire city. Let's just agree that we're all gum-ignoring assholes and hope to christ she moves somewhere else ASAP.
You then freak out and feel the need to post something here. A regular person would have laughed it off. Get over yourself. You are interesting for the wrong reasons.
To everyone ranting on the "it's not MY job to watch out for you...", it's not exactly hard to say, "hey, you've got something on your glasses". Zero effort. If it's intentional, I'm sure you'll just get an, "I know". What're you so afraid of? Being helpful, or acknowleding that another person is a human being? It's really not scary...
And wasn't it?
Seriously.
It's like I was a lonely, wilting flower in the desert, and then the rain came ... in the form of a homeless lady vomitting her liquid lunch all over the back of the bus.
Otherwise, I call BS as well. This is simply TOO stupid to be real. Right?
That's not the point. l think at least a few of these people would have informed her were they to encounter this situation, including myself. But after the fact, when she's throwing words/phrases like "asshole", "l blame you", "you let me", "you made me feel like..." around (and getting pissed at some dude on the bus because he wasn't flirting with her, as she assumed? Seriously?), l'm guessing that had someone pointed it out, she still would have written a bitchy I,A to whomever else failed to inform her up until that moment.
l'll tell someone they have a honkin piece of spinach between their teeth, a ball of wax adorning their earlobe, or a pecker poking out of their shorts (the latter two of which happen more than l care to discuss). I enjoy saving someone from humiliation, and hope that others return the favor, but this kind of entitlement sort of hurts my dedication to the cause. lt just doesn't elicit sympathy. Rather, it inspires a rather snide giggle of which l'm not proud, but is a natural defensive response to being blamed as part of the whole (Seattle) for her own mistake.
lt would have been a much worthier I,A -and garnered kinder responses- had it read something along the lines of, "That was pretty funny. Thank you for reminding me that it's okay to laugh at myself when l do stupid human shit."
and then thought, either this woman is totally crackers, and I should keep her at a safe distance, or that she thought it was some sort of new fad, or fashion statement that was started by losers. When she's asleep, she 'parks it on the bedpost overnight?'
Don't be angry no one mentioned it to you...
It reminds me of the time I saw the elderly woman with what looked like lipstick on her eyebrows, and mascara on her lips. Mental illness, thank heavens, comes with warning signals. We know who to keep at a distance. You will probably have trouble winning back your street cred for a while.
Helpful hint: To prevent 'accidents' like this in the future, put a full length mirror in the hall, or make sure to have someone give you the thumbs up before you go out.