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800 Maynard Ave S, Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98134
800 Maynard Ave S, Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98134
I feel the same way about Robert Pattinson. He's fugly and I don't understand why he's getting so much attention.
Besides, if you really want to sweep a girl off her feet, exercise that tongue. A sweet, nice, attentive guy who gives awesome oral will have plenty of advertising, or none at all since everyone will want you for themselves.
She is convinced that any kind of sadomasochism or domination is linked to psychosis and deranged personalities, and always escalates to dangerous violence. Always - no exceptions. Safewords are illusions because they are always broken. Anyone who uses fuzzy handcuffs will one day wind up with a knife at their throat and, shortly thereafter, drowning in their own blood.
It's funny that both my mother and I consider ourselves feminists, but come to such different conclusions... We're seeing a family counselor over this, actually, because despite a lifetime 4.0, a summa cum laude Bachelor's degree, and a drug-free record, she's now convinced that I take unhealthy risks with my life and need intervention.
You're right about personal details, Dan. Never again...
@17 The best book I've read on how chauvanism hurts men too is Self Made Man by Nora Jones. Excellent insight on what it is to be a man in this culture and also just one hell of a good read.
There are some very interesting studies about some of the abusive shit that gets pulled in lesbian relationships, and the experiences of my circle of friends seem to confirm that (though I was luckier). Don't idealize same-sex relationships, and don't give in to the temptation to buy a line like the one you're getting from #17, who's basically saying "Yes, in fact, men ARE worse, and here are some links to give you a backrub." Bullshit.
Sexism is pernicious, sure, and I don't want my friends to be catcalled or abused or treated like meat. But a separatist lesbian utopia is a total fucking mirage: an island of dykes would find ways to be every bit as cruel and shitty to each other, just without penises. Neither men nor sexism are to blame for things that, at heart, are human nature. If you date/love/fuck human beings, most of the time, you'll end up hurt.
WTCBAI sounds like a ridiculous busybody who needs to get a life of his/her own, not be empowered with more bizarre confidence in some supposed psychic gaydar.
It's not about men vs. women. It's about people vs. authoritarianism.
To Huge Hugh:
Apparently, I also happen to carry large equipment. I didn't realize this until a female friend convinced me to measure - always just seemed 'normal-sized' to me until then.
Here's my advice: Shut up about your cock. If you try and advertise that you have a big dick, girls are just going to think you're lying. Focus on having a job, career, income, and not being a dick, and chicks will dig you. If you're really good, and it seems you're headed this direction already, you can politely break up with a few girls who are not doing it for you, and all their friends will then come calling. Just make sure you don't break up before your girlfriend has time to brag about just how well-off you really are.
But since no one else has called you on it yet, Dan, I will. You further perpetuate the mistaken image of bisexuals as those who will fuck anything with a hole when you say they'd be bitching about "everyone and everyTHING."
I'm a guy larger than average. Trust me, a girl interested in finding a large package knows how to find it. We walk around with it hanging behind our pants every day. The ones who care can tell. Have you never caught someone looking?
I don't even tell all of my friends some of the things I do with current/past boyfriends. I have a friend who is a 32 year old virgin and she would freak over some of the kinky things I like. There is such a thing as TMI. Discretion is not the same thing as lying. Keeping it to yourself not only benefits you, but it benefits your parents, friends, family, coworkers and anyone within earshot as well. Some things are only between you and your partner. As long as you are happy and healthy and your partner treats you well, it's nobody else's business if you like to get spanked, get tied up, wear furry handcuffs, watch porn, have cybersex, have a threesome, or whatever else you choose to do with other consenting adult partners. It's your body, it's your sex life and no one else gets to dictate how you have sex.
It's none of your parent's business (or anyone else's really). How would CIDMM feel if it was the other way around? What if mom "opened up" about what she likes sexually? It would be appalling, right? So then no, mom really doesn't need to hear about it, because it will only upset her. If she really has to talk about it, then talk about it over cocktails SATC style with understanding girlfriends. Or blog anonymously about it on a feminist website and get feedback. If you are going to disclose personal info, then you have to pick the right audience. Under no circumstances should you discuss it with mom, dad, grandma, or a jehovah's witness. It just won't work.
"Some men are born gifted."
"What was [so-and-so] born?"
"A tripod."
@23 Self-Made man sounds fascinating. Will have to read. Thanks for the review.
To #26, it happens because sometimes you say or do something innocently because you don't think it would matter, and it turns out it does. My mother once accused me of being into beastiality because I was reading a book called "Dr. Tatiana's Sex Advice to All Creation" (it's a book about some of the bizarre mating habits in the animal kingdom). She also thinks I'm a closet lesbian (I'm not) because we were watching the news one day and some gay rights activists came up, and I mentioned that I didn't see anything wrong with same sex marriage. After those incidents, I learned very quickly to be VERY careful of what I say around my mother.
As in: you are a terrible fuck with a large piece.
If you're a religious type, "Honoring" your parents doesn't mean putting up with their abuse. Read up on verbal/emotional abuse, realize that yes, she really is an abusive bully, and then stay the hell away. And change your phone number if she's likely to call.
When I first told my mother I was bisexual, she said, "That's fine, but if you can avoid it, don't ever date women. They're crazy."
But lest you think gay men are some paragon of virtue...a good friend of mine is still nursing the emotional wounds of a 10 year abusive relationship with his male partner. Ugh.
So in short...Dan's right. People suck. Until you find one that doesn't.
Visiting your family is living proof that hypnosis really works.
Both these families could use pay by the hour therapy. I too left the hospital with the wrong family. Ask yourself (just for the hell of it) why you chose these parents. What did you think you needed to learn from them. The answer may mitigate your misery cos hell, you're not alone.
Look, when your mother tries to delve into things that are *none of her business*, just say, "Let's talk about something else. Our relationship seems to be healthier when we stay away from that kind of topic." If she persists, just look at her in silence and give her a minute to realize she's out of line. If it doesn't stop at that point, get up and leave. You don't have a tantrum and argue with her; you don't try to explain yourself or reason with her; you just say "no" and then refuse to be engaged. At all.
The message to send is that you are not a child who is willing to be brow-beaten, castigated, or manipulated. Expect to be treated with the respect with which your mother would treat any other adult, and that includes a respect for your privacy. Put some teeth into that expectation by letting her know your relationship with her will be much more limited if she does not rise to it. And lastly, make that expectation believable by behaving maturely when you convey it.
Honestly, it just is not that hard, and it will strengthen your relationship with her in the long run. She's not going to respect you as an adult if you do not act like one. The message you're unintentionally sending her is that you need her active, hands-on protection from the evils of the world (as she perceives them) because you are still a child. Free her from that responsibility ... once she gets over the shock of it, she'll be relieved.
(Literally, as she could barely fit a finger inside of her pussy)
When I was 25, I had a FWB relationship with this hot Latina. One night, she came to my apartment and proceeded to ride me like a thoroughbred. The next day, she handed me an invite to her wedding and told me to be there at 3PM sharp. When I was 27, I moved to Europe. To this day, I still get E-mails from women who I've slept with during my time over there. And yet, somehow, I didn't catch on to the fact that I was (and still am) well-endowed until I met a woman who had sex with me, then badgered me into posting naked pictures of myself on the Internet. The response, to my everlasting surprise, was enough to make me realize that I'd been given a gift.
Bottom line, Dan's advice was spot on. Because I never would have met or enjoyed as many women (and a few of their husbands, so yeah) if I'd believed that my size was anything special. IOW, thank God for what you have and continue to be the guy that you are, because women get tired of big dicks far quicker than you'd expect, but they'll never turn down a nice guy with a nice penis.
They are different, though. As Savage put it one time: women are crazy, and men are assholes. That's exactly right.
I'm sexually attracted to both sexes equally, but I tend to prefer assholes to crazy people, so I more often date men. Who are, in fact, assholes. Total bastards. But even crazy men are less crazy than your average woman. And a woman, even while being maximally evil and generally insane, can't begin to approach the clueless, heartless jerkfaceness of your average guy.
Having given up on all of humanity, I'm hoping we discover extraterrestrial life soon, as I would enjoy having somebody to cook breakfast for.
On the Jonas Brothers: I don't think people like them as much as the MEDIA does. They're tricking us with all that coverage--do you really know anyone who cares about them? I teach high school, and even they are not as into them as, say, Taylor Swift or rap music.
Lastly, Dan, how do you know that intervening with Cousin A would be "saving a life"? I am honestly asking. Do you think it helps someone who doesn't want to change? I ask because I have a 25-year-old best friend who is obviously gay (he gave my guy friend a hickey one drunk night, in addition to many many other hints). He puts on this facade of having this non-existent long-distance GF. So I confronted him, told him I'd care about him no matter sexual preference, and that everyone knows. He didn't want to talk about it, ended up bursting into tears, leaving the room, and we haven't been the same since. So did I help Dan, or was that overstepping the boundaries???
I think you gave him a precious opportunity to save his own life. The cost of doing this was your friendship, at least for now. So you did the right thing that a true friend is supposed to do.
One day he'll figure it out, and hopefully be grateful to you and come back as a dear friend. If he doesn't, then you're well rid of him. Why would you want to have a close friend who is building his entire public life around a lie?
Though, if she's obviously *trying*, and just not quite managing it, I'd give her a little more than one chance...
Now, I'm not saying WTCBAI's IS ace, but the endless assumption that we don't exist, and if we do we're all just miserable, unfulfilled, and headed for the bathroom with a razor blade gets tiring.
In short - tell her what you told Dan.
I checked back with my father after 16 years of not speaking and sure enough he's still a total asshole. We haven't spoken in a couple of years now and I'm very happy about that. Also, the family that I started while out of contact has now met him and completely understands and agrees with my decision.
I had a great time out with a guy - enough so that we went to bed - and then was I flummoxed: Mr. Personality disappeared, and Mr. Massively Hung just laid there. "Do you expect worship?" "Look at it." "It's big, but what are you doing?" Heartbreaking.
When I remember loving sex and orgasms and a partner, it's a guy with a pinkie sized penis, a lesbian in a truck, and the average sized guy who sets out to blow my mind for hours at a time - and who I've been involved with for years now that come to the forefront in my mind. Engaged, hot people - with and without clothing. My only thought about the hugely endowed fellow is: I wish I had left my clothes on. I really liked him until I experienced his lousy manner in bed.
I've got big breasts and a great ass - but I can't expect my physical attributes to pass as substance.
Feminism -- originally, as a point of view and a political/social philosophy -- does not target men as "the problem" -- it points out that the unquestioned, institutionally-supported dominance of what we call masculine attributes, and the total dismissal of feminine attributes as valid, damages everyone -- men and women. Men aren't allowed to do anything we for some reason call "feminine," for instance.
Comments like 35 ("In college I was an angry feminsit type and thought men were all pigs. Then I made some really great guy friends I would have dated but they were damaged goods after some witch messed them up") make it clear the writers have no idea what they're talking about when they mention feminism. Feminists take issue with the accepted dominance of certain attributes that historically, men claim -- not with men.
Someone who's "gotten over" feminism should make no claims to be particularly sensitive.
As for #7's comment, give me a break. Of course a man who is 6'8" is more likely to have a big dick than a guy who's 5'2". Sometimes really short guys look bigger than they are because they have an average sized dick and it's disproportionate to their small frame, and I know there are exceptions to every rule, but generally body parts are proportionate with height. (I have no idea why boobs are so unpredictable) In my experience taller USUALLY equals bigger. Just like there are tall men with small hands or short torsos, and short men with long legs, there are going to be tall men with small dicks and vice versa, but this is the exception, not the rule.
BIG HONKING PERSONALITY DISORDER ALERT! If I thought "Mum" was capable of hearing it, I'd tell her: it is flat out abuse to try to browbeat your child into being a carbon copy of you, to blame her for ways in which other people mistreated her, and to demand that she always put your needs first.
But you know what, people who do these things cannot hear anyone telling them that these behaviors are wrong. You aren't likely to get any empathy out of your Mum if you ask her nicely to honor your feelings, your independence or your needs. It's about her retaining control; the involvement of sexual choices is beside the point.
You are right on target when you say you know what you would do if this were a peer relationship. Do it. I wasted twenty years of my life wanting to believe a mother exactly like this could be made into a mother who loved me -- if I tried hard enough. Get yourself some books on narcissism and borderline disorder, like "Surviving a Borderline Parent" or "Stop Walking on Eggshells" or "Will I Ever Be Good Enough"? (use that handy Amazon search button). See if the shoe fits. I suspect it will, and if so, ponder the excellent coping advice in these and numerous other books on controlling parenting. Run, don't walk, away from anyone who makes you feel like less than your best self.
Unless you want to continue the crazy and unhealthy one you already have.
Take it from someone who has been there.
Your cousin may be gay. He may not be. It's not your business, to be quite honest, and it's especially not something that I find necessary or appropriate conversation between a mother figure (your mom) and a younger person.
I think you would be well-served to tell him yourself via email or text that you would be totally supportive of him no matter whether he's gay or straight, and to hang out with him more in general, and make sure to be open-minded during this time. Maybe he'd come out to you.
But because of his childhood trauma (losing his father to AIDS after he came out), he may have a deeply ingrained association between AIDS, death, and gayness. You're not going to change him, so just let him know you'll be supportive.
Maybe he is gay, hiding it, and doesn't even want to admit it to himself. You confronting him about that will not change him at all, and it may forever alienate him from a potentially-supportive future cousin.
So-o-o-o-o.....uh....what's the problem?
I'd like to meet him!
Another spot on week. Kudos!!!
I was, at one time, your cousin. Nice, shy, religious boy who didn't date much (none in HS). Being gay was the absolute worst thing I could be. But I had this strange attraction to other guys. At my fundie christian college my GF even asked if I was gay cause I didn't want to kiss her (even holding hands was forbidded at that school, I was just afraid to get in trouble). I denied being gay.
But sure enough, 10 years later I figured out I was gay.
It's not something you can intervene in, like a drug habit. It's something he has to figure out himself on his own time frame.
The best intervention you can have is to be his friend. Hang out with him. Have him hang out with you and some of your gay friends. Show him it's ok, so when the time comes, he knows he can turn to you for support. (But if he's the religious freak I was, then you are probably 'bad'.)
But if he turns out straight, that's ok too. Cause there's no way you can make a gay or straight change into the other.
I guess it all depends on what you want out of your 'gift'.
My expereince is that, male 'sizing may' leave a lot to be desired. I've been called: alright, Average, Large, Extra-Large and "Oh My Fucking GOD" (she was petite and inexperienced). Wanting one solid relationship, having my lady tell her friends brought some asking, spoiling the thing I wanted. One friend of mine likes showing off his huge-ness, half the women hate or lust after him. A few claimed he wasn't on their top lover list. As if the hung guy might rest on his 'laurels' while the rest of us try 'harder'.
No doubt sharing may help with the opposite sex, but what if they are expecting more than you have? Many Love/Lust Lab personals claim, it isn't the size that counts, but the motion. You can offer both, if you remain humble enough and don't turn into a giant prick, and give them your all when offered the opportunity.
This is my advice for you - if you just want people to know you have a big cock, and you like the attention (jokes, bawdy comments, etc.) that comes with it, then mention it. If, however, your goal is just to get women more easily, don't mention it. Think about the kind of women who would sleep with a guy just because he has a big cock - they're mostly trashy, if they're out there at all. It's the same in the gay world - any guy who says "a big cock is all I'm looking for" is probably a crack whore.
Now, admittedly, there might be someone who isn't entirely sure if they want to sleep with you or not, and learning that you're well-endowed might be enough to convince them. But it's also possible it will convince them not to sleep with you, ouf of fear of pain.
The need for strict female sexual laws isn't just a church thing: some people decide to have them because of "feminism". Women aren't allowed to display their sexuality, not because it would offend their husband or their priest, but because it would offend "themselves". Now, that "self" conveniently becomes all womanhood, such that they can blame you for making men the douchebags they are by acting the way you do.
These women are the same sort which used to hang out in the church: feeling that femininity isn't their force, they want to downplay others', and especially their daughters'. However, like any good fundamentalist, they sink into their credo and rarely ever resurface.
Therefore, confronting won't result in a conversion. However, if you make the confrontation painful enough, your mom will want to avoid the subject in the future. So think the thing over, discuss it with friends, come up with a solid file (few scholars study this... Valérie Daoust is the only one I know, and she only writes in French, but there's probably others), and confront your mom.
What about not confronting? Well, your mom will take it as a "yes, you are right, I'm being naughty and I ought to change".
Not all gay guys want a huge cock.
I like them all! Big, small, curved, thin, thick, anything!
I just love the organ.
Gotta agree with #50, too: jerks come in "overt" and "covert" flavors, but you're not going to escape jerkness unless you wall yourself off from people in general. Not everyone's a jerk. Get healthy yourself, and you'll find a way to be with healthy people.
Next topic: What is it with the "huge cock" fixation? You could make a pretty good case that women are obsessed with a hard one, but I think obsession with the size is limited to a small fraction of women. I can't frankly remember much about the exact size of any of my old lovers, but I sure know which of them made sex memorable by being fully engaged and attentive. Be more concerned with what's between your ears and less about what's between your legs. (Not that what's between your legs isn't quite lovely, whatever size it is.)
Finally, #62, yes, yes, yes. Feminism should be about questioning the cultural dominance of characteristics traditionally associated with men, and about recognizing that even those characteristics are not the exclusive province of men.
Not that a feminist can't believe that both partners could be partially responsible for the deterioration of a relationship in which one of the partners cheats, but this seems to be the equivalent of blaming a rape victim for wearing a short skirt and high heels. (No, of course being cheated on and being raped are not the same. I'm just saying that the story she's telling seems to be "you were victimized by your cheating boyfriend, but were asking for it," not "both of you may be responsible for creating a sterile and alienating relationship; he's the one who cheated, but neither of you is completely innocent of creating the circumstances which lead to that.")
... somehow i think "to be every bit as cruel and shitty" is a bit of a stretch. Imagine an island full of men vs. an island full of women. Which would be more violent? Which would have more rape?
#65 your aggressive response just propagates the very sexism that you seek to criticize. first of all, assuming wiapi is a woman makes you a bigot. second of all, comparing "why are men assholes" to "why are all bitches so fucking stupid" makes you a chauvinist. apparently according to #40 and #50, it's asshole vs. crazy, so get it right. finally, somehow i get the feeling you're not dealing with the same problem HH has.
#40 People suck. Until you find one that doesn't.
Couldn't have put it better myself.
Let me get this straight: you're a "recovering nice guy" who became an asshole, and now you "get along better with women", because "society doesn't make men assholes, women do".
Go back to your pigpen,--OOPS!--playpen, MalRey. If you can't get laid it's BECAUSE YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE!!!
However, you also have to know when to pull the trigger and grab on to one of those O.W.I.L.F's asses and squeeze.
My relationship with my mom improved after I moved across the country and only saw her once a year, but I still keep her at arms length and do not disclose personal details.