'The next day, when you finally figured out I didn't want you sexually'

All her crazy aside, how exactly weren't you stringing this girl along the whole time? Either she's the dimmest bulb out there, or you're a dick too. Come to think of it, you're probably a dick either way.

I'm sorry sweetie. There are better girls at that camping event. Find one next year.

@3 NO U!

If it hadn't been about a chick, I would have thought I knew "that guy". Although he was a fairly congenial drunkard whose sole flaw was a regrettably consistent tendency to get wasted and fall into fires at parties.

Getting back to topic, I suspect this chick has pretty much burned through her entire allowance of pity sex from the writer.

And yet, despite this person being a self serving, insecure skank with multiple substance abuse issues and poor social and communication skills- You chose to fuck her.... what does that say about you?

@5, I'm not buying it. The tone of the rant may be colored by the way this guy feels now, but it seems pretty clear that this guy felt like this girl was his job, because she was falling apart to begin with; red flags all over the place. The last thing some fucked up, substance-abusing chick needs is pity sex and someone to give her everything she wanted.

Hopefully this guy's learned that 'project relationships' are terrible relationships, and NO ONE comes out happy.

@19 you're not the only one that uses I, Anon to blow off steam :) I'm glad you're rid of her; it definitely sounds like the best outcome for you especially.

@23 Whoa - got issues? Having been the platonic female friend of someone who turned out to be a certifiable headcase, I can attest that some people hide the fact that they've crossed the line between damaged-but-coping to completely fucked in the head really *really* well at first.

Dude, she's an alcoholic druggie who obviously has serious mental health issues. Why were you with her in the first place ?(rhetorical) Sounds like you have a history of being attracted to the unstable, and should work on that.

Writer, I sincerely feel for you and am not here to dump on or criticize you, but I am gonna tell you that you're fooling yourself in one crucial way: People (=everyone) absolutely and positively telegraph their neediness and damage level, and people (=everyone) absolutely and positively perceive, if not at a fully conscious/verbalized level, whom they're dealing with.

You wrote: << I dated my ex for weeks and we found we fit like "hand in glove" (even before the phenomenal sex) before she told me about her past.>> But the point is that we don't need to know the specifics of others' pain/damage to gauge, pretty much right away, the level of that pain/damage.

You also mentioned your << (admittedly, self-medicated) 3 year mourning period>>. Did you see a therapist or a grief counselor? Join a grief support group? You're using this info, your vulnerbalilty, as another piece of evidence to prove to us that you were 100% victim and she 100% shit/predator. it just ain't so, writer -- that isn't how life works. We fit together like puzzle pieces, user/usee, bully/victim, etc.

Again, I am *not* lambasting you for anything you've done -- you're clearly a compassionate and somewhat insightful person -- nor am I suggesting that the flaming woman wasn't also at fault. But you have some MASSIVE blind spots when it comes to your own behavior, and to pretend that you're only a victim is disingenuous and ultimately not good for *you*. And by the way, your tale illustrates why so many self-proclaimed "nice guys" who whine about women ignoring or using them just bug the crap out of us women. Co-dependent ain't the same thing as "nice." And I'm not suggesting that this is a one-way dynamic -- plenty of women enable molto-fucked-up men and then portray themselves as martyred saints. But in this culture, for better and worse, women are taught/permitted to be more self-aware, and that's why the "I'm a nice guy -- why are all these nutty women making my life tough?" refrain is far more dominant.

Therapy is good; therapy is freeing. Therapy gives you back to yourself and brings more joy and light to your life. Find out who you are and heal your own damage; when you do, you won't draw so many profoundly broken women into your life, and you'll know how to set/maintain appropriate boundaries with those who come in regardless of how healthy you become.

AWESOME!