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800 Maynard Ave S, Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98134
800 Maynard Ave S, Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98134
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ULdaSrYG…
Another take on marriage, from the het feminist:
http://www.thefword.org.uk/features/2004…
GGGIPDX: What Dan says about MTF is true for the three I know. At least, they aren't really comfortable in the gay community, and hang out in other places. Although, now that I think about it, one is married to a bisexual woman, who used to hang out mostly with lesbians.
Seriously, if you want to make an Italian laugh, call him a wop. If you want him to fight you, call him a spick.
It really is okay to spend this time researching and figuring out which big city you want to move to, which college has the best gay parties, and what places that have weather that suits your fashion choices. There's a ton of great porn online that is probably illegally available to you. As well as sites that have stories and tips about coming out, where you can learn how to evaluate the risks to your mental (and physical) well being. You can see if you want to take on those risks, and, if so, how to minimize them or be prepared to deal with them.
Coming out in high school might be great. It also might ruin your GPA, your health, your happiness, your safety, your home life...only you can gauge how the people in your life are likely to react. And whether or not it will be positive experience or a shitty-but-worth-it experience or just a plain shitty experience.
So maybe think about it a little bit longer. Go to websites, read coming out stories, gather advice, and think about your goals for coming out, and how to cope with possible fallout.
One last thought: They don't send men to war until they turn 18. Even then, they put them through bootcamp training first. I know you want to support the cause and all that, but teenagers in WWII were stuck collecting foil for recycling. You can do the 2009 equivalent by standing up to people about their slurs, letting them know why they aren't good slurs. And maybe making up some better ones, like "you're so straight" In fact, the Savage readers are awesome at inventing new slurs, and they're at your service.
Other than that, I agree with Dan about telling a counselor or trusted adult or friend first. Just be aware that most high school counselors have their heads up their own asses and are not qualified to help anyone else. And that "friends" particularly in high school, go berserk when handed juicy gossip. Before you tell a single soul, you need get in a head/heart space where their possible freakout does not diminish your self esteem, and their possible asshole friend who is now out to get you will not have enough access to do any real damage.
All that said, my hope for you is that a cute queer boy falls in love, you have hot sex in the detention room when no one is looking, and later when you grow up you start a successful business. Stay srong, dude!
Vocal Adrenaline's version of "Rehab?" The "two thumbs up" cake? The lying bitchmonster wife with the sister who is demonstrably Satan? Jane Lynch? Kristin Fucking Chenoweth?
Dude. Seriously.
P.S. the crap my mind wonders...
Equal pay.
I don't know what you give advice on, but I'll give it a go.
I like this guy who I know likes me back but doesn't want a relationship right now. Well, I'm also 4 months pregnant and he doesn't know yet.
It's my exes, I love my ex so very very much, but he cheated on me with HIS ex.
Okay, anyways.
I told the guy I liked(Andrew) about everything that had been said between me and my friends about guys who like me.
I also told him about this one guy who asked me out.
He asked me out and i said no, but he asked if I'd think about it, when I asked if he would quit the drugs, he said no.
So I outright told him no.
But the guy called later last night saying he was confused because sometimes I act like I like him and other times I don't.
Was telling him those things making him think I don't?
Because I do.
But neither of us are ready for anything right now, I have a baby on the way and the father is in a different state,
he's ignoring me now, it's been 4 days since we talked.
He said his phone was dead for a couple days, but I think he was with the girl he cheated on me with.
What do I do?
It has, Dan. I play the violin and gigged at weddings all summer for some extra cash. I hear that reading all the time. It's the new, cool, "offbeat" reading.
Seriously, it's one thing to fuck around when you're young and carefree with little to no responsibility outside yourself (safely, o'course) but now you have a baby to think of. A little bundle of joy and pain that is suddenly and inexplicably more important than yourself.
I was in the same boat you were in about three years ago: dating stoners that loved pot more than they ever loved me and thinking I deserved them because my daddies all abandoned me when I was young.
I was a fucking idiot. I got pregnant by one of these losers and the world crashed down on me. God flicked me in the head and I reeled for weeks, picked myself up, became an adult the fastest I've ever seen a person. Then He flicked me in the head again and I miscarried at twelve weeks.
It was a message: grow up! The world stopped revolving around me and my vagina and I got taken down a few notches by life. It was a painful, humbling experience.
Here's what you have to do. Stop talking to the loser ex boyfriends. Just stop. Heck, I wouldn't even tell the loser ex boyfriend that knocked you up that you're pregnant with his child until you can stand firmly and solidly by yourself. Then you have to learn who you really are. Who you REALLY are. Not as a girlfriend, not as a fuckhole, not as daughter or a little girl, but who YOU are. What sort of advocate are you going to be for yourself? What sort of parent are you going to be for your child? These are the only two questions that matter right now. When you figure it out, when it's as ingrained in yourself as your previous identity, after the baby is born and after you know her as well as yourself then and only then can you even begin to look for a mate. And then you must determine if he's even good enough for your. If your self-esteem is too low to do that justice, you shouldn't be dating anyone at all. Instead, judge the men around you by whether or not they're good enough for your child. Then ask yourself why you value you're child's happiness over your own. A few more months of this and you should start to realize you deserve better than losers. Then date non-losers, but date several of them (cuz losers sometimes hide in non-loser clothing) and never let these men around your child until you are in a committed, exclusive relationship. The last thing your son needs is a string of daddies that always leaves him.
Guy A (the one you like but doesn't know you're pregnant), he probably sees the crazy amount of drama you are right now and doesn't want in on it.
Guy B (the one who got you pregnant): He's a douchebag. Remember to get child support from him, or make him help pay for the abortion or whatever you decide. But for the sake of the kid and your own, keep him out of your life.
Guy C (druggie): for the love of god stop talking to him. He is bad news bears. Stay away.
You should be a bit more specific. Every time you mention one of the guys that likes you(way to sound full of yourself) you refer to him by nothing other than 'him' or 'he' or 'the guy'. Your question is not put forth very well.
From what I can get out of your question, you already know that you are not ready for a relationship with any new man and that clearly the father of your unborn child is not willing to be in a relationship with you. To try and force that would be ludicrous. You will only stress yourself out more than necessary. If you were able to get back with the father of your child, even though he clearly doesn't want that, it would make a bad environment to raise the child. Staying/getting back together for the child doesn't work. If you are only trying to get back with him for your sake then yo should wake the fuck up. You know you are capable of moving on from him, you have already started crushing on someone else, so do it. Forget about him as far as your love-life goes. Let him be a father to the child t don't get involved beyond that. Eventually, whether it e now or after your pregnancy, you will find someone that you like who likes you back and who is ready for a relationship. Date that guy when it happens, until then, just worry about being a healthy, happy mother.
And if there's any physical violence take it to the police.
The times are changing, attitudes are changing with them. The less people feel they have to stand up and say anything about their sex lives the better. While it used to be an act of real courage to declare your orientation, it's no longer such an earth-shattering concept. (not even if you're a politician from a Southern state) And if more kids starting just being gay once they noticed who they were attracted to, more parents would have a chance to get used to the idea without a major meltdown.
The highlight is definitely myycinderella who sounds too close to several girls I know to be fake. My advice? You're pregnant. Think about what your priorities should be over the next six months. The soap opera that you apparently so desperately need your life to be is going to fuck up your kid. Didn't you ever want to be / do something with your life? Work towards that and try to pull your head out of your crotch.
Wait, I thought you were advising him not to come out? This depends on the school and level of confidence but at my HS not joining in the abuse was suspicious and defending gays was the same as being one. Try this: I told some friends someone had come out to me and I wasn't sure how to treat him and got their advice, which was uniformly supportive (this wasn't a random sample) so I knew what to expect when I came out to them.
I'm praying your receive the same reception a classmate of my daughter received. This young man decided to wear rainbow shoelaces and out himself to everyone on the back of the bus (I'm not sure of the wisdom of such public disclosure), but it was followed by a loud, "That's cool" and pats on the back. I hope you find yourself as well received as he did then, and still does now nearly a year later. Good luck, you have lovely heart.
"The exclusive commitment of two individuals to each other" Why stop at two come 2024?, according to Savage and his friends. If marriage is going to be dismantled in order for homosexuals to gain entrance into it then why can't polygamist also gain entrance? or people in "consensual" (according to such luminaries as Mackenzie Phillips) incest or even worst offenses like that of Polanski? Some people also profess deep love for their pets, why should they be denied marriage?
... This is one of several comments like this. If you don't want to marry your girlfriends, let her be free and find someone who does!!!!! Whether it's immaturity or fear of commitment or whatever cliche straight guy problem, it's not fair to her!
first of all, i agree - polygamists who are entering the relationship willingly should be allowed to be married. this does not include children forced to wed old men.
second of all, if an incestuous couple wishes to marry and again, it is consensual - why not? none of your business. the only thing that might be considered an issue is whether or not it is fair to their potential offspring, as it has been proven that incest leads to malformations and defects.
finally... pets? really? look i dont know what you do in your spare time, but i can only guess that this is the real reason for your post. listen, your dog can not give consent. what you are doing with your dog is wrong. if you manage to teach your dog a human language and get them to consent, then hey, i'll believe they want you just as badly as you want him. until then, no, you do NOT have permission to do your dog. sorry. so leave him alone.
Or maybe Loveschild does know all this, and is just very, very desperate to maintain one of the last legal distinctions between men and women (which group is allowed to marry women). I'm still trying to figure out the source of this widespread desperation. What is so threatening to Loveschild about having no legal distinctions between men and women? Is she afraid of the draft?
In 1978 I came out in 9th grade in Orange County, CA! You think you have it tough now, boy oh boy. I felt totally alone until I started noticing little subtle signs of other gays around me: the fashion guy wearing a bit too much jewelry, the guy that checked me a out a little bit too long in the locker room, the smart sexy nerd that always was there to help me out with my homework. Then I joined the Drama club, and soon enough I had my own gaggle of gays and "fag hags" - btw I hate the term but these girls routinely called themselves that (one of them is still my best friend 33 years later.)
And best yet by bounding together we created self promulgating cycle. The more visibly we became in and out of school the more we attracted other gay/lesbian/outsiders. By the time I graduated from high school 1981, there was at least 20-25 openly gay/bi kids in my circle of friends! And even more reached out to me after high school.
And almost all of them at one point said something to the effect, "I saw you guys having fun and a sense of camaraderie that I just wanted to join in on the fun".
Also as a teen I looked up in the yellow pages (how archaic) and found a Gay Community Center in my town which lucky for me they had a youth group that help me out a lot and there too I made more friends outside of my initial high school clique.
Lastly stay away from chat rooms with older guys trying to “help” you out. Stay within a year or two in either direction of your age range.
And @46? Great response! I couldn't have said it better.
Heck, even bear events in PDX are frequented by quite a few cute scruffy dudes that were given the wrong erector set by the stork.
Portland is a very open city to live in, and the generally relaxed and genderbias-free atmosphere is a good place for folks of all gender identities (and non-identities!).
@24: Reality has arrived and your baby is arriving in a few months. Don't get overwhelmed with all the details of the crazy and f***ed-up life your living right now. Just look at the positive, you're going to be a Mom and you will succeed. My sister had a baby at 14 and it was the best thing that ever happened to her. Almost the same story as yours. She changed her life, became self-sufficient and has a wonderful 23 year-old son. Find other women/girls that are in your same predicament, and build from there, let the craziness go, and always believe in yourself.
@24: Reality has arrived and your baby is arriving in a few months. Don't get overwhelmed with all the details of the crazy and f***ed-up life your living right now. Just look at the positive, you're going to be a Mom and you will succeed. My sister had a baby at 14 and it was the best thing that ever happened to her. Almost the same story as yours. She changed her life, became self-sufficient and has a wonderful 23 year-old son. Find other women/girls that are in your same predicament, and build from there, let the craziness go, and always believe in yourself.
This is obvious to me, but it's possible you don't realize this:
Marriage has to be between consenting adults.
A pet cannot consent, so bestiality's out (thank goodness)
In terms of incest and polygamy. As Dan has said, we will debate them on their own terms.
But Spain, Belgium, South Africa, Canada, Sweden, Norway, and the Netherlands all have gay marriage and, as far as I know, there have not been attempts (or success) in these countries by groups who want to make incest or polygamy legal.
~Big fan from Canada in Austin
p.s. donations to the Maine cause already made-so glad its been printed/pointed out!
@13 & 15, honorable mention.
I dunno, I've seen dogs that appear to love to lick EVERYTHING, I don't really like dogs but I can't imagine there exists not a single dog in the entire world that spontaneously decides to like it's naked owner. Pretty sure that'd be consent on the dog's part, maybe not the owners, lol. And cat's purr. Possibly not up to par to commercial vibrators, but pretty sure as long as it's purring it's not complaining.
Anyway, this is party for those of you who were complaining this thread was too kink-less ;)
if the parent weren't that much older (teen parent) and the child were adopted as an infant, why not?
But once you've been an authority figure in shaping a child's world, nope, sexual access is never ethical ever after.
This is happening to me.
I'm not specific because I don't want to mention names.
Man who got me pregnant:Eddy.
Man I'm currently around: Andrew.
Druggie: Nate.
And for the record, I don't talk to the druggie unless he talks to me first, and even then he judges me and my life.
I'm not full of myself because if you knew me, you'd know, I'm shy, vulnerable, gullible, weak and very VERY self- concious.
My ex is just someone I met in school, we dated for a year, but before then we were friends for a year. I thought Eddy was a good guy, but it turned out he was just another guy who'd hurt me.
Andrew's sweet, he doesn't do drugs, or any of that.
I'm ready for my child, I know how to raise them.
That isn't my problem, I only mentioned it because it is relevant to my problem.
Andrew doesn't know I'm pregnant and I'm scared if he knows, he'll walk away from me.
So please, I'd appreciate if you really did NOT insist I'm full of myself, or lying.
Because I'm not, I would never lie about anything like this in my life.
I just want to know,
what do I do about Andrew and Eddy?
The druggy is not in this anymore.
I mentioned HIM because that's what I talked to Andrew about. That's what got him upset with me in the first place.
Thank you guys so much for responding.
I appreciate it.
Myycinderella AKA
Shelby.
You sick SICK people.
I'm against abortion.
Totally and completely, I've NEVER been into drugs, or alcohol.
I'm not rambling.
But it's hard to tell the WHOLE thing without sounding like I'm saying TOO much.
Adoption is also out of the question.
I'm not immature, I'm ready for this child.
I've practically been a mother anyways because I've raised my siblings.
I currently have a 7 month old sister I raise myself.
So please, keep your mouth shut.
I need advice, so I'm asking.
Andrew told me he might help,
but it isn't HIS responsibility.
It's EDDY'S.
I can do this on my own if I have to,
I just want some input on who I should choose,
I know Andrew would be great, BUT I want the real father to help.
And if you can honestly say abortion without knowing my beliefs or religion, then you are cynical and cold.
Next time, PLEASE ask someone their beliefs before you go TELLING them to get an abortion.
Thank you.
Good day.
Frankly, if you are simply dismissing as *out of the question* any consideration of abortion, or for that matter, and for some unfathomable reason, adoption, than I kinda question whether you are objectively measuring the quality of life your child will have if you choose to bring it into your world.
Plus, I have yet to figure out how you can tell someone to shut their mouth and yet still ask them to give you advice in the same comment without sounding leotarded.
If you insist on keeping the child for whatever religious beliefs you have, than get child support money from the real father. And relationship wise, be independent. There's no big magical white knight figure out there in the world to come swooping in and fix your problems for you (there isn't any invisible daddy in the sky to fix your messes either but that's a separate issue). Men aren't magic fairies you have to have in your life at all times, and certainly aren't your biggest concern right now. You need financial support for the child's sake, hence the child support, but apart from that, stay out of drama.
Your marriage will be recognized everywhere (since it's an opposite one), and you'll be giving your marriage business to the places that respect equality. Think of it as helping to put Loveschild (@42) out of work.
And no,
Eddy knows about the baby.
I thought I had a miscarriage and he heard about that, but this weekend I got an ultra-sound and the doctor told me the little girl is still healthy.
I'm a great role model.
I'm not CHOOSING any guy okay?
I want to know if I should tell Andrew or not.
Because at this moment in time, I'm very high risk,
I've had three other pregnancies, all ending in miscarriage before the end of the first trimester.
Not because of drug use, or alcohol.
But because I did not get the proper treatment in time, seeing as how I found out I was pregnant right before it happened.
And had no time to get checked.
Thank you very much I suppose for judging me without even knowing.
I raise my sister because my Mother works.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
She's ALSO a single mother, now raising five, her eldest moved out.
And I have to care for the child while my mother's working.
Which is all the time, plus when the other kids get out of school I care for them.
It isn't that she left, it's that she's trying to SUPPORT us with MONEY.
Why don't you get a clue before assuming she left us.
She's a single mother, not a monster.
I'm not a monster either.
I've raised children since I was 5 when my brother was born.
I've been around them longer.
I babysit for other parents as well and they tell me their children loved having me watch them.
You don't know me, so how could you even have a SINGLE clue whether or not I'd be a good mother.
Also, I'm against abortion not because of religion, but because it is murder.
I don't have a religion, but that does not mean other people don't.
I was simply stating that you should answer based on peoples beliefs and religions.
Or ask them their stands before just snapping out something as appauling as abortion.
A friend recently threw an engagement party celebrating his upcoming nuptials, and asked guests to make a donation to the Maine Equality campaign in lieu of gifts, noting that they'd rather have $10 going to the campaign than a bottle of wine or some other such thing.
The part you didn't mention:
The campaign website even allows you to set up event-specific or personal donation pages, which can be done here.
Just tell Andrew already. He's going to figure it out anyway because pretty soon you'll have a big fat pregnant belly.
This is your FOURTH pregnancy?!? Why the heck didn't you use birth control?
Are you sure it wouldn't be best for your child to be adopted by a loving family? Your single mom is already working to support you and your siblings; does she need another mouth to feed?
Men and dating are obviously important to you, and having this baby will put your dating life on hold for a long, long time. If someone else adopts the baby you can focus on finding a good partner who will be a wonderful father to your future children.
And I'm sure you're a very good babysitter, but caring for a child and raising your own child are two very different things. Are you sure you're ready?
It's pretty clear to me that you want to have and keep this baby, so I'm not going to say anything about that. Plus, you're under the care of a doctor, so I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that the reason you're not worried about the pregnancy is that you have it completely under control, leaving you plenty of time to worry about boys.
So, your boy problems:
Nate - stop talking to, or about, him. Some boys won't take no for an answer until you just cut them out of your life. And having some clingy drug addict hanging around (or constantly coming up in conversations) won't be good for your baby or your relationships.
Eddy - is clearly not interested in continuing to date you. You call him your ex, you say he cheated on you, he ignores you for days at a time despite the fact that you're carrying his child. He sounds pretty irresponsible, and you need to get over him. However, he seems like he might be interested in being involved with his child's life, and if you want to encourage that, you should. At the very least, you should make him pay child support.
Andrew - Yes! Tell him you're pregnant! I mean, he's going to figure it out pretty soon, right? When you have a baby bump, and then a baby? Maybe he'll get scared away. But he's going to get scared away now, when you tell him, or later when he figures it out himself. And maybe he'll appreciate your honesty. Are you sure you want to date him? He sounds kinda emo and needy, if he responds to you telling him you like him with "Sometimes you act like you don't."
but it isn't HIS responsibility.
It's EDDY'S." which contradicts the rest of her posts saying that Andrew doesn't know.
Troll.
If abortion is murder, every miscarriage must be investigated as a homicide for possible manslaughter prosecution.
If abortion is murder, since a woman can be pregnant without knowing she's pregnant, not only is it reckless endangerment for a woman of childbearing years to consume alcohol, it is furthermore criminal reckless endangerment to serve a woman who could be pregnant alcohol.
Clearly, if abortion is murder, it is fundamentally unjust to punish anyone for anything, The whole idea of crime and punishment crumbles.
That being said, if you don't want to have an abortion, don't. It's your choice, after all.
Don't call me a troll.
I do have the pregnancy under control.
I just want a father figure in this child's life.
Is that such a HUGE problem?
And the men in my life SHOULD and do need to know.
So do my friends and family.
I told him I wasn't when I thought I miscarried, so now I have to tell him that I am.
He said he'd help before when I told him I might be even though I said he didn't have to and I didn't want him to support us.
I have means of support also,
Eddy's mom told me I could move in there.
And I have a job and make okay money.
That isn't the problem.
If I cannot take care of the baby after I give birth however, I will take control and put it up for adoption.
But I am willing to try, abortion is sick.
Have you seen pictures?
And videos.
It is murder.
And to the one who said I commited murder everytime I opened my mouth and posted,
no.
I'm stating my issues, and it is up to me how I state them.
Unless you somehow know me personally, don't open YOUR mouth about this.
Also,
I did use birth control and condoms.
After the 2nd pregnancy, I had the NuvaRing implanted.
That, however, did not work somehow.
We still used condoms.
And to state another fact, me and Eddy were in a relationship, currently engaged to be married.
All in all, I can and will raise this child on my own.
Without my mother's support.
I have my own means, I just would like some kind of father figure in this child's life.
Because a mother cannot replace a father, I should and do know.
It is not easy to grow up knowing that your father didn't give a damn, or that you could have had one but your mother decided to keep you from him.
Even if the man doesn't support us(which I will be fine with)I want someone there who will support her emotionally and visit her from time to time.
It will help her in the long run, emotionally, and mentally.
She will not feel like she was abandoned and will be able to know what a father is.
That is all I want.
Thank you for judging me and my values, my mother, my family, and my mothering abilities.
I know you're answering from experience or from your own thoughts.
And I appreciate it.
But could you PLEASE just be a little more sensitive.
Shelby.
It is painfully obvious that you are not ready for motherhood. But then, no one ever is. But your situation seems apt to produce a messed-up out-of-control kid. Good luck.
That, however, did not work somehow."
I can imagine how the NuvaRing didn't work - being that it doesn't get implanted... You're supposed to change it every month. If it is somehow still in your body go to a ER *now*.
I just want to get my point across.
I have means of support, a place to live and people willing to help.
My mother will not be supporting me in any way except emotionally.
Eddy's mother offered me a place to stay and I accepted.
As for the men?
I just want someone who can be there for my little Hayley.
As she grows, she'll need someone.
I will not accept their money,
I will, however, accept their love.
Hayley will need someone there to help her grow emotionally, and mentally.
Andrew might be able to do that.
Whether it's him or not, I'm not sure.
But someone needs to be a father to her.
It cannot be me because no matter what anyone says or believes, a Mother cannot replace a father.
I went my whole life without a father figure because he wanted nothing to do with me.
I do not want that for her.
If it isn't Eddy who's there, then so be it.
But someone needs to be.
And I wanted to know,
if I should tell Andrew and risk him walking away.
I have my pregnancy and my situation under control.
But I'm stuck.
Between, a broken heart and a guy who I'm not sure about.
I want Eddy to be there for Hayley,
but Andrew I can trust.
When me and Eddy had sex, I had the NuvaRing and we used condoms.
Neither are 100% effective, so therefore, I was responsible,
we were engaged and having safe sex.
It isn't like I run around having sex with everyone I know without protection of any kind.
I've only EVER had safe sex and with people I am in relationships with.
Thank you,
Shelby.
If you wanted people to be sensitive, this was the wrong place to ask for advice. Seriously. But you also can't ask for input, and then get mad because commenters don't "somehow know [you] personally" and give you advice that doesn't jive with your values. When you solicit advice from strangers, them's the breaks.
I would like to say that, just because you make an awesome babysitter and are really good with kids, and you've contributed to the rearing of your own siblings, doesn't mean that you are ready to be a mother. I'm not saying you aren't, because I don't know you personally, of course, but it's been my observation that women who say, "Oh! I'm so ready to have a baby! I'm totally prepared for this! It's gonna be awesome!" are typically the ones who are wrong. It's the mothers-to-be who are filled with fear, self-doubt, and mild panic who turn out to be the best parents. So don't go resting on your laurels just yet. If you're going to keep this child, then you've got a lot of work ahead of you.
Let me ask, do you have a father figure? You say your mother is a single mother, so I just wonder what your experience has been with fathers. I ask because you seem so committed to providing your child with a daddy-type, but you're limiting yourself to these lousy options. You're not even sure if that Andrew chump will stick around after you tell him you're pregnant. Douche. You and your baby deserve better than that (and you should believe that's true), and I promise that if you're selective and smart about it, you can find a non-douchey man to be a partner to you and a father figure for your child.
Anyway. It sounds to me like you've made up your mind and you just want someone to tell you you're doing the right thing. Or, you're asking us (a bunch of strangers) to help you make a tough decision for you. Either way, your approach is flawed and I feel sorry for you.
And I'm doing everything correct.
I am ready for motherhood.
I just simply want to find someone who is willing to give his time for my child and not just to see me and ignore her.
I've had it changed, I'm not stupid.
The only word I can find to describe it was implant.
Even the doctor used that word.
So it isn't like I'M the one who decided to use it.
HE chose that word and that form of birth control.
My child will not be a brat.
In anyway.
My siblings and I are quite far from being bratty or out-of-control.
They are all smart, quiet, and good listeners.
Even Ana is a good child.
I don't honestly want to hear your analizations of my mothering skills.
I do want to hear what you have to say of what to say to Andrew.
This is all I need.
Tell me, and I will be gone.
Because I have everything else under control.
Do your homework next time.
You said you had the NuvaRing implanted. Did you know that you have to change it once a month? If you've had three pregnancies with condom use - try going to your nearest Planned Parenthood and ask a sex counselor for advice on how to properly use the condoms and on other forms of birth control for the future.
I know we deserve better.
I am excited but I know it won't be peaches and cream.
My father was horrible.
He barely ever saw us.
He didn't give a damn about me or my older sister until three years ago when he decided to play ME as a pawn in a game he wanted to play.
Against my mother, which was the wrong thing to do.
He let us down, time after time.
I got sick of it.
He even left us sitting up all night on halloween, Christmas and countless other night.
We were only little children.
Our mother had to go to school during the nights, so while we waited we were with our grandparents.
We almost never saw him.
He got drunk constantly and left us with her.
Then told the judge and everyone else she was a horrible mother to us.
I grew up feeling like I meant NOTHING.
Since I was 14, I made up my mind.
When I have a child, I will choose carefully who the father will be.
And I will not let them grow up without one.
Whether the two of us are married or not, they will not grow up feeling like they meant nothing.
I don't want you to make a decision.
I want to know if I should tell Andrew or not.
And what to do about Eddy.
I'm going to live with HIS mother after Hayley is born.
We will be well provided for and I will provide also.
I will go to college and get a decent career.
Then, we will move out on our own and continue to live.
If I cannot support her in any way after she is born,
adoption will be considered.
And I will most likely go through with it.
But only if I have given it an honest try and CANNOT give her the proper home life she deserves.
HE used the word implant.
Honestly,
have you NOT read what I've written?
I asked him how it worked and he said, "We will implant the NuvaRing inside of you, once a month it will be changed. But to prevent further pregnancies, use condoms also."
I am not a troll, or stupid.
Doctors aren't perfect either.
I know how to use a condom.
What to do? Tell Andrew (and everyone else, since you've ruled out abortion), but don't commit to anyone. Date. When the right man comes along (or Andrew proves himself), then cross that bridge. Really reconsider adoption. It's a generous and selfless thing to do.
What to do? Tell Andrew (and everyone else, since you've ruled out abortion), but don't commit to anyone. Date. When the right man comes along (or Andrew proves himself), then cross that bridge. Really reconsider adoption. It's a generous and selfless thing to do.
HOWEVER, I found that a damn-determined mother and family she could trust was all I needed. I'm GLAD that I went fatherless, because it made me closer to my mother and she would push away people who were not perfect for her "father-figure." I'm sorry you were raised in that you feel Mom+Dad is the ONLY good way to raise a "productive member of society."
Having safe-sex, or as safe as you could manage, was good of you. But Sex, while entertaining and full of physical and emotional benefits, IS NOT REQUIRED. I could tell you that maybe you SHOULD-HAVE stopped having intercourse at least for a period of time (there are other things couples can do, mutual masturbation, oral, dry-humping (with clothes on) to prove that you were mature enough to have learned from those other lost babies.
However, telling you what you SHOULD-HAVE done can't help you now. So. What do you do now?
Listen. Seriously. Set yourself up for baby. Try to get a job (I know the economy is tough and pregnancy makes some jobs difficult and you're already a babysitter, but you need to TRY) and/or finish school. LOTS OF PREGNANT WOMEN MANAGE THIS. You can, too.
Allow yourself to go on dates. But don't worry about a father figure AT THIS TIME. I agree with a previous statement that magical-fix-all-daddy will not show up. But you need to prove to yourself, AND YOUR DAUGHTER, that you can do ANYTHING for her. Even if it means swearing off guys FOR A PERIOD OF TIME until you have a home (of your own, or with some kind roommates, but you need to be paying half the bills)and a job and your little girl down to a schedule.
I UNDERSTAND wanting that father figure. But, when my mom was still getting the hang of things, the father-figures she dated, I absolutely HATED for taking mommy away from me (though I never said anything). After she got the hang of things, then she started attracting the types of men, who, seeing that she had a little girl already she wasn't going to leave for their sake, were willing to BE father figures. The types of men who could see my Mom not as a partner but as a Mom first. Then she got married to one and I had a great step-father for the latter half of my teen years.
I'm not saying this will take you that long, but despite your belief in father-figure necessity, many women have proven, either through experience or through BEING the child, it IS NOT A NECCESSITY. At least ONE good caregiver is the important thing, and if you are focusing on ONLY baby, wonderful, that caregiver is you.
Sigh. So, you tell Andrew the truth. But if he stays, you tell him you need enough space and that he knows that baby will ALWAYS be number one. If he leaves, then baby is still number one; focus on making your family (whether you choose to live with mom, an ex's mom, on your own, whatever, this family should now just include you and baby and ANYONE else is just an outsider until passing strict guidelines and regulations, so-to-speak) the type of family that will only attract good family people.
I know you didn't mention this, but it may come up: If you end up requiring physical stimulation in the future, after this baby, but are not yet in a steady, monogamous relationship (I'm talking REALLY REALLY steady in all sense of the word, financial, spiritual, emotional, educational,housing arrangements, whatever) for the sake of those children you lost and any future ones that will have to deal with a less-than-close-to-perfect life-arrangement, DO NOT HAVE INTERCOURSE THAT CAN LEAD TO MORE PREGNANCIES. Even safe, you seem EXTREMELY fertile. Stick to hands, fingers, mouths. You can still get off and get others off. Or for pete's sake, buy a good vibrator.
If you want the others in this forum to treat you as a mature adult, then learn to take all advice not as personal attacks but observations and reccommendations. Getting defensive, as you have been, only makes you look like a crybaby.