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In a poly relationship, you can be honest with your partners about your multiple relationships or flirtations, and at the same time they don't necessarily want to be privy to all the details. In other words, they're okay with you doing stuff that you wouldn't do in front of them.
I think Matisse has put her finger on one of the dynamics that arises when you have a partner that is okay with you being sexual with others in ways that they don't really want to see up close and personal. Technology (Twitter especially) makes it harder to keep things separate and private.
I am not saying every flirtation is likely betrayal, just keep your eyes open.
Not all of us people folks are just begrudgingly putting up with our partners' fucking/loving other people as long as we don't have to see/hear it. That's true for some, but definitely not all.
Love the imagery of not swatting with newspaper today because of barking the night before. Thought I prefer meoowing myself. :)
The *trust* is the basis of monogamy or polyamory. Negotiation/setting expectation is the foundation of any healthy relationship.
Making love to a partner who is with you at that moment, because they'd rather be with you, than with anyone else.
Making love to a partner who'd rather be playing with the kitty next door, but you won't let them out to play.
That old 60's poster was right. "If you love something, and you set it free, and if it doesn't come back to you, then it was never really yours to begin with."
Also, in regards to blogging and twittering, Mark Twain said it best: "I never let the truth get in the way of a good story." As a dominatrix, you're an entertainer (B.T.W.... Is that how you categorize your product or service "source of income" on you tax forms? ...just curious...), and as a creative person, your job is to take "creative license" in order to alter the state of the lives of others. You are being paid to create an exciting and unique experience for your clients. Ultimately, your job is to help them realize their fantasies (Which is often to be controlled by you...). In order to achieve that goal, you must use every implement in your arsenal, including stretching the truth. And at times, you must be a consummate actress. Am I right?
The idea that we still treat petty jealousy as if it's not just ok, but a sign of how-much-you-care is insane. Jealousy is something to overcome, not something to celebrate. You'd think as a culture, we'd be learning this, and that the internet would be helping to spread the message; but in fact I think it's the inverse, where it's helping to spread the message "watch 'em closer, shorten the rein".
We need to grow up as a culture, a whole hell of a lot.
Yes, it's masochistic to cyberstalk your partner and obsess over winky emoticons and casual flirting. For all of human history most grown-ass men and women have known their partners flirt at the grocery store and the office, and they've done it, too, and it hasn't always led to cheating and it's been out of sight, out of mind. Flirting is just a social skill and isn't something to worry about unless it goes beyond specific boundaries set in the relationship.
On the other hand, I think there's a pretty big difference between a public figure and poly person like Matisse or Monk being a little silly on Twitter, vs. a married, monogamous person without a public, kinky persona flirting with other people in public on the Internet. If you compliment a cute guy/girl at the grocery store, the worst that can happen is your partner's friend is watching and tries to start drama by telling your partner with a few embellishments. If you flirt in public via Twitter, there's a permanent record (in the Library of Congress, if you did it with a public account!) of that flirting, to be perused indefinitely by anyone who looks you up.
I think flirting online (in public spaces, not private IMs) is like getting drunk at the party of the year and spending all night hitting on another guy/girl in plain view of not just your partner but most of his/her friends and a few people with cameras. Unless you have a relationship where that's okay, it's embarrassing and disrespectful to the person you're with. A private IM (as long as both people know nothing serious is intended) is more like flirting at the grocery store or the office--no harm done.
I follow a married woman on Twitter who is a very sweet lady and great mom in person, but spends all her time online talking about how she craves more romance than her husband can give her, and flirting with guys she thinks will be more romantic. Either her husband doesn't know about her Twitter, he chooses not to read it, or he's the most secure, forgiving guy in the world, because if most people read that they'd be crushed to see their spouse disrespect them like that in front of the whole world.
Are you saying that the rule should be "anything goes" regarding things written online, or are you just saying that people should be more liberal regarding things their lovers write online than regarding things said and done in person?
It is also possible to flirt in a way that appears quite serious. Beyond that, it is also possible to post things about one's spouse, or about other people but with ramifications for the relationship, which are blatantly disrespectful.
I am in agreement with those who say that if you wouldn't say it while they are present, in front of friends (what you might say to their face in private is a completely different standard; this is about not not publicly embarassing or disrespecting someone that you claim to care deeply about), you sure as hell shouldn't say it where the whole world can read it and get the wrong idea.