@Bitch: "J242 sorry but you sure sound like him. If you're not him then good, b/c H and J don't need to be reading all this crap and wasting their time with this. I have been to plenty of the parties at the house and have never been charged to get into any of them."

I am most definitely not him and if you had been to the most recent Halloween or Superbowl parties you would have most likely met me and remembered me from things I mentioned like having met my girlfriend in New Orleans while traveling with the groom... As for them not needing to read this, I would agree but it's way past too late for that. They've known for a little while and understandably aren't exactly jumping with joy over this...

"I also gather you are a VIP and that is also why this does not seem so rude to you, since you were not told to bring a bunch of $1's in order to drink/eat/play games."

Wouldn't have mattered to me one bit. I'm still planning on buying one of the infamous hot dogs I've heard so much about and paying for a drink or two like I would at any concert, "rave", fundraiser or other event that I would want to go to. The fact that this happens to be a wedding doesn't change my view of it at all. This is going to be a huge party and I'm accustomed to paying for food, beverage & misc fun that is outside of the "show"...

In a burner way, it's all making retarded sense. But, most burners know that there should be at least one paid photographer and videographer so that there is controlled, complete, coverage while the rest take photos at their leisure.

The VIP thing is still da suck.

And, as for the food cost and cover. If the B&G accept that the cover charge and the food cost is their present (as suggested by the invitation) and expect no more than a $20 check from every guest, then that's fine. Etiquette states that your present is supposed to cover the cost of your plate (plates if you are a +1) of food (at least, which is generally $40 a head), so this is far cheaper.

Making your wedding a festival is OK, as long as you don't expect the gifts that come with a wedding...and just want the cover charge as well as the food charge and the liquor charge.

Having a cash bar really sucks though.

@Joemomma:

"Please, fill us in--how do you operate your business with $0 in overhead?"

Very easily, it's on the side and I've paid off my equipment 5 fold since I bought it just a few short years ago.

"Did $20,000 in camera gear fall out of the sky into your lap? Along with $10,000 in computer, monitor, storage and back up systems?"

Nope, I bought equipment as the need for it arose and my professional gigs for bands, vegas casinos, real estate groups, tech companies and more have more than paid it off so it was only ever money out of pocket for at most a week.

"Where do you get office space for free?"

My home with a dedicated office section. I meet clients at their respective businesses, I would never expect them to come to me.

"Please tell me which company insures you and your equipment for free?"

Again, covered by how much I make, I'm not worried about it because for me to go out and shoot this event doesn't cost me a penny. I'll be there enjoying it, I'll just happen to be viewing a good portion of the night through the lens of my HDR.

"Also, who does your accounting for free?"

I do my own as it's not very difficult as long as you keep track of your expenses & income... Do you honestly think that everyone requires a CPA? I guess the ad firms that handle the tax prep groups have been really effective on you, it's really not hard and only takes me about 6 hours of prep before filing. Sheesh...

"The 12 (min) to 40 (average) hours spent shooting and editing for the greedy, douchey B&G are 12 to 40 hours not spent with paying clients."

I would be there regardless so your point is moot. Also, I work on two or three projects a month if that and I'm sorry but if it takes you or anyone you know 12 to 40 hours to edit down 6 hours of footage and a few hundred photos that's just pathetic. No wonder you expect it to cost so much, the people you deal with don't have a clue what they're doing! I can take a 5 cam rig and have a 45 minute live concert synched, chopped, timed, and the proper 5.1 mux tested & published within 2 days of importing the footage at 6 to 7 hours a day at the most. Before you try to suggest anything about potential quality or whatnot, my high-end clientele have no complaints, nor do their customers/fans/investors and you've probably seen my work and not even realized it. lol

"How does any of this equal free?"

If I want to give them this memory as a present and my coworkers are going to be there as well and also are all onboard to film this then it doesn't cost me even 1 penny to film this and with owning all of my own equipment it doesn't cost me 1 penny to capture, edit, master & produce either expect for the eventual printing/packaging costs which I'll be putting in as it's a gift for the B&G...

@TheBride'sMaid:

"I suggest that we go about enjoying this beautiful day with the amazing friends we have. Lets let the rest of these angry, bitter people with far too much time on their hands, have this posting board to vent their petty frustrations. This is just silliness, in the grand scheme of things, none of this will matter."

You're right, I'm done here. I've said my piece and haters will be haters no matter what is said or how much detail one gives explaining things. Thanks for the quick reality check so I can get back to planning things for this kick-ass upcoming wedding party! Still have to get the costumes wrapped up for my girlfriend and I! ;)

Jesus, the I, Anon forum has so many posts. I think because so many of us have been offended by, or forced to sit through bed weddings it provokes some spirited responses.

TO THE BRIDE AND GROOM: you guys have given plenty of free entertainment at your expense right here on this post and in I, Anonymous. For this, you get a pass. We WILL be watching and said pass will be revoked if this is your birth announcement. I wish you Love & Light for the rest of your time together.

@ j242, where is it written that you give up your seat on the bus for an elderly lady? Where is it written that you don't cut in front of someone in line? Where is it written that you should cover your mouth when you sneeze?

Rules don't have to be written to be real. That's why you're alone and the whole world is against you.

Don't worry about my friends. I didn't charge them to party at my wedding, so they're all cool with me.

Wow! This sounds like an AWESOME wedding! It sounds like the b&g have gone to a lot of effort to make this a damn cool event, for themselves & for all of their friends & family. Wanting guests to help out with the food & drink costs? i really don't see what the big deal is. These are their FRIENDS, who obviously love & appreciate them & are happy to give back.
i'm not sure what universe most of you are living in; but in my world, friends help friends out. i don't know ANYONE who lives by societal norms, etiquette or expectations. We think & do for ourselves. And if my good, kind & generous friends wanted to have an amazing event like this to celebrate their union, not a single person that i know would balk at helping in any way. For me, in the past, that has meant gladly providing free photography, editing & prints for 2 weddings & 2 births. It's what friends DO!
It also sounds like this couple has a very large acquaintance base, hence the need to ask for a contribution from those not invited. And if anyone bothered to read the actual invitation posted here in the comments, what they said was that they did not want gifts, instead, they wanted money for the honeymoon & burning man. That IS the gift.
Again, fuck all this etiquette & "rules", shit. Some people don't care in the slightest about that crap. i say Congratulations to these 2 for planning such an amazing & unconventional experience for their day & for their friends enjoyment.Best of luck...And i hope that you make it to BM. Blessings!

117,

It's also unconventional to ask the bride for a blowjob in the RSVP, but that doesn't make it ok.

TO ALL YOU DEFENDERS OF THIS WEDDING:

GET A FUCKING GRIP. NOONE'S SAYING THE BRIDE AND GROOM ARE BAD PEOPLE, BUT FOR FUCK'S SAKES ADMIT THAT ASKING PEOPLE TO PAY FOR YOUR WEDDING AND HONEYMOON IS VERY FUCKING LAME. IT JUST IS. NOT SAYING YOU ARE LAME.

IF YOU DON'T GET WHY PEOPLE REACT THE WAY THEY DO TO YOUR WEDDING, THEN YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY DILUSIONAL AND ARE PROBABLY SOCIALLY RETARDED.

and think about this for just a second....

your invite was so retarded that someone had to write in to a public paper to show off its unreal bullshit. AND invitees are commenting their own distaste and thinking about not going to your 'wedding'. think about that. step outside yourself for a second and think.

i'm just glad i don't know your self asses. seems you really don't mind using your friends to fund your trips to......burning man? are you fucking kidding me? get help.

@117 - "what they said was that they did not want gifts, instead, they wanted money". Wait, what the fuck. Since when is money not a gift? How is this an argument? Asking for cash is just as tacky as asking for a gift, if not moreso.

Ergh. I don't get what is so freakin' hard about this. Asking for gifts/cash directly (i.e., on an invitation) is tacky. Full stop. Though there is the expectation that in most cases, a gift/money will be given, it is rude to assume that someone's going to do so. There are all kinds of ways to get around this (the most popular nowadays being a wedding website with travel & event information, that also as the couple's registry information listed on it).

I'm acting as a bridesmaid in a wedding next month that lots of people are outraged over. The venue is a cottage that's a 2 hour drive out of town, guests are expected to bring their own food and drinks and TENTS since there isn't enough room for everyone (150+ guests) to sleep in the cottage. The couple also had a "stag and doe" (a pre-wedding fundraiser where people pay to play games and buy drinks) a couple of months ago.

So yeah, a lot of friends think their idea for a wedding is extremely tacky. I personally don't think your wedding should ask as much of people as they are asking of their guests. That being said, if you don't want to go to the wedding, you don't have to go. I don't see the point in being morally outraged. The couple didn't actually DO anything to anyone, other than send out invitations to a wedding that people can either choose to attend or not.

I think the big mistake the bride and groom made here was calling their 'event' a wedding. If you are going a non-traditional route, take a lesson from the fags and lesbos and call it something else. That way you can avoid all of the emotional/historical baggage and expectations that come with the words 'marriage' and 'wedding' - and you can strike out and do your own thing.

That said, I agree with the posters who toss away wedding invitations for cash bar weddings, gift required engagement parties, or stag parties that require a major cash outlay. If someone is having a 'traditional' marriage then the booze needs to come as part of the package.

In my twenties I went to every crappy wedding, stag party and engagement party I was invited to out of some sense of social obligation, even though cash was very tight for me at the time. It has pretty much turned me against the institution of marriage in a big way. Not only was I expected to travel long distances and buy gifts for all of these weddings, most of these couples never bothered to return the favour when my partner and I formalised our domestic partnership a few years later. I was often seated out in Siberia, with the third-cousins and work colleagues of the bride and groom, and was usually at the last table for the buffet that was intentionally under-stocked to save cash. Then, on top of it, I have to pay more for a glass of bad wine than I would in a bar. In defence of some of the posters, so many of us have had so many experiences like this, how can we not get annoyed to receive an invitation to a 'wedding' like this.

Seriously - if you are having a 'wedding' then treat your guests right, or scale it back or don't do it at all. This sounds more like a 'celebration' or 'kick ass party that happens to relate to our marriage' or whatever - perhaps you should have called it that. That said, it sounds like it might be a fun party. Good luck putting it together.

I'm hoping that everyone who's commented here knows about the
follow up Slog post. Some stranger writers are going to be writing up the wedding for a Party Crasher column!

This will be amazing. Prepare to be amazed.

@127 You're wrong in that the couple DID do something to every one of their non-VIP attendees: they made sure they knew they were not part of the inner circle. What's more, is most couples are hurt, or pass judgement on people, if you don't make it to the wedding.

Your friends are amazingly greedy. Really. Having a pre-wedding fundraiser AND a BYOEverything, including lodging, destination wedding where they also expect presents. Unless they are the poorest friends in your circle, I'd be rightously pissed at their arrogance.

But, that's just me.

@ 127, what @ 130 said.

Here's a clue to people like you and j242. When you go through life, every now and then you piss people off. So how do you know whether you're really being an asshole?

Well, if only one or two people are mad, then it's probably their problem. But when LOTS and LOTS of people are pissed at your actions, that's a very good sign that you're the asshole, even if you have a few people sticking up for you.

@130

Pre-wedding fundraisers (or stag and does) are actually really common where I grew up -- most people have them. My husband and I didn't have one when we got married because we didn't feel like we needed one.

Also, when I said the couple really didn't do anything to anyone, I was talking about the couple whose wedding I'm attending. But you could argue that when you ask certain friends to stand up as your attendants in a typical wedding, you're inviting them to be part of an "inner circle" that all your other friends are excluded from. Most people don't feel that way though because they're so used to that tradition.

@131 I don't think the couple I'm talking about knows that lots of people are pissed off at them because nobody has confronted them. The people choosing not to come to the wedding have just bit their tongues and made excuses, but remained friendly toward them.

@132 Where you grew up, do people have both fundraisers AND BYOEverything weddings?

Also, that people are just biting their tongues while being pissed shows how honest and good your friends are.

As someone who knows the Bride (and Groom) personally and will be attending the wedding, all of you speculating on what kind of person she is when you don't fucking know her, you people and your disgusting disrespectful bullshit are what I find tacky. It's not your fucking wedding. Yes it is a party, a party in which $20 was "humbly requested" (as it says on the fucking invitation), not required IF YOU HAVE AN INVITATION! It also says that they DO NOT HAVE A WEDDING REGISTRY and do not want gifts, you fucking tools. So no it wont be "Did you put your $20 in the wedding box?" It will be a heartfelt thank you, as that's just the kind of person she is.

And yes she is very cool with having people that she doesn't know at her reception, because she's used to her friends bringing everyone and their brother to her parties, eating all of their food, drinking all of their booze, sleeping on their couches, never staying to help clean up, etc. Also, this is going to be at a public venue. So if some random person comes to the door and wants to hear the music, play the games, see the entertainment, eat the food and imbibe the alcohol that the B&G spent a lot of time and energy organizing so their friends and family can have a good time, yes they pay $20. But they still get to be a part of it.

As for the VIP room, there are several dozen people invited to this wedding, so to have a special area for the B&G's family, close friends, and the rest of the wedding party is not tacky to me at all, as I've been to several "traditional" weddings in which the wedding party has a closed off room, just for them. Paying for food and games I don't mind because those profits DONT GO TO THE B&G. They go to the people they are hiring to run the games and food vendors.

I'm sure I'll just be blasted as another ass-kissing just-as-tacky wedding guest. Go ahead. I'm still going to see two people who mean the world to me committing themselves to each other. And I'm going to pay my $20 and then some, because this couple has done more for complete strangers than Anonymous would be likely to do for them. Obviously.

Anon, if you were really that upset with everything, from the font to the REQUESTED $20, then you should have just called the B&G. Then all of this bullshit would not have happened, and you wouldn't be labeled as a coward and wedding-ruining bitch. Seriously, if you feel that you can't call people who consider you close enough to invite you to their wedding, then you probably should not have been invited in the first place. If you don't like the ideas of the wedding to the point that you're going to anonymously bitch to a local newspaper, how do you have the nerve to call them tacky? And did you really think it would be that hard to figure out who you are? Go fuck yourself, you fucking cunt.

@ 133

Nope, where I grew up, most couples don't have BYOeverything weddings. For this wedding, however, the bride and groom also specifically asked people not to bring any gifts, which also hasn't been the case with most weddings I've been to.

And my friends would be better people if they confronted the couple and bitched them out about how tacky they think the wedding is? Easier said than done, as "Anon" has shown us.

@wtfkd

Okay so let me get this straight. You obviously don't really know them, and even though they were nice enough to send you an invite to their special day, a request for 20 bucks that you are not required to give if you don't want to is pissing you off? You know, maybe it was a mistake to invite you if you're really going to act this shitty towards them.

Oh dear, you'd have to read a name on an invitation. How taxing to read their names and find a way to contact them to let them know you have an issue with something they are doing. Again, obviously you don't know them very well if a fucking email is too much for you.

And for the record, I consider the terms "bitch" and "cunt" gender non-specific when one has acted in such a bitchy cunt-like manner.

I really don't give a damn if you're jealous or not. You have some serious issues with yourself if you feel the need to shit all over a day that many people have put/are putting a hell of a lot of effort into because you couldn't read an invitation properly or contact someone who considered you enough of a friend to be there for their nuptials. I don't care how tacky you think they or their wedding ideas are, you obviously did not get the whole picture, nor did you even try. Therefore you're not just a fucking moron, but because you posted this in a local paper, knowing that the Bride and Groom, not to mention all of the guests, might read it makes you just plain hateful, cruel, overdramatic, and undeserving of having them in your life. Really, I mean, at least have some tact if not some fucking grey matter.

My sister had some kick-ass stuff she was going to do at her wedding, but when she realized she couldn't afford it, she dropped it from the plans, rather than ask guests to foot the cost, because "guests" implies that you're being provided for. "Customers" are the ones who pay.

I'm so glad I don't have young friends. It's so much more pleasant to deal with people who understand social norms.

I don't care how "kick ass" and "generous" the bride and groom have been before--if this one-of-a-kind event is what they want to do for their wedding, then they should hold off for a few years while they save up the money to do it.

And if all of you vociferous supporters think they're so damned wonderful, why don't you just give them the money up front so they don't have to charge everyone?

One of you supporters said that the bride was "fine" with having people crash at her place after parties and then have them leave without cleaning up. Those people aren't friends--why would you invite them to a wedding? I guess that's really the key here--the bride & groom have "friends" who use them, so they feel free to use their friends in return. I'm glad I'm too old for this type of "friendship" to be the norm in my social circles.

It's rude in every civilized society to ask people to pay to attend your private party. It is not a commercial event, it is a private one. Asking for money makes it a fund raiser, not a celebration, no matter how "kick ass" and "awesome" it's going to be.

They may be very nice people and generous in other ways and at other times, but they are clueless in this case. If you can't afford to host it, then you can't truly consider it a party.

Shame on Seattle? I don't think so! This wedding is tacky and clearly violates societal norms and basic etiquette. What I don't get is the defensive stance of the bride and groom and their defenders...if you are all unique snowflakes marching to your own beat why do you care when society ridicules you for violating its norms? If you don't care about social norms then why care about social criticism?

this shit here ..ummmm ...fascinates me..

@LTPB It is not a basic civil right to be able to ask for money at a wedding without ridicule so let us not go there.

Yes, Miss Manners frowns upon correcting people in public but she would also frown on such an invitation as was issued here.

As for etiquette rules, yes I have been known to break them but I don't cry unfair when I get called on it. I can wear booty shorts and a bikini top to a funeral if I wanted to but I'd better expect to get some commentary.

I thought the purpose of a wedding was to invite friends and family to celebrate your special day. That being the case, why would you deliberately plan an event that seems especially designed to drive people away?

I quote: "Secondly, this is a large scale event, not some shitty little boring ceremony where you are all waiting to be able to start drinking once the wedding is over and the party begins. There is live music, fire jugglers, flame swallowers, acrobats, circus freaks, and a lot more. This is an event not unlike Jim Rose's sideshow and there just happens to be a wedding smack dab in the middle of it as far as any guests (who aren't the bride & groom's close friends) are concerned."

Lots of weddings have live music, but the rest of it? And vendors all over the place trying to sell you stuff? I'm all for thinking outside the box and being nontraditional but how about being nontraditional in ways that are actually inviting to people? How can you make your friends feel like they are sharing a special occasion with you when you put on a freak show and let in random people who pay an entry fee? Yes you have the right to do anything you want for your wedding but you also have to realize that guests have the right to decline your invitation. Do you want strangers to celebrate with you or friends? Obviously you have at least one friend who is likely not going to attend because you don't know the difference between a wedding and a highly commercialized freak show.

I know if someone invited me to something like this, I'd have to decline. Just thinking about a train wreck of an event like that gives me a headache. (And btw, not everyone even LIKES circuses!)

@ Diagoras

Really? Because a vast majority of the wedding guests have since the publication of the IA been sending a massive outpouring of support, love, and great excitement of the coming festivities, including their families. Hell the circus/carnival/freakshow aspect is what guests are so excited to see, as it's not a normal wedding reception. And those that have the sense to call if they are confused don't mind giving a small cash gift to people they care about.

These invitations have been out for almost two months. Anon had plenty of time to air this shit out, and to choose three weeks before the wedding is bullshit. Even worse this person is getting their panties all in a bunch over an event they were invited to by people they claim to barely know. So why not just not say anything and skip it instead of acting like an asshole?

@penguin

It's not your wedding. So how about you leave your snarky comments about "proper wedding etiquette" at the door. You don't know what the actual ceremony is actually going to be like, you don't know these people. As stated earlier most of the invited guests are still planning on going. They've known about the requested cash gift for a while now, and I don't hear any of them bitching or moaning behind a local paper. I'm sad to hear that others are changing their RSVPs this late in the game based on a rant that took everything about this wedding and the invitations out of context by someone who was invited despite their clear vindictiveness and lack of courtesy towards the bride and groom. All of this is a huge misunderstanding that could have easily been cleared up had someone had the testicles to just ask a freaking question.

This is not a wedding, it is a commercial festival to which anyone with a spare $20 is admitted. The ceremony is merely the hook to guarantee minimum attendance.

Had the happy couple wished for a blowout AND a honeymoon AND a free trip to Burning Man, they could have saved, held honestly for-profit raves or sold lemonade on the sidewalk. Milking family and friends to cover their exorbitant luxuries in the guise of helping them celebrate their special day displays both enormous self-centeredness and a depressing lack of creativity. They can't be very artistic, alternative types if their best idea for paying for a wedding is calling any member of the public who pays at the door a close enough associate to be invited to their wedding ceremony.

Performers of all sorts have gotten married for centuries; they do not get a free pass from the rules that others keep merely because they like to live large. Etiquette exists to protect the feelings of others by establishing social norms and expectations. There needs to be a good reason to break such conventions, or at least an understanding that the results will not be pretty and a willingness to brave the resulting shitstorm. The fact that they clearly did not expect such negative reaction only reinforces the impression they give as completely oblivious narcissists.

I would regard the invitation to this party with the same eye I would cast on a flyer to any other cash-based event. If I want to spend money I could use to fund my own art projects on attending a 1990s-era San Francisco circus, I will go and drop a twenty in the box. Otherwise, I will wait for an invitation from the next happy couple of my acquaintance who treats me like a valued friend and not a profit center.

Sounds like a couple of selfish, egotistical, megalomaniacal assholes. So they deserve each other, but I give this marriage a shelf life of about six months.

My wedding was at the courthouse, with only immediate family and a couple of friends present. And it was still a huge event, inasmuch as it was a public statement of our lifelong commitment to each other.

If I ever do feel the need to throw a massive party, I'll pay for it myself. These people are confusing the roles of "couple in love" and "event promoters". If I lived in Seattle, I would seriously try to find this ridiculous event just so I could projectile vomit on the bride and groom just before they could say "I do (want all my friends' money)"

Love: UR DOING IT WRONG.

After reading the invitation, if I knew and loved this couple I would have no problem plunking down a $20 donation instead of a gift to go to a kickass party and be witness to a fun wedding. I mean, if they were my friends and had gone to all the effort to plan something spectacular, why not support them? I think it's a better show of love to throw them a few bones for their honeymoon than to get them a wok or a toaster. This clearly is not your traditional wedding, so I think it's a-okay that they are not playing by "the rules." If you don't agree, and it offends your delicates sensibilities, then don't go. I'm sure the couple and the guests who understand the intent behind the event will have a kickass time whether you're there or not.

Proverbs 10:13 - If you have good sense, it will show when you speak. But if you are stupid, you will be beaten with a stick.

Your wedding is an "event"? I was under the impression than an "event", such as a concert, a play, or carnival, was a production in which patrons paid for entertainment. Isn't a wedding (and the reception) supposed to be a celebration of the couple's future together? I know that in recent years the trend for weddings has leaned toward putting on a huge, elaborate drama with the bride as the star of the show, but this is ridiculous. You aren't having a wedding, you're having an event you're charging people for? This is the nadir of bad taste. Congratulations, Bride-and-Groom-zilla, you have achieved the depths of tastelessness. Really, truly you have.

..people keep asking me if my marriage to my husband is legal. and i'm still saying 'no'.

Man, what a fucked-up wedding that must've been. I now pronounce you event manager and scalper!

To all those horrified by the sheer tasteless gall of the bridal couple: From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU!
Reading the comments, it's easy to see that the shocked among us are from a very broad spectrum of places, traditions and current cultural affiliations and I am absolutely delighted to see that the basic concepts of hospitality span all these diverse perspectives.
The barbarians may be at the gate but at least some of us are not prepared to invite them in... even if they will pay a $20 cover charge.

Shadowblind, you just contradicted yourself. You told me: "Really? Because a vast majority of the wedding guests have since the publication of the IA been sending a massive outpouring of support, love, and great excitement of the coming festivities, including their families."

And then in the same post you went on to tell Penguin that some people are changing their RSVPs because of a "misunderstanding" that could have been cleared up if people had just asked about it. But the couple getting married is responsible for effectively communicating information in the wedding invitation. If people need to ask questions to avoid confusion, then you failed to communicate properly in your wedding invitations.

Most likely people replied to the RSVP initially out of obligation, but now that the date is drawing nearer they realize that they don't really want to attend a highly commercialized freak show. And there's no guarantee that people who RSVP will show up. And even if they show up, with the huge crowd and noise and stressful carnival atmosphere, I doubt most people over the age of 16 will want to stay very long. Why not plan something that people can actually enjoy instead of something guaranteed to induce a headache? Does any adult really like circuses? Isn't that only something we feel obligated to take the kids to in order to say we've done it?

Burning man sounds kinda cool.

That said, every single person I have met that identifies themselves as a "burner" is, without fail, such a child-like narcissist that it's mind-boggling.

Here here!

Sick and tired of these Bridezilla/Groomzilla/Momzilla types who simply don't understand: their most important day is NOT the world's most important day and should adjust accordingly.

They will soon be raffling off the right to name their first-born child. Those who buy the most tickets will be able to watch the baby actually get squeezed out live and up close, and photos will be sold in the waiting area at $20 a pop. Show your support, buy the "True Friend" package and save!

I don't care one way or the other about the bride, the groom, their friends, their enemies, or their frenemies. However, if I have to hear, read, interpret in American Sign Language, or have communicated to me by any other means the words "THE/THEIR SPECIAL DAY", I will make a vow to spend the rest of my life hunting down the people who use this phrase and washing their mealy little mouths out with soap. I've found that the people who use this term feel that it's a bride's right to be a fairy princess on her wedding day, no expense should be spared to make her feel like the afore-mentioned fairy princess, and any amount of bad behavior should be tolerated in pursuit of a state of princess-ness. Because, you know, it's her SPECIAL FUCKING DAY! Wedding ceremonies are nothing more than two people dressing up in ridiculous costumes and reciting a legal agreement framed in Hallmarkese to each other in front of everyone they know. Please let the cult of the SPECIAL DAY end soon!

OH MY ILLITERATE FUCKING GOD. Can you people not tell by now??? Have you no reading comprehension skills? Burners have different social standards and ideals than the rest of you. This couple's friends (minus one douchey person who was such a good "friend" they wrote I-Anon instead of the couple) are happy to pay for a giant entertainment event at which said couple plans to marry.

No, this is not how weddings normally are. This is not a normal wedding. This is not a normal couple. THERE'S NOTHING NORMAL ABOUT THIS. So what? SO WHAT?!?! GET OVER IT!

@181: Since I am a burner I'm going to go ahead and call bullshit on "the burners you know" being disgusted by a large scale entertainment event funded by the participants. Where people happen to get married. Like, oh say...Burning Man? Weddings happen there every year, and often involve people's families making the long hard trek down there for the wedding. Tickets to Burning Man range from $200-$400. It's not a "humbly requested donation",either, it's a fixed price.

Do you have any idea how much money we spend to get ourselves to and throw an event like Burning Man every year? Burning Man is a HUGE cash generating machine!!! We're talking millions and millions of dollars here, pal. There's a reason why half the participants are between the ages of 31-40.

Seriously, you don't understand the nature of this event because it's taken *completely* out of context here. You aren't qualified to be a judge of these people or their situation, but what's staggering is that you (and so many others, apparently) feel the need to judge in the first place.

Get a life?

@shadowblind, j242, et al...

I'd just like to point out that the shit-storm created by the original IA was multiplied by the bride's letter & your continuing posts to defend her/them/the wedding. If you feel that the wedding, b/g are being attacked, well, it's because you feel that way & chose not to take the high road. A strong, un-conventional community can withstand the attacks of others if it believes in itself & its goals. If you feel the need to reach out to strangers to justify yourself, I begin to doubt your own belief in yourself & your friends. I think that public perception is far more important to you than supporting your friends.

I mean, please-- The SLOG is _not_ "all of Seattle," no matter how much it wishes it were!

If you truly believe that the wedding is going to a glorious celebration of love, community, joy, togetherness, support, blah blah blah, then no snarky IA's could ever change that. Unless, of course, you value the perception of strangers far more than you value your own. Which seems to be the case, judging from your many defensive posts, thereby adding lots of fresh energy to the shit-storm.

Also, if the bride has hosted *lots* of parties where the guests walk all over her, then the problem rests w/ the bride. Fool me once & all that.

To Some Old Nobody, I haven't posted in quite a while but I simply have to pop in and respond to this:

"If you feel the need to reach out to strangers to justify yourself, I begin to doubt your own belief in yourself & your friends. I think that public perception is far more important to you than supporting your friends. "

No, what's important to me is that a bunch of anonymous haters are verbally shitting all over an event that you have nothing but ignorant assumptions about. This is an important event to all directly involved in it (Obviously I anon is not involved seeing as the B&G have been discussing this with their friends & families and actively planning it for a year now so no detail should come as any surprise and there shouldn't be any confusion on the guest list concept) and all of our large group of friends who are more than happy to give $20 to help our friends have a great honeymoon & burn. See, rather than give some tacky kitchen appliance or whatnot, in our circle we prefer experiences. For a variety of events from birthdays to holidays, we give each other great experiences like traveling, hosting a party, going out camping, etc, etc, etc. It's far more meaningful than some tangible item that anyone can get for themselves at any time. That's how we do things, if that's not your thing, that's fine. We're not coming out trashing you for buying shitty gifts for people on events now are we? Of course not, you can celebrate events however you want and so can the B&G...

You and the other haters can continue hating all you like, I certainly can't change any of your minds, nor am I going to try to as your your self-righteous "holier than thou" opinions are so thick nothing would get through even if we were to try.

To sum it all up, you have no right whatsoever to be offended or even speak about the event being held by complete strangers which you are not even invited to in the first place. You and the rest of the haters are basically doing nothing more than spewing inane and hateful rhetoric at complete strangers and for what? Does it make you feel better about yourself? Does it make you feel witty or clever to bash on a loving couple's event which over a hundred people are eagerly anticipating and are more than happy with the way it's set up? Well good for you...

" Unless, of course, you value the perception of strangers far more than you value your own. Which seems to be the case, judging from your many defensive posts, thereby adding lots of fresh energy to the shit-storm."

Again, the last time I posted was when? 5 days ago? So sorry that I take offense to douchebags slamming good friends of mine and their attempt to have a great time with their friends and family. Let us know when you try to do something so we can all come out and completely bash everything you do and see how you like it. Basically I'm just calling you and the rest of the bad-mouthers out for what you are, a bunch of classless pricks who have nothing better to do than to try and demean others based on one jerks opinion of an event. Oh, but then you try to justify it by saying it's US, the B&G's friends who are causing all of the problems. Wow, that's laughable considering the negativity was spewing well before myself or anyone else I know came on here in the first place.

Get a hobby or something and stop wasting everyone's time talking shit about people you don't even know throwing an event that you aren't even invited to. Seriously, do realize how pathetic you and your ilk are? You're almost as bad as the fucking $cientologists...

I was wondering when that J242 guy was going get back into it, he's hilarious and so easy to get wound up.... best to the married couple btw, with however they wish to celebrate their wedding vows.

@ 183: "If you feel the need to reach out to strangers to justify yourself, I begin to doubt your own belief in yourself & your friends. I think that public perception is far more important to you than supporting your friends. "

The irony of posting this in your own "reaching out to strangers" comment is lost on you?

@ All: This whole thing is now about as lame as discussing what happens to contestants on "reality shows" like they're close friends.

Holy fuck, how meaningless.

You know, bride and groom and vigilant friends, seriously why do you care? None of us know you from Adam's housecat. We're not going to your wedding, we'll never meet you, and if you all had just bitched to each other about how could one of your guests, guess what? We'd all have long since forgotten about you. Instead, you can't STAND the thought of someone thinking negatively about you, your wedding, your lifestyle. Kind of ironic, given that you lead a lifestyle that purports to "not care" what other people think. You seem to care a whole hell of a lot what other people whom you've never met think about what you're doing, which is ironic given your etiquette gaffs. I'm not even going to lecture you on manners, because it's obvious you don't have any.

And no, letting other people walk all over you does not allow you to be an asshole at a later date. You let people take advantage of you, and it obviously bothered you, but you didn't set limits then. But you decided that you were "owed" for your wedding. Classy. No one is owed a huge wedding reception. People elope... people have potlucks and are fine with it. You are no better than the princess brides that demand Vera Wang, French service and signature cocktails. Actually, you're probably more of an asshole than Betheny Frankel, despite how alternative and entertaining your event may be.

You could have never commented at all, and guess what? Your event would have still happened, and the people willing to put up with your bullshit would have lined up at the door.

Just seems to me given how unconventional this wedding is, the people involved have awfully thin skins. One (or more) of your guests thinks the thing is in bad taste, and suddenly the whole thing is ruined. Jesus.... good luck with parenting, or getting a job, or doing anything where you might get critical feedback or interact with other human beings. Maybe you've been able to surround yourself with syncophants, but that ain't generally how the rest of us roll. And like someone said, ain't like they can bring anything directly to you... look how you react.

What's funnier than anything else is that said "freakshow" wedding is now, more or less, a public event.

Oh, didn't mention that yet, did they? If you were paying attention to large scale places in the Seattle area to hold events where such an industrial-style event might be able to take place, It happens to be right smack in the middle of a Magnificent Park...and in a week's time.

For $20, you too can go to this Saturday Evening affair with Midgets and Freaks and Wedding. Because at this point, this whole event is little more than a dinner and show. Oh, and did I mention the cheap bottom-shelf liquor that will be served by a coterie of people well-versed in pouring short?

And to the persons chanting and ranting about how much Burners have different social ideals than the rest of society: eat a giant bag of infected pusmonkey dicks. I'm a Burner and I consider the ten principles to be common sense rules of human living, not some set of behavioral superiority guidelines.

Seriously, people, those who are out there chanting, "Burners are sooooo evolved!" are usually the ones who are excusing the fact that they went off, humped fifteen different people in a silver dome and got a cold sore or ten.

I am an eight-year Burner, and every time some douchewad trots out "Burners do it better than you do, we're so spiritually and environmentally and emotionally and creatively different from X, Y, and Z" I want to shove their sanctimoniously pretentious faces into their own dust-filled asses.

Burners are everywhere, and THIS Burner is having a wedding too. But he's marrying a Burner who wants a quiet, family and friends wedding that we're paying for. We're asking for the gift of presence of our family and friends to share a celebration. We have photographers we're paying very well to take pictures of us and our wedding.

We're feeding people. We're getting a cake. And *gasp* we also will be having Burners perform at the wedding.

And here's the other shock - we're not charging ANYONE. I know, crazy, right?

So to the people who are chanting, "Burner weddings are TOTALLY DIFFERENT" - seriously. Get the fuck over yourselves. Take all the behaviors you've seen in this thread and in the event itself and put it to the "traditional" wedding setup, and you see selfish people with a very greedy self-involved, tacky wedding.

I already made a bet that the parties involved are going to be divorced in a few months - probably AFTER they get back from Burning Man and the groom gets caught humping the leg of a transvestite from New York by the trash fence.

Being a Burner does not give you a license to act like a douchewad.

Oh, one other thing? I'd go pay $20 to act like an entitled douchewad at a wedding that the hosts were stupid enough to pass to the public realm.

I'm just shocked nobody leaked the deets to the SLOG yet.

I met a crowd of 'Burning Man' types once and came away thinking, "Where are those nerve gas throwing Japanese doomsday cultists when we need them?"

As for this wedding, I think the appropriate response would be to tell the B&G, to their faces, how hideously tasteless, crass, low-class and offensive their arrangements are.

People in their state generally do not take hints well, or at all. More direct communication is called for.

That, or the nerve gas..

To Malachi: May you and your intended share long years, great joy and small troubles and may your wedding NOT be the "happiest day of your life" but the first of many.

...before they could say "I do (want all my friends' money)

LTR, that's the best line in this entire thread. Well done. :)

Sorry, one more...

"And no, letting other people walk all over you
does not allow you to be an asshole at a later date. You let people take advantage of you, and it obviously bothered you, but you didn't set limits then. But you decided that you were "owed" for your wedding. Classy."

Minny, your entire post was a +5 Mace of Truth, but that's the key part right there.

I'd say we're looking at what happens when people fail to observe (or even have) a sense of personal and social boundaries. They don't, or can't, say "No" to others or even to themselves.

(Posted this on the slog thread as well)
I've been following this kerfuffle for some time now on both threads, and as a Burner must weigh in. No one objects to the theme of their wedding or the type or variety of the entertainment provided, or will, one imagines object to the undoubtedly unique self written vows they will exchange. I certainly take no issue with their culture or lifestyle, because remember, I too have seen the Man burn more than once and, as corny as it may sound, it changed my life. What is objectionable is asking people to pay for the privilege of attending a private event. And it doesn't matter if the people asked don't mind. That's not the point. The point is asking for money, or gifts for that matter, from your guests is appalling. It is crass. It is insulting. Doubly so by virtue of the VIP tent, the inhabitants of which are the only true guests at this wedding. Every one else is a customer.

To #197- It's not different and the "Destination Wedding" is among the most selfish things a couple can plan when they know that the resources of the people who care about them are not without limit.
The exception is when the bridal couple and the assorted family and friends are far flung- Then it becomes reasonable to plan a wedding in a location more or less central to everyone or which features great flight and room packages (Vegas, Reno and Orlando, to name a few)but to plan a lavish "event" in an exotic locale is to try to have your cake and eat it, too (literally) by taking the best aspects of eloping while still demanding the pomp and fuss of the more traditional arrangement.

What is she going to do when she get's knocked up? I wonder...Oh wait she can't because she has problems with her uterus. Do you even know the bride? And yeah you have to pay $20 if you are a guest of a guest, and weren't originally on the guest list. Meaning they don't know who you are. Oh and anonymous, no one said you had to come.

I agree with the person who said this was the best IA ever. This whole thread plus the SLOG comments just used up about 2 hours of my time. Time well spent, methinks.
I'm excited to read the Party Crasher story..God,it's going to be great!!

A word about Destination Weddings:

A "loaded" family wanting one of these should pony up for the travel expenses for relatives and close friends... or call the whole thing off and have a normal wedding.

If you're rich (bored, vain, pompous) enough to want your darling daughter married on Easter Island or some goddamned place and you have the wherewithal to actually make it happen, you're certainly in a position to spring for some airplane tickets.

Yeah 201, it's also rich that he describes other weddings as "some shitty little boring ceremony."

Ya know, J242, people don't go to a wedding primarily because the entertainment's awesome. They go to support people they genuinely care about who are making a commitment to each other.