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good sex is usually hot and sticky
Other than that, I'd say that sweet food + sex barely registers as kinky any more and I doubt many new partners would bat an eye at it -- it's on par with using a silk blindfold. After a few times, they'll notice a pattern and you can 'fess up and make light of it. Just make sure if you sleep with women that you don't ever let any syrup get inside her pussy (she'll get an infection) and you're golden.
Please see the recipe for the Special Management Diet Prison Loaf at http://www.npr.org/programs/wesat/featur…
Please see the prize-winning vegan cupcakes at http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/09/06…
Beans, rice, and some sort of baby formula cooked into gruel would probably work.
And I eat quite well, thank you very much.
After all, burning candles doesn't exactly count as a kink; it might even score him some romance points early on in the relationship, and then he can add more explanation as they get more comfortable with each other.
I'm a long time reader (over 10 years!) and I usually think that your advice is spot-on. However, the vegan comment was uncalled for. While I agree that vegetarian restaurants used to produce nothing short of flavorless gruel (some 20 odd years ago), vegan food has made huge strides since then. I dare you to take your husband out for a nice meal at Millennium next time you're in San Francisco :)
For the slop letter, I think the food replacement category is a great place to start. In addition to the Ensure and baby formula suggestions, stuff like Slim Fast and Boost would probably also work, provided it tastes as awful to you as it does to me. Maybe you could get creative and mash up some gross-tasting protein bars into it. If you're making it in a blender, you could even grind in vitamin pills as needed, add some of those flavorless fruit/vegetable supplement pills, and you'd be good to go. I'm starting to imagine that white mash from The Matrix that supposedly contains "everything the body needs."
If all that stuff is too expensive, an alternative would be to google "superfoods" and get creative with your combinations. Because while most superfoods are pretty good independently, they sound mostly disgusting if imagined mashed together:
Dan, often times the vegan or vegetarian dishes are as good or better than any other offering.
Other vegans' opinions aren't your responsibility.
Plus, vegan food would make a good slave slop because meat goes rancid too quickly.
To AIASP, grow up a bit and learn; it's his choice if he wants to speak out against your disgraceful harrassment. In case you missed out on your women's studies, according to Robin Morgan, rape exists anytime intercourse takes place when it has not been initiated by the womon out of her own genuine affection and desire.
Personally, I think your thoughts around whether you should move out are associated with wanting to stop the toe-curling squirming, so this is just self-justification with nominally noble and PC rationalisation.
To ORGASM, I wonder if you want more choices, whether you could associate other smells/triggers. The way you could work this is to practice adding other stuff (e.g. vanilla) to the regular syrup smell. Then reduce the syrup till you've got a brand new - and possibly easier to arrange - trigger.
Humans need animal proteins to stay healthy. Being a strict vegan means either being constantly ill or constantly taking dietary supplements. I've seen this in far too many people.
Meat just happens to be more convenient for most because it requires less preparation if you are into traditional meal.
That aside, it was a joke people, lighten up for chrissakes.
SFTSLAFI I don't kow the iPhone but I know the iPod Touch. If you can freely upload music to your iPhone I'm guessing you can probably freely upload videos, in the proper format.
So here's what you do. You download porn onto your computer. You then slog (ejem) through a tutorial on how to convert the video. There are various pages out there that can explain the proper video formats and there is free video conversion software. Here are a few quick links:
I hope you have a decent computer, because video conversion is a bit of a pain that tends to monopolize resources. When I was more into it I used to leave it going at night. Good luck!
Vegans deserve to be ridiculed, this from a land scaper with a green house! I've often wondered if vegans taste good, and that's not an oral sex reference. My wife was a vegetarian when we met and the first thing I asked her about it was you're not one of those vegan people are you? She wasn't and I tolerated vegetarian meals she was sweet enough to feed me. I wouldn't want to live w/o enslaving holstein's and guernsey's and enjoying cheese! Hare Krishnas even eat cheese and other milk products too.
On a completely different note: I'm curious how many other posters have ever had success with reversing a trend of increasingly bad sexual chemistry with a partner? I'm engaged to someone and while it's never been great, there was a bit of a spark at the beginning - enough to persuade me that we just needed to get to know each other's bodies better. Instead, it's gotten progressively worse and feels "tone deaf". Yes, before you ask: I have tried to communicate about it, subtly at first and finally, much more directly.
I'm about ready to break things off based on this alone - and truly, the rest seems pretty darn good. I have been in an LTR with bad sex before, and it didn't get better. I feel like you've either got it or you don't. I'm a considerate partner, and really try to get her off, but I am losing my own arousal and not getting off.
2) The vegan comment sucked. Vegan food is more inventive/innovative by far, by necessity, and improving daily. BTW, I am a vegan, middle-aged, with a much better body than most teenagers or 20-girls -- without trying.
3) Interesting and funny that the vegan comment should stir up so much. But it's the 1st time I'm commenting.
I think if you need to overhaul/manage your dietary habits in order to be in shape (as you're implying), that counts as "trying." Also, I'm sick of women equating "nice body" with "healthiness." You can be as thin as a stick and be incredibly out of shape (as my mom still is and I once was ... now I'm fat as well as out of shape).
SSF: Congee? I love congee, but it can made terribly bland if need be.
You sound like you feel guilty, but have not given us the (juicy) details of your guilt!
Ok, so I'm just pruriently curious...
and it sounds like your roomie is an adult who is capable of saying 'no' if he wants to... so... did he?
Also, because many vegans are very health-conscious vegan food does tend to be highly nutritious, just as our Slave asked for.
Also, it has something for everyone.
To ORGASM-- A saucier of maple syrup on a hot plate in the bedroom should raise no objections.
I mean, it's not like you're using an offensive smell such as vomit, feces, or Jovan.
1) a lot of Vegan/vegetarian food does taste awful. Seriously. Have you ever been to the Naam in Vancouver, BC? Possibly one of the worst dining experiences I've ever had. (three words: chocolate robitussin cake).
2) Vegans probably wouldn't be upset if they weren't made the butt of every fucking lazy writer's dietary joke regimen.
In short: yes, vegans need to lighten up a bit. Alternatively, writers need to come up with something more clever than "hur hur, it's funny cuz dey don't eat meatz!"
That said, I'm not sure what "really try to get her off" means. Is she having an orgasm? Do you know? Does she know how to orgasm? Sounds like neither of you is coming, which is for sure a major sign of something wrong. If you've tried communicating explicitly about this, and that didn't help, then yeah, end this relationship so you can both go find someone you click with, in bed as well as out.
Going to repeat myself here (but hey the letter is a repeat SLLOTD, so one repeat deserves another)...
So, your behavior did not reflect "active consent," eh? In other words, you didn't "consent" to your own actions? Is it dawning on you yet how batshit crazy that sounds?
I hope your Womyns' Studies teacher makes you do a remedial essay to sort out your concepts.
What you did is, you got drunk enough to do something that you regret the following morning. You don't get to wriggle out of responsibility for your own actions by claiming to be too drunk to consent to your own stupid ideas. Of course you consented -- you initiated, and you followed through.
Unless someone has implanted a chip in your spinal column and is running you by remote control, you actively consented to whatever happened that night by actively pursuing it. You're the one who approached the roommate in the first place, you are the one who used a bogus excuse to get into his bed. You were sober enough to figure out that scheme and run it past the roommate. You are 100 percent as responsible as the drunk who "consents" to get behind the wheel and run his car into a building.
The person about whom "active consent" is a legitimate concern is the one on the receiving end of your actions. You should not be questioning whether your own behavior reflected active consent on your part with respect to your own actions; you should be worrying about whether HIS behavior reflected active consent to what you proposed.
Now, having said all that, Dan is right about the big picture. Relax, already. Your roommate is a big boy, and he can take care of himself. From his perspective, all you did was ask to fuck him. He's probably more disappointed that you decided to freak out over it and disavow everything the following morning.
As far as daydreaming about it, but never daring to try that while sober goes: why not? What exactly is so bad about roommates with benefits?
Why do they call it "PMS?" Because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken.
theres a condition where your sweat smells like maple syrup... just sayin...
Try the Army's MRE (Meal, Ready to Eat). Chock full of calories, bland as sand, and they come with a moist towelette to clean up any messes.
For 1 serving
Cook 1 3-4 oz boneless skinless chicken breast in a covered saucepan with a little water. A pressure cooker would be even better, follow the directions that come with the cooker. Do not use salt or any other seasonings. Note that many chicken breasts could be cooked at once ahead of time, refrigerated, and used as needed.
Chop the cooked breast into smallish pieces and put into a blender pitcher. Add about 12-20 oz unflavored soy milk, you can adjust the amount of liquid for the proper slop consistency. Some water could also be added later if it is too thick. Add 2 teaspoons of good quality liquid fish oil, (not the capsules). Add a couple scoops of unflavored, unsweetened, good quality whey powder, read the label for the serving size. Then add a handful of random raw veggies, (carrots, broccoli, sprouts, etc.). Finally, add a portion of Life Extension Mix Powder, read the label for the correct amount. A couple of servings of a fiber supplement 2x a day would not be a bad idea.
Blend until smooth. Serve in a trough or feed-bag.
(yep, that's a url)
I'm not positive she's having an orgasm every time she seems to be - I really wondered (at the beginning) if the miraculous and rare simultaneous orgasm was for real. I opted for not over-analyzing. I feel like the chemistry may have been off from the get-go and our method of BC (condoms) combined with her preferred 'motion' (lots of grinding, very little in-and-out) is killing me. Let's not even talk about my frustrations with explaining how HJs and BJs could be improved (ooh, yes, more like that). I have tried repeatedly trying to get feedback on my own technique, without success, but I'm not sure I'm really doing it for her either.
I think I needed someone to tell me what I already know: this is not going anywhere. I've been trying to light a fire for a year, time to get some fresh kindling.
As an omnivore who loves food but eats very little meat, I'd just like to point out that yes, vegan food can be bad. And so can poorly cooked food that includes meat. And if you're ever in Edinburgh, I highly recommend this place: http://www.davidbann.com/. I had a fantastic meal there, and it just happened to be vegan.
I suggest that ORGASM hit the health food store and stock up on Fenugreek. If he takes it himself, he can have his fetish close at hand (or close at armpit!) at all times. If he gets into a relationship, maybe he can get his partner to take it.
And if someone also has a lactation fetish, so much the better.
(Though I agree with Dan. I don't see why it's a problem, and I'm not sure I believe the guy.)
AS it's where i work i lean towards iPinkvisual(dot)com and our related sites, but Kink(dot)com has a very nice one and so do some others.
A while back I sorted quite a few for Seego(dot)com which is a free directory we put up for mobile sites a while back.
Anyone who is offended by that comment shouldn't be reading this column.
Seriously though, Slave should eat some lovely plain uncooked tofu. High protein, delightfully gelatinous and bland - it's a form of sadism all its own.
Of course, the truth is, it's a cult. To be a vegan and eat the shit they eat, you have to have lost your mind at some point.
And yes, I do have sausages as my thumbnail, for totally unconnected reasons. LOL
If your relationship is as unfulfilling outside the bedroom as it is inside the bedroom, then yeah, I agree that it's time to hang up and try again. But if there's something there worth salvaging, then the specific problems you described seem like they might be surmountable. Perhaps you could try switching to another form of birth control? (If hormonal birth control isn't an option, there are always diaphragms and IUDs). And I could be wrong, but I'd guess that your girlfriend prefers grinding because it stimulates her clit. She might be more enthusiastic about in-and-out pumping if she were being stimulated manually at the same time, or if she were wearing one of those little hands-free vibrators designed for use during intercourse. (A vibrator could also help make sure that she's getting off every time.)
Granted, it sounds like you're suffering from a general lack of chemistry and failure of communication, so the situation might be beyond repair. But hey, random sex advice is always good, y/y?
My experience is that women who fit this pattern frequently have low orgasmic intensity and below-average sexual desire. My own hunch is that this is because they're reaching orgasm through tension rather than relaxation, and there's a pretty sizeable body of work suggesting that muscular tension inhibits sexual pleasure. Certainly, the most orgasmic women I've known don't tense up, clench their teeth, etc. You literally feel less when your muscles are tense: think of how we respond to feeling cold, or pain, or stress.
Being a good lay isn't just about technique or being GGG; it's also about being able to reach orgasm relatively easily and with a variety of positions/methods, so that your partner is gratified by your pleasure (and vice versa). If you can't do that, and everything has to be "just so" or it falls apart, sex starts to feel like work for the other person. Our culture doesn't really have a way of talking about that, because we view sex as a male performance in which the woman's ecstasy is the barometer of the man's success. But it takes two to tango.
Community-based samples indicate that in heterosexual relationships, females commit violence at a slightly higher rate than males. In these samples, partners are often both committing violence and having violence committed against them. As well, female partners have reported that, when being the first person to aggress, it was overwhelmingly for reasons unrelated to fear of imminent attack by the male partner and often because they knew the male partner would NOT hit back.
Stating that intimate partner violence is predominately committed by males also ignores the fact that this violence occurs in female same-sex relationships. Though I haven't looked at this specific research in a couple of years, studies that I read that examined both female and male same-sex relationships indicated that females reported more violence (physical, emotional, and sexual) in their relationships than did the males.
In short? Males may be the ones WITH dicks in relationships, but aren't the only ones that act like dicks.