MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 6 This week of murdered murderers, victimized victims, and the beginning of the end for "don't ask, don't tell" kicks off in Lakewood, where today brought three separate incidents of females being attacked by a man eager to douse them with mysterious unpleasant liquids (but not acid, thank God). Details come from KIRO, which reports today's first attack occurred around 2:15 p.m., when a man approached a woman in the recreation room of a Lakewood apartment complex and threw the contents of a cup in her face. ("Authorities said the liquid was clear with brown chunks in it," reports KIRO.) Minutes later, two 12-year-old girls walking down a Lakewood street were ambushed by a man on a bicycle who threw liquid on them. ("The liquid was blue, and the girls said they believe it was 'porta potty' liquid.") Two hours later, a woman exiting a Lakewood supermarket was doused in liquid by a man on a bike. ("The liquid was not identified.") Today's wave of dousings follows two previous attacks: On September 1, a man on a bike threw a cup of "something slimy" at a woman walking down a Lakewood street ("The woman said she thought the liquid may have been spit"), and on September 2, another woman walking down another Lakewood street was hit with an icky balloon ("Police believe the balloon was filled with eggs"). Victims describe the suspect as a black male in his late teens/early 20s, typically seen wearing a baseball cap and riding a black and silver bicycle. "Police said the assailant may be getting empty cups from fast food places then going to portable toilets and scooping up whatever he can reach to throw on people," reports KIRO.

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 7 In worse news, the week continues with a loathsome bit of business in Seattle, where tonight someone stole a truck parked in front of the Ronald McDonald House and instantly became the new Worst Person in the World of the Pacific Northwest. (Hit the showers, Officer Ian Birk.) Details come from the Seattle Times, where columnist Nicole Brodeur identified the owners of the stolen truck as Jeremy and Karen Hartle, parents who'd traveled from Montana to procure cancer treatments for their 3-year-old son, John, diagnosed with stage four, high-risk neuroblastoma. Throughout the extended period of treatment, the Hartles have been living at the Ronald McDonald House, the charitable organization that provides housing for families seeking treatment at the nearby Seattle Children's Hospital. Those belongings that couldn't fit in the Hartles' room were stored in the family truck, which was parked in front of the Laurelhurst-area charity and packed with medical supplies, baby clothes, and the tools Jeremy Hartle uses for his masonry business in Montana—until tonight, when the truck was stolen. "Families like the Hartles don't ever know how long they're going to be here," writes the Times' Brodeur. "That's why they bring so much with them. They live between hope and dread." Fuck you, truck-stealing sociopath, for making the Hartles' difficult existence so much more so. (And if anyone sees a black 2002 Ford F-250 Quad Cab with Montana plates, call the cops.)

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 8 In better news, today brings a heartening story of lowlifes preying on a charitable organization and getting what's coming to them. As the Associated Press reports, the saga went down tonight in Tacoma, where a man and woman came upon a Salvation Army van in the parking lot of a church and promptly attempted to siphon the gas from its tank—until the van, the man, and the woman burst into flames. "The man was able to put out his own flames and fled before police arrived," reports the AP. "[A] witness used a garden house to douse the woman. She was taken to Harborview Medical Center in Seattle and is expected to recover."

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 9 In even better news, the week continues in California, where today a federal judge declared the U.S. military's ban on openly gay service members to be unconstitutional. Details on the death of the odious "don't ask, don't tell" policy come from the Associated Press, which identifies today's decisive justice as U.S. District Court judge Virginia Phillips, who cited the policy's "direct and deleterious effect" on the armed services and granted a request for an injunction halting its enforcement. Here's something we'd never thought we'd say: Thank you, Log Cabin Republicans, the 19,000-member group of kinky GOP gays who sought the injunction that Judge Philips today approved. Stay tuned for idiotic blowback.

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 10 The week continues with the last earthly minutes of Cal Brown, the 52-year-old man found guilty of raping, torturing, and murdering 21-year-old Holly Washa of Burien in 1991. After 16 and a half years on death row at the Washington State Penitentiary in Walla Walla and weeks of ever more frantic appeals, last night Brown was served a last meal of pizza, coffee, and apple pie before being strapped to a gurney and injected with five grams of sodium thiopental, which brought about his death at 12:56 this morning. "I understand your feelings and your hatred for me for the actions I took against your daughter and sister," said Brown to the victim's family before his execution. "I hope the actions taken [here] give you the closure you seek." For our own closure, we turn to words spoken at the scene by King County Prosecutor Dan Satterberg, as quoted by the Seattle Times: "So many of the details surround the inmate, the offender. We want to remember Holly Washa in her prime. She was a young woman in her 20s when she was kidnapped and raped by Cal Brown. He is here tonight because he has earned his trip to death row." Fair enough (and all of us troubled by the death penalty should work for its repeal, rather than bemoan its legal usage).

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 11 Nothing happened today, unless you count the ninth anniversary of the worst day in modern American history, or the operatic tragedy that unfolded in Enumclaw, where tonight a group of friends gathered at a bar for a birthday party, on the way home from which one of the guests fatally struck a bicyclist, realized the dead cyclist was the friend whose birthday they'd just been celebrating, and immediately committed suicide with a pistol. "We're investigating to see if alcohol was a factor on the part of the driver," said Sgt. John Urquhart of the King County Sheriff's Office to KING 5.

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 12 In better news, the week ends with a double whammy of triumph for Seattle sports teams and those who love them, as the Storm beat the Atlanta Dream in Game 1 of the WNBA finals (thanks to an amazing, last-minute tie-breaking shot by Sue Bird), and the Seahawks beat the San Francisco 49ers (thanks to good luck and a variety of winning maneuvers).

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