Columns Dec 23, 2010 at 4:00 am

Fuck You, Santas


And then you will be arrested.
well, someone needs a dose of holiday cheer, don't they?
"how dare you come into my place...." fuck you douchebag. i was'nt a santa this year, but i'm in next. so as previously stated fuck you. and i gots' my beer/bail/taxi money folded and waiting. fuck i'm inviting out of town and state friends to come and fuck it off. and by the by, fremont died twenty years ago. so fuck you again johnny suck lately and your little shithole of proprietary enslavement. HAH! ps your wife's probably fucking around.
Fuck yeah! Those goddamn assholes should be banned. I was shoved by several of them while trying to walk down the damn block (TO WORK!) and will be certain to bring my taser with me next year. Do you really need to drunkenly shove a 5'0" chick out your brutish way? Maybe Mace would be better...
To the organizers- if you don't take more measures to control your mob or add more "f's of Santa" to include "Santa doesn't F with anybody outside of the retard Santa group" I'm going to rain hell upon your shitty party.
...nevermind. you'll more than likely be out of business come this time next year.
I'm gonna start "PissOnSantaCon" next year- it's gonna be great seeing all the Santas with their yellow suits.

you know you don't have any friends- in state or out. i think jenc01 should seek you out and taze your ass first. then mace you.
eeeew !
Why people continue to be surprised and offended by the behavior of drunks is beyond me... It's not going to go away...
The Santa's in SF—unlike previous years where they were the disdain of every bartender and service person in the neighborhood—were reportedly well behaved this year.

It gave me hope that booze + pack mentality doesn't always have to resort to sub-frat boy behavior.
Yeah, those guys ruined my night at the Pike Pub. Assholes! go fa-la-la down the alley.
Wah wah wah wah. Go cry, you fucking baby.
I'm guessing you still rung up each and every sale and pocketed the profit tho, eh? How about you take all that money that you collected and drop every cent of it into a charity box tomorrow and then maybe I'd be willing to feel a little bit of sympathy for you, you whiney douche.
@jenc I fully support the macing of anyone participating in Sanarchy.
So.. You're mad people went into a bar, and then acted as if they were in a bar? This shit will happen anytime in the year.
I was in Santacon this year and only saw a couple people who were being total assholes.Which is the norm for any group of drunk people.
I know I personally and most of my friends tipped heavy because we knew the staff was overwhelmed.
why don't you tell us what bar you work at so next year we can not give your whiney staff the busiest Saturday afternoon you've had in months.
Actually I take that last part back.You're being whiney.It's not fair of me to lump a whole group if people into one catagory due to one persons actions.You should take note.
actually, i made the mistake of heading down to fremont coffee to meet some friends satuday. on my ONE block walk to head back up phinney, i only had to deal with 6 drunk shits shoving people off the sidewalk, one santa puking, observed 3 santas run in front of a truck, a number of frat tools yelling 'chug chug chug' at the ballroom, and a bunch of fat 'skanky santas' who apparently thought they were the shit waaay underdressed - making me want to be the second dude puking on 36th at that moment. the whole idea is douchetastic. keep the fucktards in belltown and bellevue, por favour.
"douchetastic" Gotta love it!
Ho fucking ho. Santa skanks.
Fuck all y'all whiney bitches. One day out of the fucking year you deal with a pile of Santas (who had a GREAT fucking time, btw) while you walked down the street or ran your stupid bar. Perhaps if you DID Santa (interpret how you like) rather that whiiiiiiined about Santa, you might just have a lil' fun during this dreary time of year, rather than being whiney, sarcastic PNW bitches. Seriously... I know Santa dropped some bank at your otherwise boring ass bar. I know that Santa is lewd, but Santa was NOT nekkid, so stop exaggerating your claims of pubic hair all over the place. You own a bar... you deal with with puke and assholes as a matter of business. And as for you, ya little 5' tall whiny ass woman. You're just an angry elf anyway. Get some ears.
Wow, that is really scary to me! I hate xmas and santa, and drunk people frighten and disgust me so this sounds like my worst nightmare.
Here are some sad and scary pictures of the event:…
There was a schload of new santas, and as one might expect, a steep learning curve happened.
Lots o'cameras egging exhibitionists to...well, exhibit.

If you had a problem, did you call the cops?

Some vague Santarchy "incident" (speculating) like Santa#6 got a deserved Police beat-down that Santa#9 earned (idunno?) but experince led Cacophany/Santarchy to rules & leadership to NOT be the worst of their own worst, hence
"Santacon" was born. What a fucked up name!

So few see the humor and irony in this part....
Anarchists w/rules and bullhorns, but I digress.

Being in the suit/in red, doesn't provide license to Ass-dom, but it sure provides cover.
3 years ago 'the Pike' was freaked out of her skirt (what happened the last time...)but they realized we were not the drunken fucks leaving behind empties and not tipping. We were 20 looking for beer & a bite, payed, tipped, and moved on to cocktails at the next place.

Newbies beware, Santa has a rep to uphold.
AND the rep YOU create reflects on us all.

If you don't like the Santas in your bar, stay tuned, hire bouncers, turn 'em away at volume. Feel free to call the cops, or do the bartender stuff you had planned for frat-boys & drunken rowdies.

Please don't paint me with the same brush.
I have been at this some years now, and always bring presents to those who have been 'good', to those who lied about being good, or were willing to admit to being good at being naughty.

Sorry you had a bad time. Learn from it.
"...generously rub my genitals all over every square inch of the place."

Wow. You're going to have some seriously raw genitalia after this. Better bring some scaffolding for the ceiling, too.
It's Brower's. The second we walked in there(before most if the other Santa's) the staff was pissy and rude about all these people wanting to spend money and tip. Conversely, the Ball Room and Norm's were more than excited about the santas! I could even see the dolloar signs in there eyes.
BORING! Where's the picture??? I don't know what happened or really care. YAWN
Sounds like one huge frat boy parade.
@#13 & #27: "Pictures of the skanky santas or it didn't happen."

You're both welcome! Happy Festivus!!…
i love how all these fuckwad saint dicks think that dropping $2.00 for a pbr and then walking to the next bar brought in shitloads for all the bar owners in fremont. hilarious. get over yourselves, dumb fucks.
Bwahahahaha... I saw pictures of the Santa group on Facebook and I thought the same thing. What losers. Very funny I Anon.
Krampus has a basket ready for this whiner.
OK, my first response is, "BRING IT!" My second thought is, let us know which bar you're talking about and we'll gladly take our dollars elsewhere. I know I dropped about $75 in the few hours we were ho, ho, hopping around having a FANTASTIC time. If you don't want any of our money, say the word. I tip well. But not to assholes like you. My third thought? FUCK OFF. From Biker Santa
Finally, a traditional Christmas, unlike the one the NY capitalists made us think was the traditional one (in which we buy presents). This looks like what Christmas was like before 150 years ago, and it still exists.
The comments on I, Anonymous always baffle me.
It's a platform for complaining, and there's always at least a half-dozen commenters yelling "Stop complaining, you whiny bitch!" Why are you reading this?
And why do people think that you can act however you want and not be complained about? There were obviously multiple people who were disrespected and mistreated by obnoxious drunk assholes. Why shouldn't they complain? Because you like being drunk and obnoxious? People don't have to put up with your crap just because you're having fun and you want them to.
I used to work at Babeland (LES) in NYC, which is smack in the middle of Santacon territory. Sex-toy shops already have to deal with the "you sell toys that defy traditional rules of decency therefore NO traditional rules of decency apply" factor every day, but add excessive drunkenness and mob mentality, and you get a surplus of jackassery.
Geez! I'm sorry already! What more can I do to apologize?!
I read this I, Anonymous... and I cried tears.

Tears of laughter.

This comments section is also a goldmine for hilarity.

Serious business, indeed!

The Santa planners highly encourage bars to kick out Santas that cross the line while hundreds more Santas buy lots of alcohol from the various establishments that Santa visits. Santa planners also visit all the main stops along the route to warn owners of what is coming so they can staff up and make the most money possible. Santa in Seattle was so big this year, Santa filled above capacity more than 5 bars at a time. How much money for the bar owners does that translate to? Maybe enough to wipe those tears off your face?
@34, yes, the New York capitalists made us give presents to each other. It's a huge Jewish plot to corrupt pure Aryan residents of the Northwest.
@ 40: l got a free bottle of tequila for warning one of my neighborhood Fremont bars we were coming, my drinks are heavier at the other place l warned (and that was big enough to accommodate a hefty number of us), and they all made money. lt pays to keep them informed.
And one l warned chose not to open at all. Given their capacity, they would have made a SHIT ton of money. Oh, well.
#41 I *knew* Seattle was a fake, it's really a Nazi plot to breed boring white people with no ambition. Yay, mystery solved.
omg i was totally in fremont that night and these santa assholes were a terror. they should all go ho ho home to tukwila or whatever suburb they came from...
like george costanza said, "We're living in a society here, people!" Santa(s) should be able to have fun but respect others and not act like frat boy douchbagels. nobody likes a rowdy group of drunk in-your-face-fucks.
Cowardly much, Anonymous? How about you let us know what establishment we're not welcome in so we can never give you our money again.
Last year, these idiots descended upon a wedding party being held in the slow hours at a bar on Cap Hill and consumed the entire buffet before the people it was for had ANY. And it happened so fast (much like roaches) that there was no throwing them out. I talked to the owner of the bar. They spent nothing and were generally rude to everyone, including the bride and groom. The owner then had to come up with food really fucking fast all over again for the wedding party. The fundraiser scheduled for later that night was delayed over an hour. Fuck Santacon. They all deserve coal (except for the Santa who claims to be santa-y and gives gifts to the people who cross his path).
We had some of those Santas sitting next to us at the Greek Restaurant ... and they were really boring compared to the rubbing genitals on things Santas You got to see. Be thankful. Actually, ours were boring compared to anyone. They mentioned some gal named Katy about 7,000 times , and talked about lameness and dummy being fucking lame shit for like an hour. They talked about college and they were all from different lame cities originally... SI didn't mean to imply that Seattle is lame... it's not. I'm a native so I may be one of the few who know that this place was not originally inhabited by passive aggressive hybrid driving fancy boutique douches like it is now. Anyway, my three year old was shouting "penisface!!!" and spitting hummus in her lemonade, so at least she is interesting..
Why is a "douche" so awful that the term has to be applied to every urban 20-something who acts like an adolescent? First, there are only 4 non-sex workers in this country who've ever douched. Second, according to my ex-boyfriend, the vagina of a freshly-douched stripper is akin to the experience of being whipped cream on Bar Refaeli's breasts. Finally, it just means shower in French. You want the French to shower, don't you?

It'd be way better to call people enema-bags.
Like Santa ever wants to come into your place of business again, you fucking Grinch!

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