As if the relentless badgering of the Seattle Police Department on Slog and the rest of The Stranger's website day in and day out were not bad enough, this week the editor of this "newspaper" saw fit to string together a bevy of already published blog posts by CIENNA MADRID into a news feature. You will note that this news feature contains no actual news, and dedicated readers of Slog (i.e., the unemployed) will further notice that the only things Miss Madrid has added to her day-by-day account of the inquest into the death of a public inebriate at the hands of a police officer is wild speculation on such matters as what the police officer's wife might have been thinking in the courtroom. That and a jumbo-sized helping of righteous indignation. The subtext—as signaled by Miss Madrid's way of pointing out the ethnicity of every Native American in that courtroom, meant to contrast in your mind with the whiteness of the police officer in question—is heavy-handed and pompously liberal (the real culprit is... racism itself!). I do not know what heinous crimes I could have committed in a former life to be forced to suffer through two entire pages of Senorita Madrid's baseless antiauthoritarian whimpers and pathetic attempts to inveigle white liberal guilt out of her readers. What would she have police officers do? Hand their guns to marauding, knife-wielding drunken itinerants, in order to make it a fair fight? It's frankly hard to take seriously.

The can't-be-taken-seriously parade continues with a diatribe by ELI SANDERS castigating state attorney general Rob McKenna's anti-gang legislation. In other words, here is this week's two-pronged assault on common sense, courtesy of the news department of The Stranger: (1) Put more thugs on the streets. (2) Refuse to allow the police to defend themselves when those aforementioned thugs run amok.

Then, as if to congratulate themselves on all that aforementioned "serious" work, the entire staff goes out and eats and writes about—wait for it—soup. Pages and pages of staffers slurping down liquid meals. The paper's chief food critic, managing editor BETHANY JEAN CLEMENT, who takes credit for editing this "feature," doesn't even leave the house, literally phoning it in with a paragraph about canned Campbell's soup. How this benefits the people of Seattle in search of a new place to eat, or the advertisers who've been swindled into placing their ads next to this garbage, or Miss Clement herself, who is doing her career no favors—that's anyone's guess. I would encourage you to not read this bland, forgettable ensemble piece over soup yourself, lest you fall asleep and slump, face-first, into the scalding liquid. I speak here from experience: Let the bandage at the tip of my nose stand as a warning to you.