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800 Maynard Ave S, Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98134
800 Maynard Ave S, Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98134
And it doesnt look like she enjoys her behaviour..she seems to practically loathe herself by openly inviting the brickbats. Again: is that all a justification for hurting so many human beings?--No! But IMO the solution lies in her getting professional help and changing her behavious patterns, not in taking the option of remaining in her unhappy marriage/ or eloping with her destructive 'true love'.
I didn't say you were condoning her behavior, just that you were holding her less accountable because she probably needs therapy. I think her behavior shows that she knows this and doesn't care. She's always at the mercy of her passion or some shit. It sounds like she enjoys being a mess, and that's why she wouldn't give up until Dan Savage paid attention to her and posted her story for the world to see. Such a person does need therapy and will probably not get it because it's too much fun to fuck up people's lives.
That said, I feel NO sympathy for her currant husband. He new that she was a cheater when he married her. What goes around, comes around.
Thank you.
I 2 am nice
Thanks for the link to the original letter/response. Made my day.
6 months after our divorce finalized, he got married to some mail-order bride from the Midwest.
My condolences to her--and any kids they might have had.
Okay. I'm done, and grateful not to be SCIL.
In reality, FWB setups are simply this: you get to fuck someone NSA. Pure and simple. Forget being friends with them; it rarely works out, since someone is always wanting more/less. It's usually a very temporary fix for people on the go between real relationships.
But let's be clear that anyone seeking FWB setups should always make their motives known to prospective sexual dalliances, otherwise, they find themselves hooked with someone who had no idea they were being played. And in case any of you nymphos don't know: when you have sex with someone, your body releases oxytocin, otherwise known as the love drug, into your system... this is why you get hooked on the sexual partner, of course, dependent upon chemistry. This is why some people find it difficult to make the split. And this is why the FWB guy should put some time between making a NSA decision with his ex. Eventually, the oxytocin will subside and he will see the light of day. You don't want to be where you're truly not wanted, do you?
It's a cruel world.
trust me, i just got out of that same situation and its still haunting me.
@115, they have mail-order brides from the Midwest now?
I love being the exception that proves the rule.
I really hope CRAP (haha) doesn't make the same mistake I did, because it could have been simply horrible. Also, sounds like he/she and the ex have a good friendship; I would advise CRAP to make sure the friendship is ALWAYS first and foremost in his/her mind. Then, if they continue this ill-advised fucking, they might be okay.
SCIL, please do all the straight guys a huge favor by only getting involved with those who are looking for FWB.
Speaking of FWB, I once got myself into the same situation with an ex that CRAP is considering getting himself into. Still had feelings for him, too. And the sex was amazing. But the only thing that sucked worse than getting dumped by him the first time was getting dumped by him a second time and feeling totally used after he proceeded to completely cut me out of his life shortly thereafter.
When her ideal relationship finally fails, she will be able to see that she was basing her life on an unrealistic dream, and start maturing and understanding herself.
And if it doesn't fail then great.
Sociopath
People like this are nothing but trouble; they're manipulative, charming, pathological liars, incapable of feeling any remorse for their actions, incapable of feeling love, are usually sexually promiscuous, have a constant need for stimulation, are callous, have poor impulse control, and are adept at exploiting others to support their parasitic lifestyle. It's always All About Them, and anyone who's ever had to deal with someone like this quickly learns that there's no helping these people - there's only avoiding them in order to save one's sanity.
SCIL needs some therapy, and she needs it now.
Your life has the makings to a total train wreck and the only movie that Madonna could successfully A C T in.
When you leave your second husband for the Love of Your Life, please leave your children with him. They deserve to be raised by an adult. Whatever you decide to do, stay or go, have your tubes tied now. There is enough of your spawn in the world as it is.
Yes, I get it that it would be frustrating if your husband isn't interested in sex. That's why you try the counseling then go your separate ways if you can't make it work. Don't fuck some other guy for months, terrorize your current husband because he provides you with a nice house. If you want to be with the love of your life, let your current husband go so he can find the love of his life. Leave your kids with him so you can keep fucking and fucking focusing on yourself, your needs and your desires regardless of who it hurts.
Gee, another word to describe a "low woman" eh?
Zzzzzzzzz
She made her lot in life, time she started living with it instead of running away.
I appreciate that words can have different meanings; it enriches our language. It's that cunt, in particular, has been used as a word weapon against women. It's time to evolve the negative meanings, and their power to hurt, out of our language.
No one else will give you unconditional love like that. Be true to them. You can do it.
for Crap, of course you still have feelings for her. trust your process. either you are still a junkie using a non-lethal substance that merely wastes precious life-hours, or you are an addict using methodone, and will transition to cold turkey
when and if required. IF you can break away, it will probably save you grief in the long run; then again, good sex doesn't grow on trees...so at least enjoy it, knowing it will end someday.
Dan, I love your column. "Cunty" hmmm I get it, it's
strong, but yeah it hurts to hear that used as
the ultimate put-down when we (females) have cunts that we'd like to see as GOOD things--cunty would
then come to mean "DEEEELicious."
thanks
If I were in his shoes, I'd be pretty steamed that she managed to get legally, recongized in all of the US and the whole wide world hitched, do this twice, and he in a decade+ long relationship raising a kid can't. I'm sure if he used "dickish" (which is comparable to cunty - i.e. prejorative word used against one gender or another), no one would complain. He even called her a bitch, and there's no uproar about that. I'm sure there's plenty of guys who think their dicks are pretty awesome (and plenty of girls/guys who'd agree with them). Talk about a double standard/folks looking for reasons to be offended. Seriously, today it's cunt, tomorrow it'll be something else. Meanings will always change.
Also, does she deserve to have children? In a word, no. Children are a gift, and she's wasting hers running after dick. If she is incapable of focusing of their care, then she shouldn't have had then and should probably look into making certian that she does not have any more.
(I'm pretty steamed that there are doctors who would happily fix this moron on the basis of her having two kids already, and I can't find one that'll do the same for me even though I'm around her age, childless, and have no interest in having sex.)
It has nothing to do with her ability to lust after/love more than one person, as there are plenty of non-monogamous folks out there raising well-adjusted kids. The difference between them and her is a fuckton of maturity and self-awareness, and not being a dipshit serial cheater.
So yeah, she doesn't deserve that gift, and I feel really sorry for those kids for having an immature twit of a mother. Hope the second husband is treating them well.
Does anyone remember that letter and if so, could you let me know the title because I've been going through the archives and I can't seem to find it.
As for your kids: My parents stayed together for the sake of my brother and I, and believe me, when they finally did get divorced 29 years into their marriage, it was MESSY. They both acknowledge now that it was a terrible reason for two people who clearly were incompatible from the get-go to stay married.
I don't know if a polyamorous relationship will work for you, SCIL, because you just sound way too selfish for ANY type of relationship.
Please do not have any more children. There are enough screwed up people in the world.
As for CRAP, one month of getting over an unrequited love relationship is NOT a good idea! The only successful FWB are just that, friends who only want friendship with each other despite also wanting the sex. You are not in that category and I suspect you agreed only because the break-up is too recent and you will take anything not to lose the connection.
Ask a gay guy, or a lesbian, or a straight infertile couple, or a straight elderly couple, or anyone who uses birth control.
Not that hard to figure out.
But I still think she sounds hot.
I think the gal needs to get her tubes tied and some professional help.
That is too old-fashioned these days. Assuming that one or two dates with a person makes them your girlfriend or boyfriend is too clingy. It's better to keep your options open until you have some indication of a commitment. Otherwise you could invest a lot of yourself into a relationship and then turn around and find out that the other person thought you were dating on a casual basis. My take on it is that you can't make assumptions at all about a person's sex life until you talk about it. The first month or two of dating are really about figuring out if you even want to be exclusive or can actually see a long-term relationship. Until you have both said yes to a monogamous relationship, it's really ok to see other people. That doesn't mean have sex with everyone you date- but it does mean making time to meet other people. If you make the assumption that you're the only one, you could put 6 mos. into casually dating someone who's not that into you. Don't stop seeing other people until you are sure that you're in an exclusive relationship.
Second, shes an asshole, yeah. But she's not an asshole BECAUSE she can't be monogamous. She's an assholes because she tries monogamy even though it's not her thing. Because she lies to herself thinking she cheats on men because she's in love with only one. And because she's not got the girl balls to think about it and get a fucking polygamous relationship with a guy who's into that. So, she could marry. Don't be these judging assholes you're being.
If answer letter is a counter-bully-letter answer, then bravo Dan.
For the love of god, just try not to bring a third child into this train wreck.
*acknowledging difference between the borderline personality of Glen Close's character and a stupid drama loving bitch like this chick.