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May 11, 2011 at 4:00 am
Your "Generosity" Will Land You In a Bargain-Basement Retirement Home
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800 Maynard Ave S, Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98134
800 Maynard Ave S, Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98134
How does this make him ungrateful? He's just being practical- do you think that in a few years when his parents are too old to work that he's going to be able to support their Acuras and McMansion? They CHOSE to have a child and let him 'mooch' off of them for 18 years, but they have a responsibility as ADULTS to take care of themselves, just like their son does. How is this different from thirty-somethings being irresponsible and expecting their parents to continue to support them?
OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH GOTCHA!
Their generation was brainwashed into being materialistic uber-consumers and it's one of the main reasons why we are all hurting economically right now.
I don't think #1 said it loud enough "UNGRATEFUL!!"
Do yourself a favor and ask your parents for the "gift" of a few trips to a family counselor. It's never too late. But it does get more difficult the longer these problems fester.
That's how you treat the people who taught you how to wipe your own ass? Good god you are one ungrateful SOB. Who are you to fault your parents for working hard and being able to obviously afford those things I guess growing up and just having them has made you bitter.
Jackass.
They are taking care of themselves. Or are those things free now? Let me know.....I'm in the market for a McMansion.
No-one ever asked to be born. In fact, I think many would not have accepted were they to be given the opportunity; parents have children for nothing but selfish reasons; and nothing is necessarily wrong with that.
In truly criminal manner, some choose to have children, and then choose to saddle those children with shame for having been a financial and emotional burden for, truly, devil knows why.
What a world we would live in if people would say not "Father Land" but rather "Children's Land"-- that we would prefer this be the land of our children, rather than the land of our fathers.
It is the role, after all, of parents, to form children into functional adults, and then die; anything more is not necessarily the function of a parent--not that anyone be should any less then merely parent.
Childish, mean-spirited invective--according to the manner of the cud-munching, several-stomached monsters who so dominate grade-school--apparently never goes out of fashion on counter-culture magazine discussion.
I feel there is a message to be found here even to be found within that of the great satirists. Perhaps it is better, if one can merely spit, to walk on by.
This is a completely fair criticism. It has nothing to do with ungratefulness. People should prepare for their retirement. Sometimes bad things happen, or parents are poor and need help, and then you take care of your parents. But guaranteeing that your children will have to provide for you when you could have easily taken care of yourself is horribly selfish.
Also, people, please stop whining that people are whining in an anonymous column designed to facilitate whining. It's too meta for me. It's like complaining that people urinate in toilets when that urine could water baby cacti.
But maybe like MY parents and grandparents they won't even NEED nursing homes and stay relatively healthy until they pass. THAT money saved bought me MY house. Whatever dude, wonder how someone so judgemental came from parents who just seem to want to be nice to you with the chip and dip.
They may be supporting themselves NOW, but Anon's point seems to be that they aren't preparing to take care of themselves in the future. And in ten years when they can't work anymore, they will be struggling to make their McMortgage with Social Security, and asking him for help. Which he may or MAY NOT be able to provide. I would certainly help support my mother, but there's no way I could make her house payment and mine. Most people couldn't.
Beyond that, as you get older your medical care gets more and more expensive. How is Anon going to be able to support his own children and pay for medical care and a nursing home for two people? Will he have to sacrifice helping his kids go to college in order to pay for their grandparent's living expenses? What kind of strain will it put on his marriage? What if his wife's parents are just as irresponsible- will they support them, too?
Parents have a responsibility to plan ahead, to try to avoid becoming a burden to their children's family.
They did put my siblings through college, but those siblings were in college through their early thirties, living in awesome digs in expensive cities, and now have some pretty useless degrees to show for it. I got out early, got a job, worked my way through college and into a decent career, and now my wife and I make a little more than we need to live on... so we're the ones getting hit up for loans which will never be repaid.
I wish I had a good idea of what to do. :-/ It's hard when the people you care about are idiots when it comes to money.
before they could have any "fun" or frivolity, dad died (at 59) and mom immediately got sick (parkinson's).
while i am grateful their stingy ways have allowed for mom's care, i wish they had been more generous with themselves. they will never again have those times, or those 'frivolous" adventures.
"No-one ever asked to be born. In fact, I think many would not have accepted were they to be given the opportunity; parents have children for nothing but selfish reasons; and nothing is necessarily wrong with that."
Then just off yourself, it'll help reduce global climate change, and the general douche-baggery quotient of society.
Unless you materialized out of thin air, you at least owe your parents a simple thank you for not chasing you out of the womb with a coat hanger.
Truth hurts, doesn't it?
I can't speak for your parents specifically, but I can say that experimental psychology has found some general findings that may make you feel better about your parent's saving.
Many people derive genuine, lasting happiness from frugality: both the act of saving as well as the satisfaction of having savings. Maybe the money itself didn't make your parents happy, but the knowledge that they were saving it did.
As for the original post, I think the author is a bit crass (duh, this is I Anon after all) but the idea is founded. Material gifts have gotten out of control. I try to always give people experiences (tickets, a night out, a nice dinner, etc) or consumables.
Now he's retired. And he sits and drinks coffee and looks at the same 1970's yellow linoleum and orange shag carpet and checks his bank balance.
I suspect there will be a good chunk of change left when he passes on. But thinking about spending that money makes me sick. If I inherit any of it, it's going straight to a charity.
Anon, at least you can say your parents had some fun!
Don't be so frugal with your compassion and gratitude; you can afford as much of that as you'd like, and there's no option-ARM or trade-in loss to fear in simply being human.
My mom will want me to move home when she loses her license. She'll be sure that I can find a job anywhere, with how smart and savvy I am. Besides, she's got a paid-for house (that's full to the rafters of the crap that prevented her from having a retirement fund), with extra room (so long as you don't mind sleeping on top of boxes...scratch that, you might damage what's in them...ummmm...I got it...IN THE RECLINER! Yes, yes, there's room there, crammed into the seat along with 10 years of unread newspapers...MOVE OVER, DON'T WRINKLE THEM!).
No way. In hell. Call me ungrateful, I don't care. Because the boomers didn't know how to live responsibly, if us Xers and Yers let them get away with bleeding us dry of our time, money, and earning potential, the country will never recover. I'm not paying to "raise" an elderly child. I have long-term care insurance at not-quite 30, and more than the national average for ALL adults in my retirement accounts. WTF is wrong with "seniors" who don't have LTC insurance AND don't have the money to pay for the care out-of-pocket???
@20 is absolutely right when 20 said:
"Children don't owe their parents for creating them and raising them. That debt is payed to the next generation by providing an equal or better upbringing than they received."
Couldn't have said it better.
Yes, it's nice to love your parents and want to care for them in their old age, but us thirty somethings generally have boomer parents. The most wasteful consumerist, reckless spending generation in the history of humanity.
Oh, and they're also the richest that will ever have lived. It's downhill from here because they used up all the oil, water, coal, fucked the planet, and are responsible for suburban sprawl.
Many people of this generation don't care that their kids are inheriting a trashed planet, where the cost of living is going to just get higher and higher.
Take the crappy gifts graciously, and feel lucky that you are also well off enough that you can pass those gifts on to goodwill for those less fortunate... and that you have the luxury of time to spend writing hateful letters about it all.
Maybe you could get them the gift of a visit to a financial planner to help them get ready for the future?
Plus, gift giving for the sake of gift giving is just selfish and pathetic -- gifts like the chip and dip set demonstrate the giver really has no fucking idea who you are, or any interest in finding out. I think THAT is pretty shitty.
Well, what Dad said in irony turns out to be true. We're looking on as they lose the family home and dig themselves into a pit of credit-card-fueled debt. Thank goodness my spouse didn't inherit his parents' financial sense (or lack thereof).
Where have I gone wrong? Is it too late for me to learn how to be shallow, cold, self absorbed and, oh never mind.
I like being me, a human being.