Meanwhile, your friend is lactose intolerant and has issues with public restrooms. You are a terrible host and they were relieved to finally go home.

Quite right. Clearly your friend left the dishes in the sink because, being unfamiliar with your kitchen, your shoddy hosting left your guest faced with the age old dilemma of "dirty dishes in the sink vs. dishes incorrectly scattered about the cupboards."

As a guest, he or she is already acutely aware of intruding on your space, and has no wish to stick his or her nose where it doesn't belong. Case in point: where does this fork go? Maybe this drawer? Nope, towels. How about this one? Nope, it's the ol' kitchen junk drawer. Maybe...? $%&*!!!! WTF. Who stores THAT in their kitchen cupboard?!?

Ignorance of the contents of one's friend's cupboards is bliss.

weakest I anonymous ever

this reminded me of an episode from the early years of friends: monica comes home to find phoebe, joey, and chandler on her couch watching tv. monica, annoyed, says, "hello, people who don't live here. i gave you that key for EMERGENCIES." phoebe, disarmingly, holding up a bag of chips, "we were out of DORITOS."
:)

I don't expect my guests to wash their own dishes, or to refrain from using the bathroom for fuck's sake. As for the cookies, you're better off without them. Box-cookie-eating motherfucker.

What a BITCH! Why did you even invite them in the first place, you sound like a misanthrope.

yea seriously, chocolate chip cookies, oreos, AND doritos?! you were done a favor. you should have lugged the suitcase down the stairs as well, I'm sure you could use the exercise.

You: threw my dishes in the trash can and tried to cover them up with mutilated body of my cat, as if I wouldn't notice; ate all of the kumquats off my kuamquat tree except one.. no wait, there was only one to begin with; rather than doing the number two in one of the many bars and restaurants we visited, you waited until we got home to leave a huge upper-decker in my toilet which I didn't notice for three days since I don't flush my toilet so as to conserve water; seemed annoyed when I wouldn't drag your suitcase three blocks to the bus which I told you was the greenest and cheapest way to get from Lynnwood to Sea-Tac.

While eating all but one of something is pathetic (like it absolves the person of culpability for being a greedy pig), what else do you expect when you invite someone to stay with you? If you don't want people eating/using your shit, give them a hotel recommendation.

And you really expected your guest to shit in a public restroom?

You mean you have no electric dishwasher? What century are you living in?

You said the person was a guest, not a roommate. As long as the guest is staying less than a month, you do your own housework. Guests don't do housework, that's why they are guests. (Of course it's nice if guests offer to help out, but really you shouldn't expect it.) If you want to share the housework with someone, you invite them for more than a month, charge rent and call her "roommate". And thinking she wouldn't use your bathroom during her stay is just nuts.

The only legitimate complaint you have is that she put the water jug away with no water in it. That's just weird and pointless.

Anon, you sound like a prissy, self-satisfied twat. Congrats. What really puts it over the top is complaining that your guest actually had the nerve to take a dump in (gasp) your BATHROOM. Do you have a neurological disorder that makes you extra-sensitive to the sounds of turds dropping at night? Perhaps your guests should relieve themselves on the front hall rug instead.

On the last night, that guest should leave the dishes in your bathroom and take a giant "Number Two" in the sink.

Oh, and "Number Two"...really? Are you the only second-grader on the planet with their own apartment?

Sounds to me like someone was expecting to get laid and didnt ;) Bitter much? :)

i'm not inviting any of you inconsiderate, entitled pricks to stay at my house.

Anon is a bad, classless host... You should have understood that having a visitor is all about slight inconviences, you should feel privilaged enough at the fact you have someone willing to visit you in the first place.

You are a classless host, having visitors is all about slight inconvience, and makeing sure they are comfortable. You should be happy enough in the fact you had someone willing to visit you in the first place.

If this was a couchsurfer (which I'm sort of getting by the problems listed)I have no idea why you would go to so much trouble to make them breakfast in the first place. We've been hosting people for years and never done that. Most of these problems can be avoided by a politely worded list of ground rules on your profile.

Staying at someone's house is not like staying in a hotel. Christ almighty.

@17,

Personally, I'm usually all for guests being considerate. I think it's the author's tone and some of the specific complaints that push this over the line for some of us. Complaining about someone taking a "number two" in your toilet is unreasonable, and being that attached to your Doritos might indicate that you...er...need to grow up a little. If it weren't for those things, anon might have my sympathy.

I'm not sure who's wrong or right, but I'm tending to take the host's side (except for the part about expecting her guest to shit at the restaurant, shitting and stinking up the place when you want to go to bed sucks, but that's nature). The fact that almost everyone here thinks the guest's behavior was normal convinces me that when I buy a house, I definitely will not have a guest bedroom.

ANON also doesn't have to invite the guest back.

@22 - you're right. Its surprising to see all these people rag the ANON. He\She is right. Except for that part about the shitting. That could go either way...

You guys are all crazy for criticizing Anon.

I have a lot of house guests, including relatives with kids, and they make sure they will be invited back regularly by not leaving huge messes everywhere. One family comes, brings foods to share that their kids will like, helps cook, washes dishes, puts things away that their kids take out, makes their beds and throws used towels in the washer. They also help makes sure their kids know the rules of the house and enforce the rules for me. I do a lot for my guests, and I enjoy it b/c they are not inconsiderate assholes like Anon's guest.

BUT it sounds like Anon could use some non-violent communication skills, such as saying "Do you mind doing the dishes?" or "You are welcome to the Doritos and Oreos, but leave some for me!"... You know, stating what s/he wants and all.

If you liked your guest these things may not have bothered you so much. But it sounds like this was someone you would have preferred not the have around. I understand. There are some guests who piss me off just by being awake when I get up and some who can pretty much do no wrong. It's not rational, but it doesn't need to be.

I like to think of "I Anonymous" as being a place to share irrational complaints. And then to hear from all the trolls who can't handle it. Take a deep breath and avoid the internet trolls, this is too much for you.

THIS COLUMN IS FOR PEOPLE TO COMPLAIN! All you high-and-mighties who comment every week only to bash the complainer, need to suck one. Every single week you fuckers pile on as if you've never complained about anything ever. Your life and especially your ideals must be wonderful!
Totally hear you on the bad guests man. If anything, they remind you how to act when you yourself are the guest. And HELL YA, waiting to take a mean grump in your place when the guest had options, is inconsiderate. And REVENGE MUST BE TAKEN! Not in a mean spirited way, but in a revenge dump sort of way. BAM!

Who says all of us calling out Anon are horrible guests? I'm a very considerate guest. I always bring a gift. I take my hosts out to dinner and drinks at least once, or more often if I'm staying longer than a couple of days. I never eat or drink any of their food without an explicit invitation. I leave their guest room and bathroom looking better than how I found them.

But I'm also adult enough to accept that, if I invite someone into my home, I am responsible for feeding them (within reason), cleaning up after them (within reason), and putting up with their literal shit. Anon needs to grow up, and it figures that Anon's friends are just as inconsiderate and immature as he/she is.

Your guest sounds pretty lame but you suck for thinking he/she should have to take a dump in a gross bar bathroom.

What kind of control freak doesn't expect guests to use their bathroom when the need arises?

Unless, of course, they left that turd swimming in your bowl for you to find.

I dunno, this one kinda cheers me up. If this is the worst thing happening in someone's life, then ya know what, life ain't that bad.

people suck, moving on ...

Guest, apparently, did not share their grass with Host, which might have made everything okay. Guest was truly an Ass.

I am a little pissed at @29 for coming up with "mean grump." This is a clump of gold in a morass of tin flakes. As for the IA, yeah, guests suck, and christening someone's toilet is always bad form. But the Stranger wussed out here, this is a pretty weak-ass IA.

In my family, when we have guests over we buy paper plates and paper napkins. Yeah, bad for the environment but nobody gets stuck doing a bunch of extra dish washing.

p.s. Did you intend to provide your guest with breakfast only? Please be aware that not all people can afford to eat lunch and dinner out every day even on vacation. Leaving snacks, sodas, and sandwich making stuff for the guest is the classy way to go.

@16, bingo!

@36, Seattle Public Utlilities food waste bins are beckoning you for your used paper plates and napkins, will you resist their call?

http://www.cityofseattle.net/util/Servic…

If somebody cooks for me, I always volunteer to do the dishes. Doesn't matter whose apartment.

Have you checked to see if your cat is still alive?

My sister and a friend came to stay for 3 days. They made breakfast every morning, and did the dishes with me. I cooked dinner once (a favorite dish of theirs) with ingredients they purchased at Pike Market. We ate out several times and always fought over the check. They stripped the beds and mopped my kitchen floor before leaving. When I got home from work I found a wonderful host gift. That's how to be a guest.

1. Super lame I.A. 2. High-five for not going number 2 at a restaurant bathroom. I think that should be for emergencies only, I mean who wants to smell other peoples number 2 when they're about to eat. Right? 3. If someone ate my cookies and my other cookies AND my doritos, I would drop that motherfucker. (After I poured the remaining dorito crumbs in my mouth and chewed them with furious anger). 4. Does anyone else think it's weird that the water is in a jar?

Cookies and Doritos? Am I the only one who thinks Fatty Patty wrote this?

If someone pulled this shit...well, except for the shit...I would NOT be inviting them back. Guests are saving a ton of cash by not having to pay for a hotel and having a kitchen available to cook/prepare meals rather than always eat out. PARTICULARLY if you live in a tourist destination (I do). You don't get that kind of savings AND free maid service/free meals.

Dishes at least go in the dishwasher...washed and in the dish rack if no dishwasher is present. Towels get hung up after use. Upon leaving, sheets and towels should be placed in the hamper or laundry area, or at least all balled up for easy scoopage into the laundry basket. You get it out, you put it back right where you found it.

I typically leave a stash of snacks out in an obvious location for guests to partake in, make sure I'm stocked up on basic beverages and fill an extra gallon pitcher out of the Brita, ask them if they'd like to hit the grocery for anything when they arrive, and ask them if they want to have dinner with me/what nights, and offer them a nice meal complete with alcohol the first night, but would be really, really upset if they felt the need to clean me out (I mean, you just never know...I have a bottle of wine made by my now-deceased father in my wine rack, that is supposed to be for my wedding, I can't imagine what I'd do to a guest if they drank that...I often receive food/alcohol gifts from clients...etc.).

As far as the shit goes...well, if you have to go, you have to go...but if the person didn't have the decency to close the door behind them and leave the exhaust fan running, well, that's just criminal.

Needless to say, living in one of the top U.S. tourist destinations and having an official guest room, I've had a lot of opportunity to perfect this routine. :)

I'll come stay with you- I might drive you slightly insane about the dishes which I WILL wash but will need help putting away and I can't answer up for when I might need to use the facilities but I will not leave you with dregs in each of your snack containers or put an empty container of anything back in your fridge and if my visit is longer than 48 hours I will, at some point during my visit, vanish on my own for a few hours so that you can have a bit of breathing space and will, most likely, return with market bags full of the things I need to cook supper and a few non-perishable goodies for you to enjoy at your leisure after I'm gone (and a fresh bag of Oreos- I said I would not leave dregs, I did not say I would not raid your stash at 3 am ;) )

Yes, a host has an obligation to see to the basic comforts and needs of a guest but a houseguest has an equal obligation to refrain from making their host insane....and the surest way to be asked back is to try to make your host sorry to see you leave.

Some of Anon's complaints are unfounded, like expecting your guest not to use your bathroom. No one likes to be around someone else's crap, but if it was a problem that your guest might use the bathroom adjoining your bedroom, you shouldn't have guests over. Unless you had two bathrooms to choose from, in which case you should have made it clear that the one bathroom was for "guests" if you felt that strongly, how is it anything other than inevitable? Maybe your guest didn't have to go until you guys got home, needs some privacy or prefers not to wipe with one ply toilet paper?

However, the general tone is one I can certainly relate to. It would help to know how long this person was staying, since that can make all the difference between whether anon is a bad host or the guest was in the wrong. As a guest, I think the polite thing is to always ask; "Hey, what do you want me to do with these dishes?" 99% of hosts will tell you to just leave them in the sink IME, but asking is always best and prevents misunderstandings like this. "Hey, do you mind if I finish off the oreos?" etc. When you have guests over, it's typical to expect they might eat your food. However, if the person was only staying for a short time and managed to polish off every bit of snack food in the house, that's pretty extreme - and leaving a single cookie or a bag of crumbs is OBNOXIOUS, just finish it off if you've eaten that much! If the person was over for a week or more, I could see them maybe eating that much food, but the appropriate thing at that point would be for the guest to buy some replacements or some food of their own rather than expecting the host to provide for all their needs out of their own pocket.

I completely disagree with the definition of guest. I guess you, as a host, may expect not to work but if you, as a guest, staying for free at someone's home, you behave nicely. When we stayed with a friend, we bought our own food, washed our own dishes, even bought the host a nice bottle of scotch. Why? Because we are thoughtful. Instead of spending money on a hotel, we save quite a bit by staying with a friend - even after buying scotch.
This guest was a totally selfish tool.