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@210 I don't know that EricaP is "willing to do anything" or "desperate". I think that when you know what you want, you're willing to reevaluate what you thought were hard rules. I've had to do a lot of reevalution myself lately, and realized that things I thought I couldn't deal with I could, because the thought of what would happen otherwise was the worse of the two.
Sidenote to EricaP: Thanks for the advice, things actually seem to have fixed themselves miraculously.
Are you fat? Do you have an atrophied penus?
That's what I decided to address--the fact that people are growing irritated, and she's aware of the fact, but refuses to find a more appropriate outlet or forum and recognizes that she's using this somewhat unwilling audience as a group therapy session. (In a sense, her actions are analogous to her husband's when he told her that he had been having sex with other women and that he was going to continue to do so and her options were to accept it or leave.)
Her response to me was so bitchy and reeked of so much entitlement that it lost her whatever sympathy I've had up to this point. I would never express myself as he does, but I find myself in agreement with Hunter 78 now where EricaP is concerned.
Here's the thing: we Slog readers aren't wives who love our husbands so much that we'll accept a bully's unilateral terms as she has her husband's. People are saying (you are one of them) that her dominance of this comment thread for her own purposes is driving them away. I would have thought that someone especially in her position would be particularly sensitive to this type of bullying.
That being said, cut the BS @217 that I in any way shape or form have made it hard to open about your open marriage. I've made no judgments about your marriage or your sex life. What I've made judgments and arguments about is the nonstop discussion of and reports about your marriage and sex life, regardless if it has anything to do with the column. Look back at my comments; you'll find no comments about your decision to open up your marriage, only your decision to endless bring it up. The only inappropriate comment I've made, I've apologized for. Because it was wrong, and I was wrong.
EricaP, I usually read Dan in print, not online. As a result, I'd never heard of you until this thread. I was sympathetic to you until your crack (pun intended) about how life ain't fair on the Internet.
That goes for you too. There aren't any uncomfortable issues coming from you. I figure you're a laughable and kinda pathetic hosebag, but aren't they all? I wish you'd post your picture. I want to see how much you weigh.
Between work, school, studying, sleeping, eating, showering, grooming, cooking, grocery shopping and transit time I generally have... two or three social time blocks per week. Usually about two of those go to the s/o and the other one (if I have it) goes to seeing friends. Why would I want to put someone else in the picture? It would just mean less time with the guy I actually want to fuck.
When did I ever say you did?
@217, I meant:
>> I'm here on Slog to say "opening up a monogamous marriage is hard, and here are the ongoing stories from my life to illustrate my point">>
Does that make it more clear?
What makes your situation hard isn't common to open marriages. Your marriage was opened up in the worst possible way. Also, you shouldn't be in a open marriage. It clearly causes you mass amounts of undue stress. And I say that making the assumption that you (please let it be true) are being hyperbolic when you write "panic attack".
"There are plenty of people who are interested in my posts. "
"Why does my presence makes Slog intolerable for you? Am I bringing up painful issues for you?"
I am in a monogamous relationship because I would fall apart in an open one. I'm too insecure and needy. I get that there totally are people who can do it, there are people happier in open relationships than who are in closed ones. I'm sort of in awe of people like that.
I'm not one of them. Neither are you. So, reading your posts is like watching somebody jam an ice pick into her eyeball while explaining that she's ultimately her happiest overall as long as she keeps jamming this ice pick into her eyeball.
"Why don't you just skip my posts and those about me? "Oh, it's an Erica-related post, guess I won't read it." Why is that so hard?"
You obviously have a very high I.Q. and your strength is verbal. And I think this is your addiction, to post and intellectualize about the thing that is causing you pain. That's how you ameliorate your distress, by getting in your head about it.
So you do it a great deal. You've come to rely on it, I think. The only time you are ever a shitty person is when somebody tries to tell you you post too much. You get defensive like an addict.
Think about that. Jake only knows you really from how you responded to that criticism. He seems to really dislike you. People normally like you a lot. What does that tell you? That's how defensive you get about it.
So, I believe that, on some level, you understand how much you post and why that would make you hard to avoid. But, no, it's not a case of saying, "Oh, it's an Erica related post, I'll skip it." Often, it's more of, "Oh, it's not an Erica post, cool!" or "Wow, if I had gotten here in the first few hours, there was a whole non-Erica conversation that happened before Erica showed up," and that quickly becomes, "Why do I even read these comment threads?"
the joke is - you'd probably make a decent therapist. Erica would be better off if she had one, IMHO.
anyway I really enjoyed your post.
Just to be clear, my above comment was not meant to be snark. My personal penchant for therapy rivals that of Woody Allen.
You don't have to be in awe of people who prefer or can handle non-monogamous relationships: we're not necessarily any better or more stable than you.
That's sort of like straight people being in awe of gay people. I mean, I don't intuitively get how it's possible to be turned on by a cock and not by a pussy. Or how it's possible to be turned on by the same genitals you already have and not by different ones. But I know everyone's wired differently.
I just don't see why the SL community was happy to tell that poor woman it was her duty to sit on her dying husband's face... and yet people think I'm abused because I'm trying to come to terms with my husband's sexual needs. He's sweet, funny, a good provider, a dominant who gets my need to serve, hot stuff in the sack. If he had become impotent, that wouldn't be my first choice of lifestyle, but I'd deal with it. Instead he became eager to have sex with others. It's not easy for me, but I'm dealing with it. I think those of you who think I should walk away from a great marriage just because it got harder this year don't know much about me, and don't know much about decades-long marriage.
You have repeatedly stated that you are worried he will get more attached to his girlfriend, he will leave you, etc. You are insecure about his committment to you and apparently he is not doing his job in alleviating these fears. This is NOT part of the normal D/s relationship, this is him just being a sucky, self centered spouse. He is not being there for you in very very important ways. Great marriages don't make a person worry about their spouse leaving. Sheesh
What? He said he would fuck around anyway, with or without your permission? He's a CPOS, NOT a great guy.
@238 Read "Opening up" and tell me that people who open their marriages don't experience jealousy and anxiety. My fears aren't rational, they just are. And I'm working through them.
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