Columns Jul 27, 2011 at 4:00 am

Poor Me

Comments

1
Um, moron. Your brother has kids. Whether girls or boys, there's your bloodline. And if you are worried about your last name, teach your nieces to ignore the idiotic and sexist practice of taking their future husband's name.
2
@1 - Oh, is that all? I'm also the last person who can (by traditional means) pass on the family name, and I'm gay and single. Whether you care about having kids or not, that sort of thing weighs on you.
3
@1- what's the answer to the "sexist" tradition of a wife taking a husband's name? Endless hyphenated last names? Sounds great!
4
@1 - way to miss the point completely.

@Anon - Move out of your mom’s house and cut the pity party. No one wants to date a complete pussy. If all it took was a few minutes for a woman to realize you were a complete loser than I don't think it's fair to say "I could have had any girl I wanted" by any means.

You obviously have piss poor self-esteem. That much I'm sure about. And no woman is going to put up with that unless her self-esteem is somehow lower than yours. so cut the "whoa is me" act and grow the fuck up. If you still need help finding someone to date OKCupid is free.
5
Bloodline? That is the stupidest fucking concept EVER. What are you, royalty? Wigga, please.

Women run from you because you're a douchebag with an overinflated sense of your own importance, Mister Handsome. Get a job, move out, grow the fuck up and remember: you're not entitled to a woman's attention just because you think you are.
6
@ 4 - what an excellent error. "woah is me" is now my favorite phrase. hooray for homophones!
7
*YAWN*
You forgot egocentric and boring.
8
get some counseling and work on that self-esteem, dude. shyness, often mistaken for aloofness, can be overcome.
9
So much easier to bitch and moan than to take control of your life, eh? I hate people like this. They can talk endlessly about exactly what's wrong with them, but flat-out refuse to do anything about it.
10
I'm with #9. Therapy or STFU.
11
Go volunteer for those less fortunate than you. Also, YAWN
12
Go to therapy, dude.

You have problems? You want to fix them? Then fix them. Do it.
13
ahem..."Woe is me". If you think about it or look up the word "woe", it will come to you.
14
This sounds like a problem alcohol can fix. I'm just saying.
15
You manage a motel that was bypassed by the highway with the corpse of your mother upstairs. Your name is Norman Bates.
16
@5: TV Dinner ROCKS!!!!!!
17
Why can't the problems I'm not willing to fix go away!?!?!

Let's just rename this series "Entitled Men Bitch About Shit"
18
TVDinner should have his/her own column
19
You don't seem to get that what makes you a loser is the fact that you've been wallowing in a a fixable problem for what is apparently decades. I've got an ex like you - 41 and still sleeping in his childhood room at his mommy's house, eaten up by depression and fears of failure. Everybody looks at him as says "what a waste of potential." GET SOME FUCKING THERAPY. Christ.
20
Also, you need some supportive friends-and, unfortunately, you won't find many folks like that in the comments section of "I, Anonymous".

I'd say you need an antidepressant as well as some counselling, but you need to find yourself some hope as well.

If nothing else, remember that every morning, when you wake up, at least you didn't die during the night.

Then, after reflecting on that for a moment, get out somewhere, take a walk, go to a coffee shop or something, and just try talking to somebody.

you're 39. You're nowhere near dead. Don't give up on yourself. And disregard the snark from some of the others. They are assuming you're a fake and would snip at whatever you've said.

There's still time. And, for whatever reason, you're still here. Use that.
21
In a recent scientific study people judged themselves 10-70% more good looking than they actually were. Click here for the details:

http://www.bullshit.study.org/fuck/you
22
Stop your whining princess. I am intelligent, never been good looking, bald and I have made a life for myself. No sympathy.
23
@1- what's the answer to the "sexist" tradition of a wife taking a husband's name? Endless hyphenated last names? Sounds great!
Posted by pratical not sexist on July 27
_____________
@3, the answer is just keep your freaking maiden name just like your husband keeps his. Just like the women of Scandinavian and Celtic cultures did until the last century. It's easy. You get a name a birth, and you keep it til you're dead. Hyphenated names are the worst, not just because they are so long and pretentious, it's because the women who do that end up realizing what a dumb idea it was and then start being inconsistent about what name(s) they use.
24
Oh, yeah. Forgot about mr forgetable IA. Who cares about carrying on your name. Lots of good looking gay men can never have kids, and it doesn't matter either. Good looking people have ugly kids, and vice versa. It's like everyone is brainwashed to believe that all life is programmed for one goal, to procreate its genes endlessly. Apparently my genes are honey badgers, because they just don't give a fuck. And yours are too. That's not your genes telling you you shoulda coulda had kids, it's some middlebrow idiot spouting conventional wisdom/psuedo-scientific nonsense.
25
@24, "Who cares about carrying on your name." Obviously, IA does, asshole. Lots of good-looking gay men can never have kids, and if they want to, they can. What's good for some good-looking gay men isn't the answer for every single, childless man in the world. This guy clearly has different goals in life than those happy, fulfilled gays you speak of.

This man is obviously depressed. He seems to be aware of it and admitting it. Even in this anonymous forum, that's a huuuuge step to actually doing something about it. I know it's probably a lot to ask of the internet, but would it be possible for someone to give the tiniest shit about someone in distress?
26
I'm fat and ugly and have a HOT wife of 17 years. Before landing her, my girlfriends were all very attractive. Suck it up and don't be a pussy.
27
I'm fat and ugly and have a HOT wife of 17 years. Before landing her, my girlfriends were all very attractive. Suck it up and don't be a pussy.
28
Hey Olympus, suck it up and don't be redundant.

So there!
29
step 1 Get a job.
step 2 Pay for sex.
step 3 Get some confidence from the encounter (vet your picks carefully)

step4 take that confidence to a well kempt bachelor pad that is not in your parent's basement. Cheer for a local derby team, join a knitting circle, attend the local anime society meetings... do SOMETHING to put yourself out there once the first 3 steps are done and you will be FINE.
30
Hey I anon, I'm not sure why passing on your name and genes is so important, but I hope you can find some ways to achieve happiness.

My 2 cents on looks:

Having above average looks can work for and / or against you.

If you're ugly, then you learn early to overcompensate with personality. If you're good looking, then the first instinct you have when you feel socially awkward is to hide behind your looks (by saying nothing, and letting your looks do the work for you).

Good looking people tend to learn late the importance of being nice/smart/interesting.
31
Hmm, yeah, why aren't women jumping out of their panties to create another one of you?
32
I've known a few guys like you. First, you haven't found a woman who can live up to whatever bizarre standards you conjure up for that moment. Admit it. That's ultimately what's undermined any hope you had for love, that superiority that nudges you into sociopath territory.

You sit in judgment of men and women. You self-analyze and think you're being smart open and honest while in actuality you're being a self-absorbed douche who not-so deep down sees his flaws as positives.

People recognize you for what you are quickly and tolerate you at best but mostly avoid you.

You're not smart, your brain in on permanent misfire. You're not handsome, you're always leading with your ugly face.

Come to grips with reality and maybe you'll have a shot at happiness. In the meantime, you can wallow in that life you've embraced and expect no pity, except from the ultra gullible and insecure, whom you eventually will judge unworthy of your attentions.

Pecker head.
33
@32, absolutely.

"I am intelligent, handsome, physically active, and compassionate."

Yuh huh. Take a good look at the illustration. The illustrator may have answered your letter as succinctly as humanly possible. You're overconfident and you've set ridiculous standards for yourself based on your unrealistic self-image.

As soon as you realize that you're not fucking special, you might have a shot at a meaningful interaction with another human being.

If I were a woman, and I caught even a whiff of that self-pity and overinflated sense of self worth, I'd run as far away from you as fast as possible. It ain't shyness, introversion, or the fear of rejection that are your problems.

Ever wonder why you have a fear of rejection? Because you've built a happy little world for yourself where you can believe in how awesome you are, and you're scared as hell that someone will get close enough to shatter that ridiculous delusion.
34
This really is the wrong medium for therapy.
35
@15 FTW!

Anon, read these responses. You don't need a soft-spoken therapist spewing psychobabble at you for the better part of a decade. You need a kick in the ass. This is better than therapy.

When I was feeling this a few years ago I threw some clothes into a bag, got in the car and drove to a distant city. I ended up on the road for a month. Take a chance and do something, ANYTHING, different.

Go to Austin, people are more friendly and open there.
36
@33: "Ever wonder why you have a fear of rejection? Because you've built a happy little world for yourself where you can believe in how awesome you are, and you're scared as hell that someone will get close enough to shatter that ridiculous delusion."

Fucking nailed it.

@29: Good advice. Google "tnaboard" for tip #3.
37
@24: "Apparently my genes are honey badgers, because they just don't give a fuck."

hahahaha! I love you!
38
"I am intelligent, handsome, physically active, and compassionate."

I doubt all of these things. If women are running away from you, there's got to be something else wrong that you're not letting on to.
39
I got a nasty worm infection on my computer off this sight and column two weeks ago did anyone else? I love the stranger it sucks to have to buy a new computer!
40
Not from this website, @39. I check my spyware scanner obsessively with each website and slog is quite innocuous. Perhaps you clicked on a spammer's link (in the ads or in the comments)?
41
@39: "I got a nasty worm infection on my computer off this sight and column two weeks ago did anyone else? I love the stranger it sucks to have to buy a new computer!"

You, had malware serving up bad ads long before.

"it sucks to have to buy a new computer!"
uhhhhhhhhhh
42
Being worried about carrying on the family name is absurd, unless your family name is a brand (see: Baldwin, Douglas, Trump, etc.) in which case it makes slightly more sense but still seems silly.

Plus, you never know. I have a very simple, easy-to-spell last name. If I marry someone with some sort of vowel-less, impossible-for-your-average-office-worker-to-spell-correctly last name, I'm going to strongly suggest to my spouse that the kids use my last name for their own sanity/convenience. So my father, who has only daughters, might end up getting his family name carried on anyway.

But more to the point, there is not a man in the world who can have any woman he wants. Regardless of how attractive you think you are, how rich, or whatever, people find different things attractive and even if you're Adonis himself, some women will not be interested in fucking you.

Get the fuck over yourself.
43
"Your bloodline ends with me?" What are you ancient egyptian royalty with special lazer eye powers paralyzing curse? WTF. Get over yourself. Guess what - a blood line doesn't END because of some sexist male bullshit. We're all related, connected, monkeys. Unfortunately. Get over yourself for once and stop boo hooing and go fucking do something useful, instead of taking up precious air, resources and space with your worthless whining. This post insults both you and me.
44
What people in this guy's position need may be the kind of 'tough love' you've been dishing out on this thread.

But what he also needs is clear, precise and specific instructions about how to play the game. He needs clear, precise, specific instructions on how to approach women without looking like an idiot or a creep (I don't buy the stuff about him always being surrounded by women in his youth: it doesn't fit at all with his admitted introversion).

One thing he absolutely doesn't need is to be told to 'be himself'. People in his position do not want to 'be themselves': their selves are intolerable to them.
45
If you're going to feel sorry for yourself, feel it for the right reasons-- Your problem isn't your lost looks. Your problem is that you never tried to cultivate anything on the inside to entice women to want you. Yes, looks are important, for the 20-something bar crowd. For the rest of the female population, there's a whole slew of inner characteristics that makes a partner attractive.

If you never tried to improve yourself, worked at becoming a better person w/ a better attitude, then of course you'll be dating your palm for the rest of your life. The good news is that you can start improving yourself right now, at this very minute: I suggest removing physical beauty as the only criteria to judge a woman as a start.
46
Take up drinking and live fearlessly; at least in the evenings anyway.
47
thank god it ends with you , kill your self please just in case .
48
@32 and 33... Right on point

@47 lmaooooooooooo
49
@32 and 33... Right on point!

@47 LMAOOOOOO
50
(I don't buy the stuff about him always being surrounded by women in his youth: it doesn't fit at all with his admitted introversion)


Are you a guy? Just asking, because I think most women have experienced men like this trying to insinuate themselves into our social circles. "Surrounded by" may be an exaggeration, but his introversion likely led him to primarily associate with women rather than men who are, on average, less patient/understanding of shy men. He also likely joined groups comprised mostly of women because he was hoping someone in those groups would pity fuck him, oops, I mean, "connect" with him.

I'm also wary of the "extremely handsome" part. If he is extremely handsome, he also has to be extremely boring or have some other huge personality flaw for only one woman to take an interest in him. Jason Ritter is a self-described shy guy with no game to speak of, but he's also hilarious and cute as hell and ultimately doesn't seem to have a problem with women.
51
Well...there are treatments for social anxiety, and social skills can be learned. Find some professional help. You're not necessarily hopeless.
52
Oh, I almost forgot the most important part: GET THE F@CK OUT of your mom's house! Are you nuts?! Grown women don't want to date someone who hasn't grown up yet. Get your own place pronto!
53
@everyone

"Whoa is me" isn't a typo - it's a song by a group of Canadian Douche-Rockers "Down With Webster" about how much better they are than everyone else. Sorry I didn't throw in a link or anything - I can see how that confused some.

@6: homophobe? how did you reach that moronic conclusion?

@13: see above

54
@53
homophoNe
55
Anon, I hope you're reading the comments. Despite some unnecessary hate (go piss up a rope, @47), the basic drift of what most people are saying - get the fuck over yourself - holds true. I say that in the kindest, most sympathetic way possible.

Personally, I think it's incredibly freeing when you realize that all people are pretty much the same in the ways that count, and that includes you. You're not special. You're not a terrible person. You're pretty much just like everyone else.

Now:
Work on some simple things. Get out of the house regularly and practice being friendly, courteous, and humble with the people you meet. Practice some very simple things like smiling and making small talk, even when you don't feel like it. (It really helps if you actually think of this as practicing - that way you allow yourself to make mistakes without freaking out about it.) These things take a little time to learn if you're not used to them, but you might be surprised at how quickly you can learn new habits.

And for fuck's sake, get yourself to a counselor if you haven't already.
56
I completely agree. You are a failure. However you are not dead. So you don't have to stay a failure. There is still time to fix yourself. Take advantage of it.

Most of all, stop your pathetic ass whining. Realize that most people are much more concerned with themselves than they will ever be with you.

Asshole
57
go to a bar and FUCK A GIRL
59
@53 fuck me - I can not believe I got that wrong. @6 - I owe you an apology I rad that wrong and than ran with it. I am very sorry.
60
and I fucked @59 up to.

I've been up for 2 days - it's obviously time for bed.
61
nor am I looking for sympathy.

Then why this?
62
Sure, I have never married, was better looking in the "have my baby" way three different women told me when younger, no kids, and had a few chances for it all. Now that I am in my 50's, it ain't that bad, really. I have a neice that I am content with knowing the family "bloodline" will continue. Depending upon the family, others would even be resolute in NOT propagating the disfunctional relative continuum.

Anonymous is obviously still youngish. When he gets older, he will discover that dogs are great companions. He will also appreciate the extra time he will have to choose to do more things others with kids cannot. Volunteering, travel, being able to control at least part of your own destiny.

He will find more to enjoy than to miss. Loneliness is often a choice, not a permanent condition.
63
Sure, I have never married, was better looking in the "have my baby" way three different women told me when younger, no kids, and had a few chances for it all. Now that I have hit my 50's, it ain't that bad, really. I have a neice that I am content with knowing the family "bloodline" will continue. Depending upon the family, others would even be resolute in NOT propagating the disfunctional relative continuum. Some people really should not be parents.

Anonymous is obviously still youngish. When he gets older, he will discover that dogs are great companions. He will also appreciate the extra time he will have to choose to do more things others with kids cannot. Volunteering, travel, being able to control at least part of your own destiny.

He will find more to enjoy than to miss. Loneliness is often a choice, not a permanent condition.
64
Sorry for the double post. I had to re-register on this site, as it appears it was deleted previously.
65
I also agree with #29. It will do you good Anonymous. With the right one, you won't likely need a therapist. And you will feel a lot more confident being with non-pro women, even if they don't show the same interest.

66
DIAF.
68
Anon, I don't care how good looking you are. You sound like a whiny, vain, entitled, sexist creepo. You are not a nice guy. Women would not think you were a loser if your only problem is you're shy. Women think you are a loser if you are in fact act like a loser.

69
Oh, and avoid dating advice from Pick Up Artists. Yes, that guy Mystery on VH1 seems like he can turn you into a success with the ladies... um, no. Just don't. At this point the only 18-year-old virgin super model would want to date/marry/breed with you are Eastern European prostitutes-er, mail order brides and that's only if you can come up with the cash to pay for her and if you're still living with mom, nope. Not even then.
70
I love guys who think that they have a blood line. You contribute sperm, not blood. Bloodlines are matrilineal.
72
Your problem isn't that you are shy and introverted, it's that you couple that with a totally unearned sense of superiority and some weird grandiose ideas about yourself. If anyone ever lamented to me that his "bloodline" was dying out because all he has are nieces, I'd be backing away slowly for sure. Same deal with your one true love who's been married for 10 years... WTF, dude? Just how long have you been obsessing over this one person? Let it go.

Get out of Mom's house and get over yourself. "Intelligent, handsome, physically active, and compassionate" is a start, but if all you have behind that pleasant facade is a boundless well of self-pity and narcissism, it's no wonder that your life sucks.

I suggest therapy, because everything you think about yourself and the world is a load of completely disordered nonsense. Please let actually writing this cry for help and sending it in to a newspaper, be your wake up call.
73
Forget yourself.

No, seriously, that's the only way to get out of staring at your own reflection -- by forgetting yourself. If it's art that'll help you get away from that too-strong awareness of you, you, you, you--go for it. You're lucky then, because I don't think a lot of people really can lose themselves in art/music.

Maybe you can be pulled out of that morass by dealing with people who are hungry. Maybe you need too much exercise. Maybe little screaming babies at a homeless shelter will get you out of it.

Forgetting about you is the only way.
75
Maybe women don't stay with you because you think girls are worthless? What if you'd married that woman and had girls? THE TRAVESTY. Dickhead.
76
@44: "One thing he absolutely doesn't need is to be told to 'be himself'. People in his position do not want to 'be themselves': their selves are intolerable to them."

HAhahahahahahaa maybe someone should drop out of the dating pool until their crippling self-hatred is resolved? OF COURSE NOT.

Guess what, those guys/girls are THE WORST to their partners and horrible in relationships.
77
For once, I agree with most everyone here. I used to be a total douche-bag like you are now. Without a personal change, you will die alone, and no one will care. Right now, no one cares. There is no magic woman who is going to discover the real you, and fall in love. No other person can make you happy if you aren't happy yourself.
Think of the coolest thing a person could do. Then, go do whatever that is. Forget money, women, what people think, forget that you likely could never really do it. Just do it anyway. Go do a thing that makes you happy, and keep doing it. On your own. If you can become happy on your own, people will be attracted to you. Because that's what attracts people. Happiness.
78
Love yourself first - Mary and Max
79
@77: Grats to you for realizing that if everybody's saying the problem is you, it might be you and that "nice guy" is often a smokescreen for other problems with anger and bitterness. Seriously, that sort of revelation isn't that common.
80
@ 20.
You're lovely. Nice work.
81
What's wrong with a person calling himself intelligent, handsome, physically active, and compassionate? It's not that difficult or unusual to be any or all of them; I know many people who fit that description. Why do so many people commenting here assume that the guy is an asshole? He just sounds ridiculously shy or perhaps depressed. Or maybe he's too weird for people. He needs therapy, that's all. Not scorn from all you stupid, ugly, lazy, mean people.
82
@18: I second that!

I want a TV Dinner column!!
84
Of course no woman wants to date you. Theyre all terrified they won't produce a male heir and you'll lop off their head.
86
Anon, You are just depressed. Depression is a trick of the mind where you think nothing is wrong, or that you can "fix it" yourself. You can't, that is the whole trick to depression. Get some pills and get some perspective and get out of your rut. Once you stop caring that you are alone you WONT CARE THAT YOU ARE ALONE ANYMORE.

It will make all the difference.
87
The word is "woe." Morons.
88
Go find a fawkin shrink dork. You can find one in the Stranger classifieds. And read the Power of Now while you're at it.
89
Actually, the man and woman provide a mixed set of genetices that is a blend of both, duh. But even more important is the mighty mitochondria. They do not split and mix up they come from the mother (only- they don't fit into the sperm) and the only real true blood line.
btw- mitochondria are what makes you work, its what splits and reforms phosoporous molcules and it is that chemical reaction that runs the entire body-every function depends on that breaking bond of phosphorous.
You are welcome for this not very detailed discription of genetics and bio-chemical reactions.
91
Seriously? I'm the only one who read this and thought "autism spectrum"? Dude needs to seek treatment for Asperger's.
92
poor thing. probably best that you don't procreate.
93
"Sweet as ripe strawberries?" Why are you speaking in bad romance novel?
94
So, your bloodline totally does not stop at you. Your brother has children. Maybe the women you liked really didn't get involved with you because you are apparently some sexist pig who doesn't count women as people.
95
@everyone here: Jeez, do you have to be so fucking mean? You can't overcome depression by "getting over yourself." Depression is like an endless maze you're stuck in every fucking second of your life, and it all revolves around self-hatred. So telling someone depressed "you suck" and "get over yourself loser" will not magically make them better, duh.

@ the letter writer: Seriously, go see a therapist. And keep doing that for a long, long time. Therapy could do wonders for you. It won't instantly make you the opposite of "a complete loser", but it will definitely make you feel better about yourself. And feeling good about yourself is the key to attractiveness. Being handsome, on the other hand, has very little to do with attractiveness.

Anyways, you could start by stopping this endless self-assessment. ("I am intelligent, handsome, physically active, and compassionate.") It makes you jump from total self-hatred ("I am a failure.") to inflated self-worth ("I could have had any girl I wanted"), both of which are not normal. Try to understand that you are no more and no less worthy than anyone else. So what that you live at your mother's? They do it all the time in Europe. If you don't like it, resolve to move out and work towards this goal.

And please, please, please, find a therapist. You might not even need any pills, just a professional to help you unscramble the mess in your head.
96
WOAH!!!! issa me yall!
97
What is "the curse", exactly?

Please wait...

Comments are closed.

Commenting on this item is available only to members of the site. You can sign in here or create an account here.


Add a comment
Preview

By posting this comment, you are agreeing to our Terms of Use.