lolanevins @98: Unless you have proof that Dan & Terry's public statements about how their marriage progressed to open are lies, you are a libellous fuck.

So, any proof that they've been lying? Any proof that there was bullying?

I'm not loving some of the more vitriolic responses to DAD. (Hunter78, I'm lookin' at you.) Yes, she's creeped out, but I think that most people her age, in her situation, would be. Even Dan admits that DAD's dad's (apparent) kink is "deeply fucking creepy." Personally, if I discovered my father had a secret yen for daddy/daughter porn, I'd be throwing a one-woman angst-o-palooza. Yeah, I'd probably get over it -- but I'd also probably end up trusting my father just a little bit less. (Admittedly, my relationship with my father is cordial but not overly close, and has gone through some major rough patches, which is likely coloring my reaction to DAD's letter.)

A lot of readers seem eager to give DAD's dad the benefit of the doubt. Fair enough, but why not give DAD the benefit of the doubt as well? There's no reason to assume she set out to snoop; perhaps she checked the browser history to revisit a site whose name she couldn't remember. Or perhaps the culprit was the browser's auto-suggest function: she started searching for, say, "daughters of the American revolution" or "daughter cell," and instead got a list of suggestions like "daughter sucks daddy's hard cock" and "daughter daddy incest story." (DAD's own description of what happened -- "the history came up on the search engine" -- makes it sound like this might be the case.)

Granted, this is not to say that DAD was necessarily an innocent victim of happenstance. She may have been deliberately peeping at digital keyholes, in which case she has nobody but herself to blame that she didn't like what she saw. But regardless of whether she was snooping or just unlucky, I think it's a bit much to ask her to immediately be at peace with the possibility that her father might have a hard-on for daughter figures in general and/or her in particular.

Yeah, I understand that the content of one's browser history does not equal the content of one's character; I sure as hell wouldn't want to be judged by my tastes in porn. And not having seen the actual browser history in question, it's difficult to judge just how much DAD is overreacting. If DAD's dad looked at a wide variety of porn sites, only a few of which were incest-themed, then he was probably doing some indiscriminate porn-surfing and happened to like the looks of the actors, as some commenters have suggested. If, on the other hand, he was looking at (or reading) oodles of incest-themed porn and nothing but . . . well, that suggests he's got a bona fide incest kink.

Yes, it's entirely possible to fantasize about, or even roleplay, sex acts that one would never want to actually engage in. Like most people, I have a few fantasies that will never see the light of reality -- because as much as I get off on breaking the applicable taboos in my head, I cringe at the thought of breaking them in the real world. But even if our fantasies don't neatly predict our actual sexual behavior, neither are they totally divorced from it. Or, in other words, there's a very good chance that a father who reads incest porn doesn't actually want to bone his daughter -- but, let's face it, the odds that he does want to bone his daughter are probably better than average.

IF NOTHING ELSE,

we should have learned to have password protection on our porn sources if there is any possibility of anyone we don't want to know about said porn gaining access. Providing a fully sanitized guest computer, given how cheap computers have become/what do you do with the old computer, is a very good idea. If you're visiting DON'T GO LOOKING FOR TROUBLE (see if you can log into/create another user with minimal privileges aside from the main user account).

Keep in mind, not everyone is GGG. OTOH, if someone picks your locks, they shouldn't be surprised that may not like what they find. I have serious issues with incest fantasy because I encountered the real thing, but then someone else's fatasy life really isn't any of my business.

Peace.

"Or, in other words, there's a very good chance that a father who reads incest porn doesn't actually want to bone his daughter -- but, let's face it, the odds that he does want to bone his daughter are probably better than average."

This.
You actually summed up something I had been trying to say re: an earlier thread so much better than I was ever able to. So thank you.

@116: I doubt it. The odds that he wants to bone a girl the age of his daughter (or son) are probably better than average, but I doubt it's his daughter (or son) he's interested in.

S/he mentions watching porn, not reading it, so he's actually looking at hot young girls (or guys) that aren't her*. Plus, she said his porn history includes incest fantasies. It probably also includes teacher-student and father-babysitter stuff.

@48 & @67 both mentioned narcissism on DAD'S part, and I'd totally agree. The unconscious narcissism of youth rather than a more malignant form, but still fundamentally narcissistic.

*Assume that I keep making this gender neutral for the rest of this post. I'm feeling lazy.

113-- I agree. If a man or woman can enjoy a certain sort of porn while simultaneously not wanting to act on the fantasy, why can't DAD be seriously creeped out while simultaneously not taking her father's fantasy seriously? Why can't s/he feel like never talking to her father again and at the same time write to Dan, get some perspective, and decide that her gut reaction really isn't sensible in the long run? I understand DAD's letter. I don't understand the majority response here which is to pile on him/her for writing it.

This is why we're lucky to have Dan. He helps us think these things through. It's not unusual to have a strong negative gut response to thinking about any number of sexual acts that we ourselves personally don't find appealing. With a little luck, we have someone to help us think it through and realize that we can be disgusted without having to beat up the person whose tastes are different. (Or kill, or deny a job to, or keep our children away from, or throw out of the military, or bully in school.)

@117

Agree to disagree.
Though "I want to bang men/women the age of my daughter/son" is more likely than "I want to bang my daughter/son". That doesn't change the poster's original point, which I 100% agree with.

Ya'll are quick to defend him, and not her.
I think she deserves just as much benefit-of-the-doubt as he does, esp as a potential victim.

dear DAD....it's not always about you

I don't know... but at 22 years old, if I ever saw porn on my father's computer depicting or suggesting incest fantasies I would be upset. Wouldn't matter how much porn I watch or how much porn I accept other people watch. DAD's reaction, in my opinion, is understandable. And, if any of you stake claim that at that age (or any age) you would not be taken aback by finding this on your parent's computer then I call all your bluffs, I don't care how indifferent you state you are.

What if the depictions were of an older man seducing a young boy. Or any other depictions that cross the threshold from what is merely fantasy and what may be cause for concern. It's all objective, but there should still be awareness. I would certainly hope that if you came across suggestions of sexual exploitation of concern that you would not be so apathetic to pass it off as someone's mere fantasy - just because maybe you have decided that you can distinguish the difference. Projection, in this case, has the potential to be very dangerous.

Also, DAD never mentioned that s/he felt threatened by his/her father with regard to whether he would feel compelled to actually act out these depictions so I think labelling him/her as a narcissist is a little presumptuous and pretentious.

Perhaps it is just the discomfort of being around his/her father knowing a very personal part of him that as a daughter/son you would feel very uncomfortable knowing.

I know for myself I came across a home-made porn between my father and his then girl friend when I thought I was popping a VHS of ET into my VCR. It took me a long time to be able to look at my father the same again which had nothing to do with me being a prude. It was just shocking and there really isn't much more to it than that, imo.

I don't know... but at 22 years old, if I ever saw porn on my father's computer depicting or suggesting incest fantasies I would be upset. Wouldn't matter how much porn I watch or how much porn I accept other people watch. DAD's reaction, in my opinion, is understandable. And, if any of you stake claim that at that age (or any age) you would not be taken aback by finding this on your parent's computer then I call all your bluffs, I don't care how indifferent you state you are.

What if the depictions were of an older man seducing a young boy. Or any other depictions that cross the threshold from what is merely fantasy and what may be cause for concern. It's all objective, but there should still be awareness. I would certainly hope that if you came across suggestions of sexual exploitation of concern that you would not be so apathetic to pass it off as someone's mere fantasy - just because maybe you have decided that you can distinguish the difference. Projection, in this case, has the potential to be very dangerous.

Also, DAD never mentioned that s/he felt threatened by his/her father with regard to whether he would feel compelled to actually act out these depictions so I think labelling him/her as a narcissist is a little presumptuous and pretentious.

Perhaps it is just the discomfort of being around his/her father knowing a very personal part of him that as a daughter/son you would feel very uncomfortable knowing.

I know for myself I came across a home-made porn between my father and his then girl friend when I thought I was popping a VHS of ET into my VCR. It took me a long time to be able to look at my father the same again which had nothing to do with me being a prude. It was just shocking and there really isn't much more to it than that, imo.

It's true that there are a HUGE number of incest-porn-watching freaks out here... I happen to be one of them! And Dan hit the nail on the head... It is the taboo-and-power-dynamic that is the fetish... And in NO WAY do I (or most other) incest fantasizers wish to jump the gap from fun freaky fantasy to real-life nastiness!

I am so happy you exist and are doing this service Dan.

@117
I would be surprised if viewing incest porn was NOT correlated with actual incest desire. Remeber, this does not establish a causal relationship between the two; however, in the grand statistical scheme of things, finding the first factor does increase the probability of finding the second.

This is what @113 meant by "better than average." Yes, it is still very unlikely that her father actually wants to engage in incest. Yet his odds are better (worse?) than a random sample.

Don't know any population stats about this sort of thing, so I can't comment on whether or not she should actually be worried.

Oops - *remember :)

@118: I don't see those two as equivalent. I didn't get the impression that the Letter Writer was merely fantasizing about severing all ties with her father while she came to terms with her discomfort. There's a difference between being squicked but not taking it all that seriously in the first place, versus writing in with an apparent plan to detonate an important relationship and getting talked down from the ledge.

That said, I agree that the average 22-year-old is comparatively young and naive to be expected to handle a revelation like that with logic and equanimity. (Don't tell them I said that; implying they are less than fully mature will piss them off all over again.) Good thing there are people around to look at the situation in a little more depth and talk some sense into them when it does happen.

@121 Sure people would be grossed out, but why anyone would even consider destroying someone else's social life over porn that involves consenting adults is beyond me.

"I would certainly hope that if you came across suggestions of sexual exploitation of concern that you would not be so apathetic to pass it off as someone's mere fantasy - just because maybe you have decided that you can distinguish the difference."

Now you're pretty much putting incest porn on par with something like child pornography while simutanously trying to guilt trip us. Nice.

"Earlabia" is funny. Dan's good with words and acronyms. If you're disturbed by a made-up up a word that has a bit of an erotic flavor, you are reading the wrong blog. Read something else and don't whine.

As for "Disturbed And Distressed" - politely ignore it the way you would an old lady's fart.

Personal computers are PERSONAL and people who are not accustomed to having a guest user and aren't very savvy about computers are gonna leave stuff available to snooping eyes. Get your own computer, use one at the public library if you aren't mature enough to be a polite computer guest or tell your dad that for his privacy and yours, you'd like for him to have a password protected user account and to give you a password protected user account because you don't want him to be embarrassed if you leave something embarrassing in your own search history on his computer.

Unless you've had uncomfortable incest-vibe from your dad, I would bet your dad is not thinking of you at all when he's watching incest-fantasy porn.

Don't care if it's relevant or not. Just realized that, by volume, straight Republicans are most likely producing more santorum than the Gays they detest for producing it. Wonder how long it would take before Rick would drown in it...

In my early teens my parents came across a kinky story I wrote. My dad sat me down to give me a 'talking-to.' I don't remember what he said, because as soon as he told me what had happened, my brain exploded. I don't see how any catharsis can come from DAD venting to her father - it'll just give him a horrible memory.

I'm a big (gay) consumer of incest porn. I felt guilty and disgusted by my fetish for a long time, but therapy made me realize that incest porn is incredibly common, and that the fantasy, for me, anyway, is about power issues with my estranged father. I don't actually want to fuck my dad - I can't even visualize it without getting queasy. When reading my stories (on nifty.org), i'm visualizing characters that fit into the tales unfolding. Never an actual parent, brother, sister or cousin in the mix. I think for me it fills some fantasy about being wanted by the father that rejected me upon learning I was gay. I prefer very specific scenarios. Sometimes I'm the high school junior whos'caught wanking by his totally hot dad; other times i'm a twent-something father of a six year old who needs a bath.

Ugh, my comment got cut off and the ending sounded really creepy. The final sentence was: No matter what the scenario, it's strictly fantasy. Period.

word of the day
PennyYoungNance (verb) to eat Santorum

I like reading True Crime stories. Does that mean I want to become a serial killer? I can't stand snoops, DAD. Checking the history on a computer that is not yours is snooping. I doubt it just 'came up' as you put it. If you do tell your friends and family that you were snooping on your father's computer, and have decided to sever your relationship and 'out' him based on that, I think you will be the one who comes off as the creep. Go to your new job in another country, and hope that you grow up while you are there.

I think Dan's advice to DAD is right on the money, but I also think that the point needs to be made that he might not even be into incest or older guy/younger woman fantasies at all. I wouldn't have thought of this, but I read this letter with my boyfriend and he told me that he sometimes watches incest porn because the girls look more "normal." Maybe DAD's dad just doesn't like the usual porn star look and incest porn is a good way to see "normal"-looking girls.

"YKIOBINMK?"

IAHSRTOPSNBU: If the acronym is harder to say or read than the original phrase, it should not be used.

I think you'll like this: http://mysexlifewithlola.wordpress.com/

This is not for everybody, certainly not the DAD, but you may like: http://mysexlifewithlola.wordpress.com/2…

@24, "One of the worst experiences I ever had happened on Twitter."

My God, if that's true, shut the F up already and give thanks to whatever higher power you believe in. You're a hell of a lot luckier than I am.

I saw you on the street the other day, and I cried. I thought, "Why hasn't he been hit and smashed to smithereens by an 18 wheeler yet?"

@141 He clearly has a Humbert Humbert obsession. Strange how some people can miss Nabokov's point.

@24: "Porn is so prevalent I wouldn't be surprised if it went mainstream soon."

lololololol

Fantasy is fantasy. Reality is reality.
Figure out the difference.
And @24....you gotta be kidding me. Pure evil?

@143 WTF do you mean? You want Dan dead? Or someone, anyone else?

@143: WTF is right! This is why I stay the fuck off I-5!

@39 - i can relate to what you're saying...i sometimes look up erotic stories on anal sex and (depending on the story plot) find it stimulating but in reality grosses and freaks me out...so much so that when an ex-bf played with my butthole i totally lost the mood...so there you are...just bec someone views it doesn't mean IRL they'll do it...

i agree with the other commenters who said someone else could've used your dad's comp and looked up the incest porn OR even that he just was turned on the actress playing...

dan's right...unless there some other instances where you felt disturbed by your father;s behavior towards you, just let sleeping dogs lie and have fun on your new job

Daddy issues? Read here: mysexlifewithlola.com

Fantasy is just that...and it's supposed to be good for you and your sexual self. Unless your father is tempting toddlers with lollipops into the basement..he is just exercising his right to fantasy regardless of whether you like them or not. I'm guessing you might have a few oddities others may find icky. To each their own and get over it!